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I had an online first meetup the other day. We exchanged a few messages, this guy was good on paper. And amusing in texts. I suggested we meet up for coffee since his office was near mine.
A little about me. I talk fast (like an NYer) and am generally energetic and enthusiastic in person or and even on the phone -- even when talking about really boring stuff. People comment quite often about it, and wonder how I can spread some their way. But I am not a true type A personality.
Before meeting, he sent over a sarcastic text "Not sure if I should meet you, you've got lots of energy." I replied, I was low energy that day.....
We met for coffee for a little chat. I got the resume spiel about education, business ventures, upbringing and whole ton of other basic stuff.
This guy was a snoozefest, he just had little to no enthusiasm about anything. Family. Friends. Movies. His business ideas. Not even his video games (which he loves to play).
He also mentioned he needed to be coerced into socializing. (A deal breaker for me!)
He suggested going to a play for our next outing, since I mentioned I liked to go. I was super vague about accepting and he left the ball in my court.
He sent a couple of check-in texts, and I ended up replying, "my 60% is too much energy for you! I think my normal would be overwhelming for you." He sent a few more messages, and I pulled a fade.
In the end, he was way too low energy for me!
I need to find away to suss out people's energy level [I find it doesn't always come across on the phone either].
Isn't that the sort of stuff they put on their profile?
Personally the lines "I love quiet nights snuggled on the sofa with a DVD" or "shy at first" are enough to turn me off completely. If a guy says he loves travelling, eating out, seeing shows and bands, then I'm in. What did this guy say in his profile to make it such a big surprise when he turned out to be a couch potato?
You should be able to weed people out way before it gets to the date stage.
On the phone, say, your profile says you like doing xyz, when was the last time you did it? If he hums and ha's, you know his profile is inaccurate and he's really just keen on vegging at home in front of the tv.
I really think you just need to ask a few more questions before you agree to meet these guys.
What is it like to date in the Bay area? I am considering moving there. Well I would like your opinion if you are over 35. I have read the M to F ratio is far more favorable on the west coast compared to east. And since you are bragging about rejecting a guy for being dull, I am assuming that what I have read is true. What is your perspective?
Isn't that the sort of stuff they put on their profile?
Personally the lines "I love quiet nights snuggled on the sofa with a DVD" or "shy at first" are enough to turn me off completely. If a guy says he loves travelling, eating out, seeing shows and bands, then I'm in. What did this guy say in his profile to make it such a big surprise when he turned out to be a couch potato?
You should be able to weed people out way before it gets to the date stage.
On the phone, say, your profile says you like doing xyz, when was the last time you did it? If he hums and ha's, you know his profile is inaccurate and he's really just keen on vegging at home in front of the tv.
I really think you just need to ask a few more questions before you agree to meet these guys.
Actually, he totally confirmed he like to do many of the same things I did! We had plenty in common from that perspective. He tried, suggested movies etc and it wasn't insincere. But my read was he doesn't like to set things up, and wanted his girlfriend to schedule all of the stuff. And all thought I am a planner, I like to take a break from it too.
But all was not lost, I had an additional agenda:
1. try a new coffee place
2. recruit for a club I am in (he fit the profile)
Those missions were successful, but there was no chemistry with him.
What is it like to date in the Bay area? I am considering moving there. Well I would like your opinion if you are over 35. I have read the M to F ratio is far more favorable on the west coast compared to east. And since you are bragging about rejecting a guy for being dull, I am assuming that what I have read is true. What is your perspective?
I think there are lots of men. And many of them older. I think I am in the grey area stage (34). So basically I meet a lot of under 30s and over 40s. Not as many in between. And it doesn't help my cause so much that I look pretty young.
There are 2 things I think are tricky. There are lots of "awkward engineers." This skews the ratio a bit, especially for the under 40 set. It is probably a little better after 40, as everyone has established what lifestyle they want, but I find the under 35 or 40s still want to play the field a bit while they can. And grown out of their awkwardness.
Based on your profile, you'd do just fine. Especially if you are outdoorsy and active. And of course open to dating interracially and I believe you are. Lots of attractive silver foxes. But they are a little too old for me and probably think I am way too young! Salsa clubs are a good place to meet the over 35 set. Diverse crowds etc...
I had an online first meetup the other day. We exchanged a few messages, this guy was good on paper. And amusing in texts. I suggested we meet up for coffee since his office was near mine.
A little about me. I talk fast (like an NYer) and am generally energetic and enthusiastic in person or and even on the phone -- even when talking about really boring stuff. People comment quite often about it, and wonder how I can spread some their way. But I am not a true type A personality.
Before meeting, he sent over a sarcastic text "Not sure if I should meet you, you've got lots of energy." I replied, I was low energy that day.....
We met for coffee for a little chat. I got the resume spiel about education, business ventures, upbringing and whole ton of other basic stuff.
This guy was a snoozefest, he just had little to no enthusiasm about anything. Family. Friends. Movies. His business ideas. Not even his video games (which he loves to play).
He also mentioned he needed to be coerced into socializing. (A deal breaker for me!)
He suggested going to a play for our next outing, since I mentioned I liked to go. I was super vague about accepting and he left the ball in my court.
He sent a couple of check-in texts, and I ended up replying, "my 60% is too much energy for you! I think my normal would be overwhelming for you." He sent a few more messages, and I pulled a fade.
In the end, he was way too low energy for me!
I need to find away to suss out people's energy level [I find it doesn't always come across on the phone either].
Well, at least he showed up! Unlike the guy who canceled on me this past weekend on the day that we were supposed to meet (yes, I'm still upset about that! )
Anyway, I suppose you know what you're looking for, but are you sure you didn't write this guy off too fast? Sometimes people are nervous during the first meeting and not exactly themselves, so I try to go out with them at least one or two more times unless I'm absolutely sure that I'm not interested.
None of mine were "funny." They were more like chores. One hour of watching your watch, when they looked in the other direction. Two of them went longer term but they weren't the age-progressed version of what I liked when younger, so I ended these situations.
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Lots of attractive silver foxes. But they are a little too old for me and probably think I am way too young! Salsa clubs are a good place to meet the over 35 set. Diverse crowds etc...
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