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Old 12-08-2012, 09:24 AM
 
120 posts, read 189,238 times
Reputation: 32

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Ok this may be long but it needs to be in order for people to understand my situation and provide proper feedback. And so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.

I met this woman online a couple years ago thru working ( not a dating site ). We did some work together and eventually became really cool with each other on the phone, talking about many things other then work. We were in different states ( I was in NJ, she was in South Carolina, but originally from NJ ) so meeting up anytime soon wasn't an option.

Even when conversating with her I could tell she was spoiled. She was a couple years older than me I was 24 at the time. But she was still nice to me and honestly I had just got out of a bad relationship a couple months before talking to her. I didn't think it was possible but I was actually starting to fall for her as I seen we were staying up very late talking to each other.

But part of me was saying to myself there is no way this would actually work out especially us being so far apart and never having met. And how i felt about women at the time wasnt the best. We did exchange pics and she was gorgeous, and she felt the same way about me. I ended up telling her how I felt and to my surprise she felt the same and we decided to be together and eventually meet up when she came back to nj and go from there. Now lets fast fwd to the bad parts.

Since we started talking, she has been in situations where she has needed my help financially. I've given her over 20k since we have been together. When i need money from her, i get an excuse about how she cant or she would say she will do it tomorrow and something always came up and she couldnt spare the money. There have been times I was so broke I started selling things just to have some money and to help her. But she never did the same for me she only sent me money a couple times. But the money part isn't what bothers me.

Over the period of the 2 years we have been together she has broken up with me at least once a week, cursing me out calling me a loser and that I don't have anything going for me and that all of her ex boyfriends had money and careers and she refuses to settle with a loser. For some reason I put up with this kind of behavior from her all this time. She has also hacked into my email accts, my Facebook all of that and read my messages from past relationships. Somehow she broke up with me and we would always end up getting back together with me calling her constantly and trying to be the adult and fix things. My guess is she is bipolar because one min she will be in love with me and the next she will hate me. But this isn't the worst of it.

AFTER TWO YEARS OF GOING BACK AND FOURTH ON THE PHONE WE HAVE YET TO MEET IN PERSON!!! I know you guys are going to think I'm a fool and to be honest I am. It's not that I haven't tried to meet her she won't meet up with me for some reason. It's always an excuse about money and how she wants us to be financially set before meeting in person. I told her I dont care about all of that but she does. She has even had phone convos with my family without my permission. Do you kno how frustrating it is to claim to have a gf and nobody ever sees you with one? And the sad part is she recently came back to nj but she broke up with me about a week ago and said she doesn't feel the same about me anymore because I have nothing going for me and that I get on her nerves. She then tells me she knows she is a ***** and doesn't care that she is.
Just my luck right?

I haven't had the best childhood growing up my parents were pretty controlling and abusive to me. I ended up having really bad anxiety. I have had only a handful of good relationships the rest have been bad but not like this one. I really thought this would work out she even had me wanting to commit suicide at one point. I'm just thinking how could someone be so cruel? All I've tried to do was help her even though I don't have much. I haven't spoken to her since she last broke it off with me and don't plan to no matter what.
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Homeless
17,711 posts, read 12,332,972 times
Reputation: 11978
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCoast8 View Post
Ok this may be long but it needs to be in order for people to understand my situation and provide proper feedback. And so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.

I met this woman online a couple years ago thru working ( not a dating site ). We did some work together and eventually became really cool with each other on the phone, talking about many things other then work. We were in different states ( I was in NJ, she was in South Carolina, but originally from NJ ) so meeting up anytime soon wasn't an option.

Even when conversating with her I could tell she was spoiled. She was a couple years older than me I was 24 at the time. But she was still nice to me and honestly I had just got out of a bad relationship a couple months before talking to her. I didn't think it was possible but I was actually starting to fall for her as I seen we were staying up very late talking to each other.

But part of me was saying to myself there is no way this would actually work out especially us being so far apart and never having met. And how i felt about women at the time wasnt the best. We did exchange pics and she was gorgeous, and she felt the same way about me. I ended up telling her how I felt and to my surprise she felt the same and we decided to be together and eventually meet up when she came back to nj and go from there. Now lets fast fwd to the bad parts.

Since we started talking, she has been in situations where she has needed my help financially. I've given her over 20K since we have been together. When i need money from her, i get an excuse about how she cant or she would say she will do it tomorrow and something always came up and she couldnt spare the money. There have been times I was so broke I started selling things just to have some money and to help her. But she never did the same for me she only sent me money a couple times. But the money part isn't what bothers me.

Over the period of the 2 years we have been together she has broken up with me at least once a week, cursing me out calling me a loser and that I don't have anything going for me and that all of her ex boyfriends had money and careers and she refuses to settle with a loser. For some reason I put up with this kind of behavior from her all this time. She has also hacked into my email accts, my Facebook all of that and read my messages from past relationships. Somehow she broke up with me and we would always end up getting back together with me calling her constantly and trying to be the adult and fix things. My guess is she is bipolar because one min she will be in love with me and the next she will hate me. But this isn't the worst of it.

