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Old 12-07-2012, 10:56 AM
120 posts, read 188,311 times
Reputation: 32


Ok this may be long but it needs to be in order for people to understand my situation and provide proper feedback. And so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.

I met this woman online a couple years ago thru working ( not a dating site ). We did some work together and eventually became really cool with each other on the phone, talking about many things other then work. We were in different states ( I was in NJ, she was in South Carolina, but originally from NJ ) so meeting up anytime soon wasn't an option.

Even when conversating with her I could tell she was spoiled. She was a couple years older than me I was 24 at the time. But she was still nice to me and honestly I had just got out of a bad relationship a couple months before talking to her. I didn't think it was possible but I was actually starting to fall for her as I seen we were staying up very late talking to each other.

But part of me was saying to myself there is no way this would actually work out especially us being so far apart and never having met. And how i felt about women at the time wasnt the best. We did exchange pics and she was gorgeous, and she felt the same way about me. I ended up telling her how I felt and to my surprise she felt the same and we decided to be together and eventually meet up when she came back to nj and go from there. Now lets fast fwd to the bad parts.

Since we started talking, she has been in situations where she has needed my help financially. I've given her over 20k since we have been together. When i need money from her, i get an excuse about how she cant or she would say she will do it tomorrow and something always came up and she couldnt spare the money. There have been times I was so broke I started selling things just to have some money and to help her. But she never did the same for me she only sent me money a couple times. But the money part isn't what bothers me.

Over the period of the 2 years we have been together she has broken up with me at least once a week, cursing me out calling me a loser and that I don't have anything going for me and that all of her ex boyfriends had money and careers and she refuses to settle with a loser. For some reason I put up with this kind of behavior from her all this time. She has also hacked into my email accts, my Facebook all of that and read my messages from past relationships. Somehow she broke up with me and we would always end up getting back together with me calling her constantly and trying to be the adult and fix things. My guess is she is bipolar because one min she will be in love with me and the next she will hate me. But this isn't the worst of it.

AFTER TWO YEARS OF GOING BACK AND FOURTH ON THE PHONE WE HAVE YET TO MEET IN PERSON!!! I know you guys are going to think I'm a fool and to be honest I am. It's not that I haven't tried to meet her she won't meet up with me for some reason. It's always an excuse about money and how she wants us to be financially set before meeting in person. I told her I dont care about all of that but she does. She has even had phone convos with my family without my permission. Do you kno how frustrating it is to claim to have a gf and nobody ever sees you with one? And the sad part is she recently came back to nj but she broke up with me about a week ago and said she doesn't feel the same about me anymore because I have nothing going for me and that I get on her nerves. She then tells me she knows she is a ***** and doesn't care that she is.
Just my luck right?

I haven't had the best childhood growing up my parents were pretty controlling and abusive to me. I ended up having really bad anxiety. I have had only a handful of good relationships the rest have been bad but not like this one. I really thought this would work out she even had me wanting to commit suicide at one point. I'm just thinking how could someone be so cruel? All I've tried to do was help her even though I don't have much. I haven't spoken to her since she last broke it off with me and don't plan to no matter what.
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:16 PM
Location: In the heights
33,943 posts, read 33,066,811 times
Reputation: 18500
Work on yourself, guy, and forget about her. It sounds terrible, but at least you won't be doing that again.
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:22 PM
Location: SF Bay Area
18,454 posts, read 29,983,009 times
Reputation: 12497
I honestly don't get how you could give someone money you have never met in person. My advice is never do that again to start.
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Old 12-07-2012, 01:58 PM
Location: Baltimore
1,687 posts, read 2,497,259 times
Reputation: 2576
If you are telling the truth, I am really sorry about all that has transpired. I don't know who you are and what your background is, so my advice may not be the best. I recommend that you focus on yourself, including your own personal needs and desires. When you get your finances in order (and your life), I hope you are able to pick up the pieces and learn from your mistake. She sounds like a low-life piece of scum anyway. Best of luck to you!
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Old 12-07-2012, 02:08 PM
Location: Northeast
1,886 posts, read 2,068,156 times
Reputation: 3758
The breaking up with you once a week should have been a red flag. It's water under the bridge now. The other red flag is where u met her, as Craigslist is full of scamming low life's, hell, she probably makes a decent living doing this to you and a couple of other guys at the same time.
Get some counseling and move on with your life, and stay the hell away from Craigslist to meet woman.
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Old 12-07-2012, 10:05 PM
120 posts, read 188,311 times
Reputation: 32
Thanks for help guys
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:02 PM
6,459 posts, read 11,528,208 times
Reputation: 6390
Dude you've been Catfished. Look up the definition on the Internet. MTV has a TV show on now about it. Check your listings to catch it.

She's probably a fat, toothless grandma (see "people of walmart") running a scam on you.

Have you at least "skyped" or "oovoo'd" with this woman?
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Old 12-09-2012, 12:48 PM
Location: East coast-New England
1,638 posts, read 2,074,429 times
Reputation: 3538
Yes..definitely a CatFish episode going on here.
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Old 12-09-2012, 02:18 PM
924 posts, read 1,077,080 times
Reputation: 1932
If it's any consolation I've heard of many people being scammed in a similar way out of a lot more than 20K. The real problem is not this woman but your money handling skills. Become more competent in this area with an amount set aside to cover your bills, a strict monthly allowance for nonessential spending and ZERO $$$ in your budget for "helping people" i.e. scam artists, freeloaders and parasites. If you are the generous type give to a reputable tax deductible charity organization. Make your personal loan max $10.00 (if that) and learn how to say no. This woman may be history but there will always be many others more than willing to take her place and they can smell an easy mark all the way from SC to NJ!
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Old 12-09-2012, 03:03 PM
264 posts, read 290,345 times
Reputation: 776
And....this is why therapy exists. You need serious help, dude.
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