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people flip the script all the time. You see her TRUE colors now, time to move on. Dont even tell her..just move on..itll hopefully knock some sense into her
I do think that the OP and his girlfriend need to part ways, however let it be said that there's two sides to every story and the truth lies somewhere in between. Truth aside, this relationship has become toxic and is of no benefit to either party.
You don't have kids, you don't live together - part ways. Going on together is only going to build resentment. In reality, neither of you is probably a bad person despite the picture you've painted. The long and short of it is that basically, you're not well-suited for one another and you're both acting in undesirable ways because you're unhappy. Do yourself and her a favour, let the relationship go.
I do think that the OP and his girlfriend need to part ways, however let it be said that there's two sides to every story and the truth lies somewhere in between.
That's true, who knows what he does to her as well? Regardless of that though, I would end it based on all the stress and drama. It seems like an unhealthy situation.
I'm both a wonderful and a terrible boyfriend. The same goes for her as a girlfriend. We are truly good hearted people, it's just that we act out these behaviors when we're upset with each other. She tends to get annoyed with me constantly and show it without filtering her actions. I'll become quite upset by that, while she'll forget about it a half-hour later and return to a state of happiness. Her annoyances stick with me a long time, though. I'm a sensitive sponge and it takes me a long time to move forward when I am in an upset mood. And I often want explanations, winded apologies, insight on her part etc., when she did something I did not like (as you can tell I'm a bit high-context with my psycho-lingo). She doesn't give that. More of a "Don't be mad... let's have fun and move on." Where-as I'm stuck in a mood, thinking... "Uhhh...", with lots of unresolved conflicts and needs. I'm a moody person with a lot of self-restraint, and she's a very sensitive emotional person who is very reactive and affective. So the anger and resentment builds and builds inside me. Yet somehow she stays cheery (but that doesn't stop her from critiquing me all the time)? I demand for resolutions, never feel I truly get them, and let things build up inside me until I threaten to break up.
She's a lot more resilient, cheerful and positive than me. Which makes me doubt myself (maybe I'm just moody? depressed? it's all happening "in my head"?)
I agree with the posts above that, in general, the relationship is dramatic, stressful and toxic. I know it's not good for my health. The stress can make me feel so physically ill and exhausted, while psychically I'm a mess. I'm having a tremendously difficult time, however, ending the relationship.
First, I recite a story to myself that if I were sophisticated/kind/skilled/resilient/positive enough, I could influence and change the patterns of how her and I relate. After all, we have a lot of loving interactions that I did not write about; it's the unhealthy drama cycles that are the problem. And I think maybe if we stopped acting out these trained responses, we could return to the loving couple we were a few months ago.
Second, she's quite dependent on me. I didn't mention we live together. If we break up, she will have to move back to her home state with her family. Her family is quite abusive. If I love her (whether or not I want to be with her), I can't imagine sending her back home to that environment. I chose her -- maybe I need to suffer for another year or two until she can support herself? Whether or not she's a good partner for me, she deserves care and support as she is a valuable human being.
Third, I fear the consequences it will have to her esteem. I have a lot to offer. I am about to graduate with my B.A. degree at the highest honors, I have thriving talent in music that could take me places, I am motivated and do cardio everyday so my body looks good, I am pretty smart, I am very kind and I like to think I'm a good, understanding boyfriend. It could crush her to lose a guy like me. She says so often that she is obsessed with me, that she loves me, that she wants my family, that I am "the total package," etc. I know she will NEVER leave me. So... I have a lot of guilt and anger at myself for considering this path.
The relationship seems toxic, for sure. I feel like I'm stuck in a no-mans land of a) not having what it takes to leave and not wanting to give her those terrible consequences and b) hoping somehow that therapy or improving myself could help this relationship. Really, compared to her cheeriness, I appear to be some kind of a depressed-monster-zombie.
I am considering psychotherapy for me individually (as you can see I'm all over the place), or couples therapy (its probably worth some third party help before making a decision that will forever change both of our lives).
Thanks for all the serious responses. It makes me feel warm that people are listening to me, and not saying "lol drama" and moving on with that.
I deserve a partner who will sit outside with me on a spring day. I don't know how I ended up with somebody who simply won't.
I must be tired. I have no patience for a wall of self-indulgent whining tonight. There are people all over this world who are starving, dying, homeless, or getting shot at, and you are annoyed that your girlfriend won't tiptoe through the tulips with you and whatever else that screed was about. Everything I need to know is in the first two sentences. Therefore:
1. No one is entitled to a partner of their choosing.
2. You ended up with someone who isn't right for you because you didn't choose wisely.
3. If you're miserable, break up. There is no law saying you have to stay with her.
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