Being the dominant person to improve and satisfy the best relationship ( 20 year old student) (dating, wife)

[moes1]

Hello everybody
If you think you can help me develop a better relationship, and have dealt in a long-term relationship please read this thread

I'm Very glad that i can contact you all ,

Well i'm going to introduce my self ; I am 19 year old, living in north america and my background is persian/egyptian.

I'm luckily in a relationship with a girl who I dreamed for and now it's time for me to be the person she wants me to be, become the dominant person.


There are few adjustment that i need to do, in order to keep this relationship healthy and mature.


She has the same background/culture as mine , we both have very similar childhood, raised and born in the same city and town. She is 20 years old, turning 21 in june, So she is almost 2 years older then me.



So her parents are very strict with her, specially her dad..
He is horrible, i mean egyptian dad has always the culture in them which a girl is not allowed to be out after 12 AM, So she has lots of limitations, which i see it as a good thing in her life and my life. but she strongly hates her dad because of him being very traditional thinker.


She told me that she is virgin, and i'm pretty sure she is. My history with her is a little bit confusing,
almost 2 years ago we actually had dated for 2 months almost , but we never had any intimate relationship/ never touched each other and never had any sexual feelings/ Perhaps I never did, idk about her. We met through a friend and she is no longer here.
We broke up, because she went on vacation back home, and we just couldn't have long distance relationship, i mean i was 17 years old back then, pretty un mature and wanted to have so much sex with other girls rather then her.

Her family is wealthy and powerful, my family is in average level compared to hers.
She has a car, she always takes her car out, but i take my sister and bothers cars.


so the story of me and her breaking up last year was because we "I liked someone else" but she doesnt know that, so she just thinks that i didnt pay enough attention to her and never had any sexual feelings with her.


So she want back to egypt for vacation over the summer, then she came back and she went on a relationship with another dude for almost one year. It was obvious that she met her while she was on vacation in there.


So they went on relationship, i kept on silence.. i closed my facebook so i don't see anything between him and her. the dude lives in egypt and the only way they could be together was by her going to egypt .. but her whole family is in north america. that's the place where i live. So They had long-distance relationship for almost one year... she told me the reason why the broke up, she told me that they couldnt have long-distance and the guy was over protective on her.. she didn't like it.


One day i had a dream about her, so i went on her facebook, then i suddenly liked one of the musics that put on her facebook. i messaged her desperately saying " Hey, I know it's been a really really long time, but i have a feeling that i've missed you and i really would like to be a good friend of yours, nothing else i hope you will take this serious "

After couple weeks, she called me and we planned out a day to see each other.

i picked her up, we saw each other more then couple times.. things started changing, she started telling me about her "EX" , She told me that He hasn't called her for a long time so she decided to remain silent, I don't know if that's the truth or not but that's what she insisted.

So we started liking each other more and more, we developed a relationship between each other. She took the relationship status on her face book out . So that she is single.


I was really alpha with her at the beginning, She started liking me more and more again...

We talked to each that how we broke up before, it was a mistake and stuff like that...
So one day she came over to watch a movie with me and then i kissed her from my bottom of my heart, she really enjoyed it. She kept wanting it more and more. Things changed, we started being together more and more and more untill now

So our mutual friends know that we are together, we have set an official date that we dated, but never put it on facebook, few feeks ago i have told her " Hey, i think ur facebook needs a change" then she told me " U mean relationship status" and i just saiid yeaaah.. so it was a little bit awkard but then i'm like i will see u and we will talk about it . BUt i never spoke with her after that day...
Yesterday she came over and i told her i don't like the stuff that the ex has written on her fb, i want her to clean up. she did so.. so she listens to me.


So i'm aware that she is a really sensitive person, we have had only erotic moments together from the past 3 months that we started dating, She throw bday party for me, giving me $500 gift and stuff like that..

I think she really likes me, but again ; I don't want to lose my self in between all that love and passion, i want to stick being an alpha and being the dominant person.
A mature person that every women desires for. because i know that if i keep talking to her on the phone for 1 hours 2 hours 3 hours ... Then after while everything will be normal for her, i always want her to keep wanting me.. For example, which moments do i have to say OFFICIALLY NO TO HER? how should i treat her, to develop a new behaviour between her and i.
Because i treated her a way that she's my angel untill now, and i think she has expectations... So if i right away don't talk to her on the phone or just text her saying "goodnight" without calling, she will be like" Wowww, this is how u say goodnight?" something like that...



