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Why get married or be in a relationship if you don't put your spouse/partner/kids first ? I find it so ridiculous that men who are family men are considered to be "whipped". It does not say much for the man in question and shows little respect for his ability to make his own choices.
Everyone is entitled to time on their own or with their own friends but there has to be an order of priority. Most women I know could not force a man to do what they want if they tried to. Men are not like Dogs, you can't really train them. I think women have realised this a long time ago !
It seems to me the childish whiners complaining about their little play buddies not being able to come out and play are the ones who need to get a manhood and become men rather than remaining little boys. How whipped are you if you think your buddies will be really offended because you spend more time with the wife and kids ? Isn't it you being whipped by your friends to give in to peer pressure and the expectation of emotional stagnation ?
Hubby always feels insulted when people thinks he is turning down something because of me ( which he never does as I have no issue with him going out on his own if he wants to - which he does not usually - he always wants me to come with him and I am usually the one declining...) .
As he says those people demonstrate little respect for his ability to think for himself and make his own decisions.
Too many guys are whipped by their buddies and I think that is the issue. The pressure to conform and remain a party bunny all your life is quite strong for many men and those who give in and refuse to grow up seem far more emotionally stunted and impressionable than the married guys. How malleable do you have to be to be ?
A real man does not feel slighted because his friends cannot come out to play. Life is thankfully not a static thing but evolves and we hopefully evolve with it. Time for your friends is a good thing, but why bother having a family if you ignore their needs.
There is no stigma these days to being single, why not remain footloose and fancy free if that is what you wish, save yourself feeling imprisoned and tied down and just have one night stands for your sexual needs or even just FWBs ? Sorted.
He was already like this before he met his wife. He's the same way after he married his wife and yet his wife is responsible for how he has always been. I don't think it should be her job to motivate her husband to prioritize his friendships regardless of how lazy he may be. I'm sure she has other things on her plate to worry about.
I didn't say she IS. I do wonder whether she does keep him at home.
I have no disagreement with a wife not being responsible to get her husband to prioritize his friendships.
I didn't say she IS. I do wonder whether she does keep him at home.
I have no disagreement with a wife not being responsible to get her husband to prioritize his friendships.
I could understand the suspicion if he was previously a different person, but according to you he's always been lazy. For whatever reason he's complaining or not getting off his rump is his own fault.
Here's my opinion on this. I have never been married however I was in a 5 year relationship that was like marriage but without the paper.
I kept all my friends in tact. I kept all of our relationships in tact. I made efforts on my part. Why?? Because you NEED to have your OWN life outside of your marriage. You're WHOLE life shouldn't revolve around your marriage/family. It isn't healthy. Nothing wrong with having an outing or get together here and there. Happy hour every Friday?? No, unless SO is doing same with their frineds. Simple phone conversations, emails, texts, etc to keep ties.
I could understand the suspicion if he was previously a different person, but according to you he's always been lazy. For whatever reason he's complaining or not getting off his rump is his own fault.
Here's my opinion on this. I have never been married however I was in a 5 year relationship that was like marriage but without the paper.
I kept all my friends in tact. I kept all of our relationships in tact. I made efforts on my part. Why?? Because you NEED to have your OWN life outside of your marriage. You're WHOLE life shouldn't revolve around your marriage/family. It isn't healthy. Nothing wrong with having an outing or get together here and there. Happy hour every Friday?? No, unless SO is doing same with their frineds. Simple phone conversations, emails, texts, etc to keep ties.
It's all about balance people..
I don't think anyone's disagreeing with this, however the OP is complaining about something he doesn't like about his friend's marriage/family situation, and trying to blame his friend's wife for it. How Benjamin and his wife manage their lives is not the OP's business, and if Benjamin doesn't want to hang out anymore, no one can make him.
OP, I think your mistake is that you think your friend's lack of hanging out with you has anything to do with being whipped, etc.
It could just be he's moved on and grown apart from you.
Why don't I hang out with friends as much as I did when I was single?
I have different days off than they do.
I have a son at home - any free time I have, I want to spend with my family (I also don't have the same time off as my wife).
Some of my friends simply don't interest me as much anymore (that is a normal part of life).
So you're making a big leap outta nowhere, man.
As for the lack of assertion...that is rampant with all the man-children this last generation has managed to bring up.
Stan4, I have no shame in admitting that it does in a way suck that he has indeed moved on. But do understand this: I have absolutely no problems with male friends who get married "moving on."
For starters, 2 years before Benjamin got married, one of my brothers got married. I saw this happen with my own blood. It reminded me of what my parents told me when I was a kid - that once we grow up and marry and start our own families, we move along our own paths, which diverge. The love stays, but priorities change. They stated this to explain that while my uncles and aunts (I have several on both sides) have good relationships with my mother and father (and with me, and for the most part, I get along great w/ my cousins), that after they all married and had their own children, things simply change.
I saw my own brother "drift away" a bit after he got married. I saw him much less. But I accepted it. He was (and is) very happy, and so was I. Thus, I had nothing but joy at Benjamin's joy (as I wrote, I was his best man) and am still happy that he's doing so well.
To clarify once and for all: before Benjamin even met Eve, I had spent about 1 year or so socializing often with married guys who had 2 or 3 kids each. These children at that time ranged from 2 to 8 years old. They weren't newlyweds. They had plenty of experience juggling work, wife, kids, and "guy time." Yet they did a good job of it, and none of those guys' wives held those guys in (for the most part, but when they did hold them in, it was something reasonable, such as one of the guys having had dinner & drinks, going home to get his car to go out for MORE drinks, and the wife not being too happy about it.).
Benjamin was the first married friend who became a "recluse." I did cite my other friend Ron who married almost exactly 1 year ago and who, despite a very busy life (work, social life, volunteer stuff, trips, hobbies), manages to make time for me and other friends - married and single.
As for man-children: I have no disagreement on this.
No, I speak of him like I have no respect for him - which I don't. I have no respect for an adulterer that goes out all the time while he has a wife and children at home. I'm not sure why you are trying to debate this with me. It's pretty much undebatable for me. You are never going to convince me that your brother is a good person - so why bother trying? Does it matter?
I don't have to convince you of anything. You might not agree with some of his actions and that's fine, but he's a good person. Bad people for me are major criminals. Apart from that, people can make mistakes. Besides, it's up to my SIL to find out and decide what she wants to do about it...if she hasn't found out already.
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