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That we deny the existence of things that are foreign to us? Not necessarily, but it depends on what it is.
From a purely personal framework, there are tons of things that I don't know about and are completely foreign to me. Just because I don't know about them, doesn't mean that I'm denying their existence (my Atheism being the exception to this) - it simply means that I have yet to be exposed to them.
With something like human sexuality, if I meet someone that says they are "xyz", who am I to deny that and say that it's not real, simply because it doesn't fit within the framework that I know?
I'm not going to try to invalidate someone's lifestyle simply because it's foreign to me. I certainly wouldn't want it done to me.
I sort of look at it like me and skiing. I have no interest in it, and yet people tell me that I'd love it if I tried it and it's so much fun and I should come out with them and I'll see and whatever. Maybe it is "my loss," but I think I know myself well enough to know that cold, outside activities ain't my jam.
We've seen on this forum that sex drives run the gamut, so why should the experience someone who is not at all interested in sex be any less valid than that of someone who, say, masturbates constantly or has strings of one-night stands? No one's getting hurt, and it's all private anyway.
That we deny the existence of things that are foreign to us? Not necessarily, but it depends on what it is.
From a purely personal framework, there are tons of things that I don't know about and are completely foreign to me. Just because I don't know about them, doesn't mean that I'm denying their existence (my Atheism being the exception to this) - it simply means that I have yet to be exposed to them.
With something like human sexuality, if I meet someone that says they are "xyz", who am I to deny that and say that it's not real, simply because it doesn't fit within the framework that I know?
I'm not going to try to invalidate someone's lifestyle simply because it's foreign to me. I certainly wouldn't want it done to me.
Well tazzled, I suggest you get on with invalidating people's life because they already do it to you and feel no qualms about it (see this thread). LOL... I do agree with you if someone says they are "xyz" then how would I know? I'm not going to say I agree to it or find it plausible if I don't -- but I have no way of actually disputing it as it pertains to them. I used to think like you, until I seen majority of these people do not think like that & extend the same courtesy. It's pointless then, IMO.
So far the farther I can understand from the claim of asexual-asexual sex is that asexuality since is most really a lack of sexual attraction does not really deter from sexual activity: let's say an asexual man and an asexual woman who are in a romantic relationship, both have libidos but they don't feel sexual attraction to each other- they just end up having sex for the sake of releasing libido.
The problem here are basically two:
1. How do we really know they really don't have attraction to each other?
2. How will the sexual community buy this?
I don't know. This is why I have suggested the AVEN community to be clearer on this otherwise better take the V out of the initials because it will be bloody difficult for the sexuals to accept this, it is something I am aware of.
Let me, as an asexual, give a more "detailed" perspective on the asexual community.
After talking about this same issue with both you and the asexual community, I am afraid I have to say that the overall asexual community lacks a real solid definition on what asexuality is. I asked in the AVEN Facebook group if two asexuals in a consented relationship (homoromantic or heteroromantic) can have sex, and the response has been yes. For me this is oxymoronic. The arguments have been "they can do it just for the sake of procreating, or to release the libido, etc.". If this is so then the sexual activity done is going to be outrageously low... but wait a minute... it is still sex. Once a week, once a month, it is still sex... two asexuals having sex to release libido? I don't know, I am asexual and like most sexual people I would really consider that sexual.
You see being sexual is nothing wrong. I have come to think that the reason why some asexuals fall much into the sexual orientation rather than the asexual but still claim to be asexuals is because they, deep inside, despise the way sex has been degraded by the society and media. After all, most sexual people will have sex in a real high priority when coming to relationships... I can understand an asexual having sex with a sexual partner in order to please him or her but two asexuals for me it is oxymoronic, it is contradicting and it will be extremely difficult to me to understand how can two asexuals have sex... sex is sex, regardless if it is done because of love, procreation or release of libido. After all, love and sex have nothing to do with each other- there are sexual aromantics and asexual romantics- the latter who fall in love just like the usual sexual romantic does.
The community is messed up at this time, I really need to see how to really understand the point of the so widely accepted asexual definition because for me there is a lot of bogus- confused sexuals being accepted as asexuals is not really a good idea to me. To say an asexual desires sex is like saying a homosexual man feels sexually attracted to women. As far as I know, a gay man who is also attracted to a woman is a bisexual person, not a homosexual person.
they have sub categories of what it means, there's no 'one size fits all' and the only people that try and do that are non-asexuals. So yes you will get 5 or 6 or 7 different definitions of what it is. Asexuality at the base level from what I know is simply "lack of sexual attraction." There are things that clearing (IMHO) fall outside of asexual altogether like you said in the OP, people stating "I love sex with other people!" Um, that's not even remotely asexual and not sure how someone could claim it is....I don't know what kind of asexual you claim to be from those subcategories, but I would be an 'auto sexual,' which is basically having no 'use' sexually for another person. Personally, I didn't even know there was a definition for this until a few months ago, but there it is.
I am an asexual guy who realized his asexuality not long ago, and now I am in a kind of heated debate with other asexuals so I wanted to check what would your opinion be...
The community is much more complex that the usual straight or LBGT communities: some of us are still romantic and would pursue relationships with others, just that there is no sexual attraction, some of us (and I am in here) would not be romantic either.
Now there is a group of people who claim themselves to be asexuals yet say something like
-I would like to have sex with some friend with benefits
-I am still interested in sex
-I enjoy sex
The heated debate comes when some asexuals like me, possible like some of you sexuals right now reading this, doubt and possibly deny they are asexual if they are looking forward for sex.
I know I am not interested in sex, and I want no relationships, no sex with anyone- woman, man, friend with benefits, potential partner... NO ONE.
Please give your opinions.
It really depends on how you define asexuality. Is it having no desire? Is it having no desire AND no sex? Is it just how you feel so that's what you call yourself? I happen to think Kinsey said it best: "Asexuality" is just a word people use to help figure themselves out.
I sort of look at it like me and skiing. I have no interest in it, and yet people tell me that I'd love it if I tried it and it's so much fun and I should come out with them and I'll see and whatever. Maybe it is "my loss," but I think I know myself well enough to know that cold, outside activities ain't my jam.
We've seen on this forum that sex drives run the gamut, so why should the experience someone who is not at all interested in sex be any less valid than that of someone who, say, masturbates constantly or has strings of one-night stands? No one's getting hurt, and it's all private anyway.
That's exactly why I can't grasp why people are denying the existence of asexuality. There's such a cognitive dissonance, that I can't even.
That's exactly why I can't grasp why people are denying the existence of asexuality. There's such a cognitive dissonance, that I can't even.
Tazzled One thank your for the rep Two I suggest reading up on some Social Psychology not the Pop stuff that gets thrown around but the nitty gritty academic work. So glad for my Psychology/Sociology major.
The AVEN takes in consideration (so far as I have read) groups of people who are in a half-way spectrums, such as demisexuals and a-greys. People who are not fully asexual, but that have lots of things in common with asexuals and very few with sexuals.
Personally I don't buy into the whole asexuality thing, as I suspect it's more likely a hormonal problem, or an emotional scapegoat for other issues..
I look at it the same way I look at ADD/ADHD. I'm sure it exists, and I am not one to decide who is and who is not genuinely affected by it. But I think way more people are said to have it than people who actually do have it.
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