I want her to feel very secure in the relationship , god knows, i might marry her in next 4 5 years.


If you reallly can help me figure this out, how to act with her, how to follow up with her and how exactly serious i should be with her would be helpful. in which situations should i be alpha? and in which situations i should be beta to her? , I know there is a skill that i have to develop in my self in order to treat her nicely.

Do i have to be Alpha? rather then Beta? How do i develop that habit with her?

she is virgin, and im actually willing to take it for her. But we have been couple times in the position of having sex, but she couldnt put my penis in. because she's scared...
So in order for her to trust me and think that i'm fully mature for her, what am i supposed to do?


So again, it's been 3 months i have been dating her officially , and ofcourse sex wont come in 3months with a virgin.

So i want to know what are the steps that i need to follow in order to attain her to my soul. I want her to always think about me and always crave for me. Always make her miss me more then me missing her.


This is what i really want with her, See it's a really good thing that i have messaged you for some tips and advise. I want her to deeply love me .

Because we call each other more often now days, we call, specially at nights before sleeping, we talk for 1 hours, 2 hours.. We talk about everything, Relationships, Nachos, Cartoons, Romance, Friends and so on... i really feel like a BETA person at the moment, maby not for her . But i am.

I really want to be a different person to all her ex boyfriends, Her ex boyfriend was a guy who wanted to controll her everysingle time and she actually got attached to that person, her ex was a guy who was very serious and controlling, but at the end sweet too.


I want to develop something that is fairly new for her, Something that makes her want me me more.

Since i'm in a relationship with her for 2 months, and it's the heat of all relationships,
please give me some advice because i desperately want to know what i should do.

Btw, I go to gym most of the times, I go to university, I got to library and thoes are the times i'm alone.

I took her to my Library once because she wanted to see, and i took her to my lecture and my gym

but i havent been to her lectures, or gym ...

See, So i've done lots of things so far, and i don't want her to stop loving me, i want her to love me more and more by not getting used to me. i want her to always want to satisfy me.


So please if you think you can help me with this situation , Send me an email

Looking forward


Best regards

[rhacer]

You're 19, you should be worrying about next week, not five or six years down the road.

You've been in a relationship for two months. You should be worried about what movie you're going to see this weekend and where you'll go to dinner beforehand, not whether you're too alpha or beta for her.

Those are typically personality traits that don't change. Though you are young so it is possible you haven't discovered your true nature yet.

[BirdieBelle]

You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself and this relationship.

This is not a true "love" situation where you both want what is best for the other person.

Based on what you have written, she is not treating you with respect. She is behaving like an overly dependent, spoiled child.

You should not have to decide whether you are being "alpha" or "beta," and worrying that your behavior will drive her away.

In a mature, loving relationship, you are allowed to NOT talk on the phone for 2 hours if you can't do it.

If she gets angry that you don't drop everything and answer her calls and texts, she is too controlling and demanding. You will lose yourself in that behavior MUCH more quickly than you would in the romance because you will find that you never behave in a way that is satisfactory to her.

I honestly think you need to back off and let her grow up. And you need time to grow up yourself.

[moes1]

Originally Posted by rhacer

You're 19, you should be worrying about next week, not five or six years down the road.

You've been in a relationship for two months. You should be worried about what movie you're going to see this weekend and where you'll go to dinner beforehand, not whether you're too alpha or beta for her.

Those are typically personality traits that don't change. Though you are young so it is possible you haven't discovered your true nature yet.

Thanks for the replay, but yes indeed you are right. I am 19, but i have a crazy history. i have been dating 24 year olds in my past, and had lots of sex before.

but now i'm really calm, i'm trying to take a use of this amazing personal trait.

See, this is the story, what is true nature? waiting and waiting and waiting loving her more and more and more? then god knows, maybe she will break up with me for the reason that i'm too much loving person?

i really, dont want her to think that i'm over her ass, even in a relationship, because i was never there and never will.

[moes1]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself and this relationship.

This is not a true "love" situation where you both want what is best for the other person.

Based on what you have written, she is not treating you with respect. She is behaving like an overly dependent, spoiled child.

You should not have to decide whether you are being "alpha" or "beta," and worrying that your behavior will drive her away.

