Why does 'friends first' almost never seem to work out?

[stepka]

I was friends for 7 years with my ex but I wouldn't go that route again as the sexual attraction was rather weak. I told myself it didn't matter, but after 23 years it mattered very much and in dating I looked for chemistry. I found it and someone much more compatible in every way and can't imagine that we'd have held off and stayed friends.

[PhenomenalAJ]

Originally Posted by MilkMachine

I was friends first with my husband. I wasn't interested in him romantically AT ALL until we got to know each other really well. Now we've been very happily married almost 10 years.

Originally Posted by stepka

I was friends for 7 years with my ex but I wouldn't go that route again as the sexual attraction was rather weak. I told myself it didn't matter, but after 23 years it mattered very much and in dating I looked for chemistry. I found it and someone much more compatible in every way and can't imagine that we'd have held off and stayed friends.

Every response here saying that someone was their friend first is from a woman and I don't understand that. Why did you think "ew id never let him touch me" when you met him then change your mind and think "god I wish he'd jump my bones". That makes no sense, what broke these men out of the friendzone?

[srjth]

I don't see the point of being friends first with someone you are attracted to. I can see dating and taking it slow, but friends first? How ridiculous.

If I think of a guy as a friend, it's because we get along super well and have fun together, but I am not attracted to him and that will never change, or he is not attracted to me and that will never change. I've never had any luck with this.