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Friends first has always worked for me. The more I get to know someone the more attractive they become...or not.
Me too. In my experience most of the happily married people I've known were friends first. You can be friends and still have that spark, you just draw it out until you know the person better.
Sure, I've known some couples who had sex within hours of meeting and ended up in a good marriage. But that's usually (not always), the exception to the rule.
Me too. In my experience most of the happily married people I've known were friends first. You can be friends and still have that spark, you just draw it out until you know the person better.
Sure, I've known some couples who had sex within hours of meeting and ended up in a good marriage. But that's usually (not always), the exception to the rule.
Well we're young, so no doubt in the future it will work that way. Generally speaking people in their twenties don't do the friends first thing.
That is, why is it so rare for a person's feelings for someone to make the leap from "friend" to "potentially more than friend"? I've only ever had it happen once, with my first girlfriend. We started off just hanging out, never really saw it as dating... then she hinted pretty strongly that she liked me more than that, and I did as well, so it kinda took off from there.
But ever since then, it's like that spark never fires. And judging by the posts on here, the same is true for a lot of men and women. What gives?
When I first started dating, you either liked someone or you didn't, and you either gave it a chance for a first date, or not. When I was single again at 38, I wasn't looking for men to get to know and become friends with and then hope it would turn into something more at some point.
For me, it's never been a consideration to become friends first and then potentially have it turn into something more. Part of the dating process is getting to know someone, and hopefully you're developing a friendship, along with the romantic relationship and sexual relationship. You don't have to establish a firm friendship base before officially going out on dates. There's a post currently about a guy who has been "talking with" a girl for 3 months but isn't ready to commit to a date or to be BF/GF. He's lost out because he took too long. I'm betting she was interested in going out, not in becoming his chat buddy.
Of course everyone's experience is different, but nowhere in the rules of dating has it ever said you needed to be their friend first. Sometimes it might work that way, and a lot of times it won't, because of potential confusion for where things stand versus where one party hopes they'd be.
That is, why is it so rare for a person's feelings for someone to make the leap from "friend" to "potentially more than friend"? I've only ever had it happen once, with my first girlfriend. We started off just hanging out, never really saw it as dating... then she hinted pretty strongly that she liked me more than that, and I did as well, so it kinda took off from there.
But ever since then, it's like that spark never fires. And judging by the posts on here, the same is true for a lot of men and women. What gives?
I cannot speak for women, but I think the reason friends first often fails for men is that most desirable women are being chased by more than one man at any given time. The man who takes his time, who tries to become friends first, will lose his chance. He'll simply be pushed aside by another man who is more aggressive.
Me too. In my experience most of the happily married people I've known were friends first. You can be friends and still have that spark, you just draw it out until you know the person better.
Sure, I've known some couples who had sex within hours of meeting and ended up in a good marriage. But that's usually (not always), the exception to the rule.
I've known completely different. I know many couples who are married, and each one met somewhere and started dating. Never a single thought about "friends first".
Likewise, I've known many friends who decided to date eachother, and they broke up within' a few months or less. Some ended hating eachother, and some decided they didn't want to ruin a friendship.
I have never met a couple that started as friends who decided to couple up and lasted more than 5 months. Not 1.
I cannot speak for women, but I think the reason friends first often fails for men is that most desirable women are being chased by more than one man at any given time. The man who takes his time, who tries to become friends first, will lose his chance. He'll simply be pushed aside by another man who is more aggressive.
A wise man once said: "He who hesitates, masturbates"
Friends first can definitely work (it's worked for me plenty of times), but it's not the ideal situation....and you really can't bank on it.
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