In a mature, loving relationship, you are allowed to NOT talk on the phone for 2 hours if you can't do it.

If she gets angry that you don't drop everything and answer her calls and texts, she is too controlling and demanding. You will lose yourself in that behavior MUCH more quickly than you would in the romance because you will find that you never behave in a way that is satisfactory to her.

I honestly think you need to back off and let her grow up. And you need time to grow up yourself.

Hey, Okay i can see what your point of view is, but trust me this is not the issue.

the issue is that every man should be the dominant person in a relationship, because of gender, the masculinity that is in man.

in a mature relationship, you are right. you are allowed to not talk on the phone if you don't want to.
but, the thing is, my time is free. i can speak with her more then hours on the phone..
I don't want to show her that i'm always available for her. because in future, since you know that she has this "Spoiled" personal trait in her. i don't want her to drive me nutts on the phone , and making me lose my time.. everyone has valuable time, so this is my point. Also, do you think i should show her that i talk with other friends? " Girls " because i know, if i do. she might do the same thing...

Like sometimes, she gets bipolar. Yesterday, i put a romantic music in front of my family for her and she told me" You're in love "
i was shocked for her saying that in front of family.. that's just not how i do my things...
And i told her" i think Ur in love..." and she laughed, i was a little bit confused . why is she supposed to say things like this at the moment?


anyways hope you can understand where I'm coming from...

[BirdieBelle]

It is a little hard to tell EXACTLY what you mean from your English. The words are correct but your usage still needs some work.

You and I also do not share the same viewpoint about "the man should always be dominant." I would imagine that our backgrounds and cultural upbringing make us very different.

I have been married more than 20 years. I know that marriage is a partnership, and sometimes the husband is dominant and sometimes the wife is dominant. We make decisions together. The husband may have skills in certain situations and the wife in others, and they may defer to each other in various situations.

If you were my son, I would not think you have a lot of maturing to do.
If you are going to be serious with someone, and committed only to her, you have to be HONEST about your feelings and actions.
You can't worry about Facebook status, or whether you talk to girls or she talks to guys.

Your time may be free now, but when you work to support her, it will be more limited. I assume you area a full-time student living with your parents?

The way she reacts now about how you spend your time says a lot about her personality and expectations.

[moes1]

Yes, you are right about the husband and wife. You are right, marriage is all about partnership, if the man is good in making the money then let the man take care of that, if the women is good in taking care of the babies, let the women take care of that. That is the basics of a marriage.

I'm trying to be as concise as i can, in order to send my word to you.

The only thing i am stressing is , her age. She is older then me, and for sure she will understand some situations more then i do. but again, our problem is not the age.

I doubt i even have any problems with her so far, I had enough with all fake relationships in the past, i am tired of it.

This time, i want to be overprotective over my property, perhaps my partner.
I don't want to lose her , and i want her to have the same mentality towards me.
Because i know for a fact, that husband and wife sooner or later share the same ideology together to keep their life healthy and active rather then something nasty and full of drama.


See, this is how i look at a strong relationship; I see a strong relationship , in how the partners are together and how they share things with each other therefore lack of trust could be one the biggest problems of every relationship--- So as my case at the moment, She is virgin and she has one of those typical families that her family says that she has to get married then to lose virginity. I don't see anything wrong with that to be honest, every human being has right to protect them self and if they're not ready for then they don't want it, this is something you and i wont be able to control.

But if you look at it this way, things would be lots more easier. for example growing a tree.
For you to grow a tree, you need to choose the kind of tree you want, you place it somewhere suitable as for the climate , then you dig and place your seeds underneath the soil and you keep watering the soil , you grow the tree un till the roots are stock in the soil strongly and you keep watering the tree, until the beautiful green leafs are out. But if you don't water the tree, or don't keep your eye on it. there is a possibility for that tree to die and look fugly.

A true relationship could relate to that as well, if you plant the relationship (Y) as a solid figure , then looking forward for watering it (TREE EXAMPLE) so by making the right moves and the right time. That relationship will stay healthy for you.


I hope you could get something from this text so you can elaborate for me..



Thanks

[srjth]

I know you want her to always want you and deeply love you but do you want to always want her and deeply love her?

Sometimes a great love interest will cause you to be the best person you can be, and that is a good thing, not a bad thing.