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I was a cute 20 something once and rejected a lot of guys from the bad guy to the nerdy guy. Not because of vanity, in fact I was extremely insecure, but because many guys at that age are just plain akward, stupid, jerks or clingy. No one is mature at that age. And this post is just one-sided and doesn't explain the situation deep enough.
The NY Magazine had an interesting article a few years ago, on how Manhattan women who were in their 30's and so desperate to get married, were turning to the underdog guy thinking he would be safe and not-commitmentphobic. But, the dating pool in Manhattan is so swamped with single, desperate to get married women, that the underdog figured this out and became a player and many women got burned.
I was a cute 20 something once and rejected a lot of guys from the bad guy to the nerdy guy. Not because of vanity, in fact I was extremely insecure, but because many guys at that age are just plain akward, stupid, jerks or clingy. No one is mature at that age. And this post is just one-sided and doesn't explain the situation deep enough.
The NY Magazine had an interesting article a few years ago, on how Manhattan women who were in their 30's and so desperate to get married, were turning to the underdog guy thinking he would be safe and not-commitmentphobic. But, the dating pool in Manhattan is so swamped with single, desperate to get married women, that the underdog figured this out and became a player and many women got burned.
This is absolutely, positively true.
Stable men in Manhattan are in no hurry to commit. Women think the 5'6" guy will commit because he doesn't have as many options as the 6' guy, which is true... but he still has more options that the gal who is desperate to get married.
One caveat, such a guy isn't necessarily a player. In fact I would say that few are. He is just enjoying the variety of options available to him, which is exactly the same thing a woman would do in the same situation.
Women complain about how superficial men are... And then when we try not to be superficial, and we try to give overweight women a chance, we get rejected. Often quite harshly. Face it, guys just can't win.
But just because YOU decided that the fat or ugly woman should be grateful that you asked her out does not mean that YOU are that fat or ugly woman's only (or best) option. Again, it goes to the fact that men and women think differently.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
It sounds to me that you believe that by asking out an overweight woman you are making a big step down, so that should should mean an easy yes for you. Fact is, if a woman rejects you, it means she believes she has better options than you. What she looks like is irrelevant in terms of whether she will be receptive of your advances. Also, there is a chance you may come off with an attitude of, "It's your lucky day, fatty, I am willing to take you on a date." That's going to be a turn off.
I used to gripe about how I couldn't get the woman I was interested in.
Until I realized I have zero business griping about it until I met those same standards myself.
If you aren't finding the woman, then look into improving yourself. Hit the gym and put on some weight (or lose it if you have to), and drop the $200 for a couple decent outfits.
In short - take whatever appeals to you - and turn around and do it yourself, first.
It sounds to me that you believe that by asking out an overweight woman you are making a big step down, so that should should mean an easy yes for you. Fact is, if a woman rejects you, it means she believes she has better options than you. What she looks like is irrelevant in terms of whether she will be receptive of your advances. Also, there is a chance you may come off with an attitude of, "It's your lucky day, fatty, I am willing to take you on a date." That's going to be a turn off.
The fact that an overweight woman is not an "easy yes" as you put it, for a guy, but an overweight man would be an easy yes for a woman, proves my point that women can get away with being more picky. They have more options, and thus men are at a disadvantage. There is no such thing as an easy yes for a man unless we pay for it. Women just can't admit for some reason that they have an advantage. Women rarely feel sympathetic for men or try to understand our disadvantage, at least on this forum. In real life, I think some women are more understanding and sympathetic.
Why not just move in with someone's parents until you can afford something a bit better?
Because newlywed life is a tumultuous experience as it is without living with in-laws. My husband and I had to learn to live with one another and establish our own household. Living with our parents was only a possibility in case of extreme financial distress, and was not a common occurrence in our peer group.
Maybe things change as you get older, I don't know. All I know is, I work out all the time, and I get rejected by overweight, even obese women. An overweight or obese guy would never turn down a woman who kept in shape. She could have all kinds of personality flaws, and a fat guy would still jump at the chance. So women clearly have an advantage in my experience. They have more options and can be pickier. The world is just not fair, I guess.
Why are you asking out overweight. obese women if they aren't what you're interested in? A lot of fat women know how to cook well and don't mind remaining or getting fatter with pregnancy so there are a lot of average men into this(not to mention fat, sloppy sex). So, in other words, she may have more options than you think.
Why are you asking out overweight. obese women if they aren't what you're interested in? A lot of fat women know how to cook well and don't mind remaining or getting fatter with pregnancy so there are a lot of average men into this(not to mention fat, sloppy sex). So, in other words, she may have more options than you think.
That's my point. Overweight women have plenty of options. Fat guys have to take any attention then can get from a woman, or be alone forever.
The fact that an overweight woman is not an "easy yes" as you put it, for a guy, but an overweight man would be an easy yes for a woman, proves my point that women can get away with being more picky. They have more options, and thus men are at a disadvantage. There is no such thing as an easy yes for a man unless we pay for it. Women just can't admit for some reason that they have an advantage. Women rarely feel sympathetic for men or try to understand our disadvantage, at least on this forum. In real life, I think some women are more understanding and sympathetic.
What you describe is true for younger women, but at 40+, if you compare a male and a female of similar looks, the male has far.more options and can be pickier.
You were the cute 20 something that turned every guy down because you thought you were so cute. You slept around and got drunk every weekend. You were one of the "cool girls" in high school and college. You never gave the "nerdy guy" a chance.
WAIT A MINUTE.............FAST FOWARD
Nerdy guy is now 37 and he's no longer nedy looking, he's transformed his body to a lean muscle machine and he's spent the last 15 years working on his career and building his business. He now earns a high 6 figure income and is well traveled.
Oh, wait a minute............NOW YOU WANT HIM.
Yes, the above story is real and it happens.
I say, to heck with her. She's no longer the cute 20 something girl, she's now 35 and used up and has had a series a bad relationships and a divorce.
Yup, this happens to guys all of the time.
I compressed some of your spacing from the original post.
I don't see this play out this way. I've seen it play out differently.
The guy "cleans up nicely," the girl has NOT hit the wall, but despite the change, has the guy in a "box."
The girl blossoms, the guy has NOT hit the wall, but the matured woman is more easily cut slack.
A lot of this comes down to peer approval.
The girl has to pay heed to her cronies who probably also have the same "boxed in" version of the guy, assuming they were in the same circle.
The guy can say "Hey, she's gotten really 'hot,' so s-crew you" to his friends.
The other thing is that, even if the woman is now interested, it's usually temporary because they are not on the same wavelength, and never have been.
Moral of the story: If you "late bloom" during medical school, look to one of your attractive classmates in medical school, forget the 18 year-old bimbo who may still be 'hot,' and double your income in the process.
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