AFTER TWO YEARS OF GOING BACK AND FOURTH ON THE PHONE WE HAVE YET TO MEET IN PERSON!!! I know you guys are going to think I'm a fool and to be honest I am. It's not that I haven't tried to meet her she won't meet up with me for some reason. It's always an excuse about money and how she wants us to be financially set before meeting in person. I told her I dont care about all of that but she does. She has even had phone convos with my family without my permission. Do you kno how frustrating it is to claim to have a gf and nobody ever sees you with one? And the sad part is she recently came back to nj but she broke up with me about a week ago and said she doesn't feel the same about me anymore because I have nothing going for me and that I get on her nerves. She then tells me she knows she is a ***** and doesn't care that she is.
Just my luck right?

I haven't had the best childhood growing up my parents were pretty controlling and abusive to me. I ended up having really bad anxiety. I have had only a handful of good relationships the rest have been bad but not like this one. I really thought this would work out she even had me wanting to commit suicide at one point. I'm just thinking how could someone be so cruel? All I've tried to do was help her even though I don't have much. I haven't spoken to her since she last broke it off with me and don't plan to no matter what.

WOW! Live & learn & stay OFF CL!!
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Chicago
211 posts, read 538,560 times
Reputation: 386
It's time to contact Nev from Catfish!
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:38 AM
 
1,305 posts, read 2,456,519 times
Reputation: 1836
What a fool. I never give money to friends, family, or GF. No exceptions. $20K and you never met her. She must have a spell on you for you to not notice you are getting scammed. She doesn't like you. In fact she despises you and the fact that you are weak with no backbone. If she moved to NJ, she wouldn't date you. Just cut your losses and move on.
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
1,091 posts, read 1,359,924 times
Reputation: 1776
Wow. I'm sorry that you had such a bad childhood. Some folks are just terrible parents. Hopefully in the future, if you have kids, you can avoid the pitfalls. That being said.....

You need a few life lessons. Considering what happened, I'm sure you're learning fast. Even though you worked briefly with this person, you still were basicaly an online couple. People that you meet online, most of the time, aren't who you imagine them to be. Why? Because without face to face contact, you truly don't know them, and that causes you to have to fill in the blanks, and it's human nature to fill in the blanks with good things. Did you know that 90% of communication is non verbal? That means no matter what you hear, you're only getting 10%. You need to meet face to face to get the other 90%. You obviously gave this scammer the benefit of the doubt, to the tune of 20K. That's a pretty expensive lesson. Hopefully, you don't ever send anyone that you don't truly know money again, and that you stay away from the online stuff. Not everyone is out to scam you, but there are enough that will surely take advantage of you.
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Old 12-08-2012, 09:57 AM
 
21,331 posts, read 9,695,146 times
Reputation: 26598
Quote:
Originally Posted by WestCoast8 View Post
I'm just thinking how could someone be so cruel?
I'm just thinking how could someone be so naive and foolish?
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:02 AM
 
9,409 posts, read 13,187,495 times
Reputation: 20362
I'm sorry you had a rough childhood but this woman is abusing you and it's time for you to break your cycle of abuse.

Some counseling might help you with your self esteem issues but you really need to decide for yourself that you want to make positive changes and some positive choices in your life. Dumping this woman is a good start.
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:04 AM
 
21,446 posts, read 19,368,931 times
Reputation: 50910
Wait. Did you meet her through work or Craigslist? Your title contradicts your post.

And seriously, you have sent this girl $20,000 in two years? But you could never get $200 together for a plane ticket?

Meanwhile you endure her verbal abuse on a weekly basis.

OK.
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:04 AM
 
354 posts, read 498,141 times
Reputation: 279
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slam4444 View Post
It's time to contact Nev from Catfish!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL. i read this thread awhile ago when it was still in personals section. I said exactly the same thing. but for some reason i can't post in that section.... hmmmm,,,


anyway I told the OP to please write this to catfish the tv show coz i want to watch this trainwreck.... badly!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Wait. Did you meet her through work or Craigslist? Your title contradicts your post.

And seriously, you have sent this girl $20,000 in two years? But you could never get $200 together for a plane ticket?

Meanwhile you endure her verbal abuse on a weekly basis.

OK.
lol i know right.... all u can really do is.....


and OP reality check alert.... she has never been your gf. in fantasy world... yes. in reality? no.

the reality is though you lost 20k wow.. i bet if you gambled it you will have felt good. LOL or even won the jackpot.

Last edited by msvalentine; 12-08-2012 at 10:13 AM..
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Old 12-08-2012, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,357 posts, read 8,011,896 times
Reputation: 8557
Quote:
She has been in situations where she has needed my help financially. I've given her over 20k since we have been together.
I stopped reading after this. I'm sorry you had an abusive childhood but so have millions of others and they don't fall for ridiculous scam artists. And she was never your "girlfriend," and you were never remotely in a "relationship." You even met this lying piece of scum! Please learn from this and don't repeat the same egregious mistake with someone else.
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