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Old 12-08-2012, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,394 posts, read 15,687,113 times
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That is, why is it so rare for a person's feelings for someone to make the leap from "friend" to "potentially more than friend"? I've only ever had it happen once, with my first girlfriend. We started off just hanging out, never really saw it as dating... then she hinted pretty strongly that she liked me more than that, and I did as well, so it kinda took off from there.

But ever since then, it's like that spark never fires. And judging by the posts on here, the same is true for a lot of men and women. What gives?
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:05 PM
 
1,304 posts, read 2,575,014 times
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Because going out of the friendzone is tough so its best to never go in it. The more you become friends, the less she is attracted. Make a move early on so you know where you stand and to save a lot of time.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:07 PM
 
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Friends first has always worked for me. The more I get to know someone the more attractive they become...or not.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:11 PM
 
12,573 posts, read 15,557,269 times
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Methinks the "friends first" philosophy is a fallacy, especially when implemented as a "process" in developing a relationship. If the chemistry is there it will be there just roll with it; don't always feel you have to be friends first to have a fruitful relationship.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:15 PM
 
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never worked for me, that's why I do not keep single women as friends IRL.

all my female friends are married. Friends first, to me, has been nothing but bad.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Westminster, CO
904 posts, read 1,381,582 times
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My first wife and I were friends first. That blossomed into a 25+ year relationship. My second wife and I started off looking at each other as potential long-term partners. I certainly hope that we beat that 25+ year number.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:22 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,994,999 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Friends first has always worked for me. The more I get to know someone the more attractive they become...or not.
It's worked in the past for me too. It's a natural progression.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:23 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,888,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
Friends first has always worked for me. The more I get to know someone the more attractive they become...or not.
This. I am finding the more I spend with the guy I like, the more he becomes attractive. Likewise many of the guys I liked before once I got to know them I disliked them.

My brother and sister in law were friends first and have been married over 12 years. There is nothing wrong with taking time to get to know someone because once the sparks fade (and they will in a long marriage)you want someone you like as well as love, someone you enjoy having sex with but also talking and doing things together.
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Old 12-08-2012, 12:32 PM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
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It hasn't worked for me, nor have I ever seen it work in my circle of friends. Maybe it's easier to work the friends first thing if you're a woman? I don't know.
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Old 12-08-2012, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,394 posts, read 15,687,113 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck View Post
It hasn't worked for me, nor have I ever seen it work in my circle of friends. Maybe it's easier to work the friends first thing if you're a woman? I don't know.
Maybe. Like I said, my ex was the first to bring up the topic.
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