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I agree. After reading more details, this guy doesn't sound too great--for a date.
The 1st date, he's late. Bad impression.
You bought the tickets, which means you paid for him on that. Then at dinner, he didn't offer to pay, since you did buy tickets and wait on him for his tardiness.
Then this date, he takes you someplace that's free, then doesn't pay for your food afterward-cheap as it was, it's the gesture more than anything.
SO, tell him you can be friends--if you wanna be nice.
But if you wanna be honest, tell him he didn't leave a good impression on the last 2 dates. lol
A guy who is normally late, could actually "fake" it on the first date and arrive really early. What point does that serve to you? He just fooled you into thinking he is a little more perfect than what he really is.
A guy who is normally cheap, could actually "fake" it on the first date and go to a really expensive restaurant. He just fooled you again.
"First impressions matter"...you are just encouraging people to fake it in the first few dates and then revert back to their lazy self.
For me, I'd rather see the girl upfront who she is....not this fake first impression nonsense.
I'd love it if all girls acted how they are normally on to their friends on the first dates except they rarely do.
what is the point of a first impression? A facade? A fake heaven?
Which is why.. people say take it slow.
I understand no one's perfect. But, if a person's a genuine dick, they can show that by not really caring to make a positive first-impression, which is okay too if it jives with the other individual in mind.
You're right, some people know how to put an act up for months, and then their true selves show through once they're married and settled in.
But, usually if someone matters to us, we do respect their feelings enough to be a bit more genuine, considerate and show we do care how they feel or think. That's all a part of building rapport and trust is to 'show up' on a date.
Sometimes, most times, I find meeting someone casually takes off the pressure from having to put up a contrived notion of the redundant routine of conventional dating.
in my opinion first impressions dont matter. that said many people base their responses on first impressions, which then colors the relationship. the only time that firs impressions really matter is when you are being interviewed for a job. you are not there for very long so you need to put your best foot forward. but for dating, you need to put up enough of a good first impression to move from the meet and greet stage, to the real date stage.
You take it one step at a time, getting to know each other over a period of time as you see more and more of each other. But if the very first time you meet someone, you make a bad impression, you're probably not going to get a chance to make a good second impression. Making a good first impression is just the start, but at least it shows the other person that you're capable of conducting yourself in an acceptable manner, and perhaps worth investing a second date.
Excerpt from Daniel Kahneman's 2011 book "Thinking, Fast and Slow"
Quote:
pg.83: "The sequence in which we observe characteristics of a person is often determined by chance. Sequence matters, however, because the halo effect increases the weight of first impressions, sometimes to the point that subsequent information is mostly wasted."
On a less intellectual level, I agree that it's a tough choice trying to balance being "authentic" (and imperfect) with "the best version" of oneself,
when first meeting new person (in hopes of being sufficiently appealing such that said person will choose to hang out with you again).
I attempt to "keep it real" so I'm not setting someone up for later disappointment (though at times, it can't be prevented)-
yet it's hard to fight against the desire to keep the interaction as pleasant, smooth, agreeable (and not overly complex) as possible.
It takes guts to recognize/own up to one's limitations, when there are so many folks (against whom one's competing for potential partners) who pretend to be flawless (at least, at first).
Alot of people say stuff like "first impressions matter"
Anybody can show their best on their first date...
Dress really fancy, be really sweet and caring, go to a really nice restaurant, have really good manners, blahblah
but then revert back to their old self after a series of dating...
So then what is the point of a first impression? A facade? A fake heaven?
Because the first impression is what a person really makes his judgement of you on. And yes, EVERYONE judges, especially on a first impression. Anyone that says they don't, is lying. When you first meet a person, he makes a judgment about you in about four seconds, and his judgment is finalized largely within 30 seconds of the initial contact.
Have you ever read the book "Blink"? If not, pick it up. You need to read it.
Alot of people say stuff like "first impressions matter"
Anybody can show their best on their first date...
Dress really fancy, be really sweet and caring, go to a really nice restaurant, have really good manners, blahblah
but then revert back to their old self after a series of dating...
So then what is the point of a first impression? A facade? A fake heaven?
Yes first impression does matter. It's important however it should also be the true impression and not a lie.
I agree that people can easily pretend and lie on their first dates, it shouldn't be done but it's unfortunate it happens.
So yes first impression is the lasting impression. In my view I would better have a bad *first* impression but which is truthful rather then a good *first* impression that is a lie
First impression should also be a true impression
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