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Actually - I'm more hard pressed to think of anyone in bad relationship... The few that I know of are now divorced. My parents - great marriage until my father passed away. My husband's parents - over 40 years and they are still lovey dovey with each other. My marriage - awesome! My best friend found someone as crazy and wonderful as she is - and they are very happy together. My other close friends - all happily married. I have one and and one uncle who seem to have rocky marriages - but my other aunts, uncles, and cousins all seem really happy. Most of my friends and I all married in our late 20's- 30's - and everyone seems like they found the person they are supposed tobe with.
Maybe people bother with relationships because they don't know the same people that you do!
Same here. I just went over in my head 4 close friends that are in relationships and 4 couples that I am related to. 7 are solid and the other one may be. No doubt they have had their problems through the years but they seem happy now.
I'd say about 50% of those I know have good relationships with about another 30% having great ones. The rest are probably content. I don't know of anyone married that I would describe as being unhappy in their relationship...
I'd say about 50% of those I know have good relationships with about another 30% having great ones. The rest are probably content. I don't know of anyone married that I would describe as being unhappy in their relationship...
I would agree with this. In my circle I see probably the same ratio.
When you consider the romantic relationships of the people around you, how many would you consider 'good' (meaning seem well-suited, no one is miserable, cheating, bitter, etc.) vs. how many would you consider bad?
I quite honestly can't think of a single 'good' relationship. My parents- miserable. All of my siblings- miserable. My friends- miserable. No one in any of the relationships are bad people, but they got married or involved for bad reasons. Mostly thinking the other person would change, I suspect.
I don't really understand why people bother with relationships when everyone I know involved in one is unhappy with their partner. I really, really don't understand why they marry thinking the other person will change.
you said you don't understand why other people bother because of the people you know?
I knew some women that swore they had it great and they got cheated on. So I'm going to assume many of the ones that claim to have it so great are really just getting cheated on like most other women. When men have so many options & access to random women today, I don't see any reason why they would be faithful at all. Cheating/experiencing multiple women for today's men has the 'advantage' of technological sophistication. They could probably pick up hookers in the 1950s, but they couldn't order them online with a click of a button, to the privacy of their homes and hotel rooms....
No one in any of the relationships are bad people, but they got married or involved for bad reasons. Mostly thinking the other person would change, I suspect.
So from the outset, your parameters are utterly skewed or your circle of friends/family are in a distinct minority. I don't think I've ever known anyone who married someone thinking they could change them. Maybe people in High School or in their early 20's think this, but very few people with a discerning brain would even entertain the idea. No one changes unless they have the will and desire. People don't change because others demand it.
So of course if you hang with people who get involved or married "for bad reasons," you're going to be surrounded by people in miserable marriages. Doesn't that make sense? Widen your circle of friends to include people who marry because they are compatible, have common interests and like and love each other. Those are the right reasons to marry.
As for the question, I can't answer it. I know I'm happily married, though every relationship has its ups and downs and sometimes I get pissed or sick and tired of my husband. But I never presume to judge other peoples marriages unless both partners are confiding in me and I have inside info from both sides. The only people who know what a marriage is like are the spouses themselves.
But here's a general rule of thumb: if you work with a married person who seems happy, smiles, laughs and has a good time, the chances are, they are happily married. Miserable people generally have a difficult marriage and you can see it etched on their faces. But there are exceptions to this rule, obviously. And anyone who drones on and on about how deliriously happy they are in their marriage, I will guarantee you has issues. I wll exclude honeymooners from this.
"It's easy enough to preach morality on a full belly."
Men have too many options today to remain faithful to one woman for a duration of years. I'm not saying they didn't have options way back when, they always have -- I'm saying in this day and age it makes it virtually impossible that they are going to stay the course with the same woman without straying. As soon as the first opportunity comes along and looks better then the status quo -- forget it.
Nothing is absolute, there are always exceptions. I'm sorry if you've been hurt.
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Widen your circle of friends to include people who marry because they are compatible, have common interests and like and love each other. Those are the right reasons to marry.
