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I wish I could change my personality to just not care so much or to not care until he's really proven he's worth caring about. That's what I really want. To not be the kind of person who wears her heart on her sleeve.
Someone will love you for it, honey. You don't need to change. There are plenty of people out there just like you who found someone.
I think you're just hyper focused which makes it harder.
I wish I could change my personality to just not care so much or to not care until he's really proven he's worth caring about. That's what I really want. To not be the kind of person who wears her heart on her sleeve.
You are exactly the kind of woman the book is written for. I don't think you'd be questioning whether to try something different if what you've done all along has worked. All I can tell you is that changing the way I always dated changed everything for me. I never played games, and again don't feel the rules is at its heart about that. It is about what you said above, not putting your heart into it until he shows you he actually wants it. When we pursue, we don't know if he is simply responding passively to our nudges or really wants us. This is really about letting nature take it's course (like our parents and grandparents did) instead of trying to grab the wheel and steer it.
I'm not a game player by nature. If I like a guy I want him to know it, I don't want to play games or wait to call him. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm very open and honest. I'm open with everyone and I make friends pretty easily. I ended up texting this guy Merry Christmas and he replied, then I replied this morning, but nothing else yet. It isn't natural for me to sit around and wait for 3 days. I'd rather text him, get no response, and then say well okay then than to sit and wait for someone. I feel like I want to do the Rules because what I'm doing now is not working! But they aren't natural for me. I hate games. But, I feel like I get taken advantage of.
Is this the same guy who was trying to find employment and a place to live? You definitely do not need to wait around for him. If you have decided he's not the right person for you, then you should notify him of that (sooner rather than later).
For every guy that wants a girl who plays games, there are many more who appreciate women that do not play games. Please do not become a 'game player' b/c you think it will help your chances of meeting the right person. Besides not being true to yourself, it will not help your chances.
The problem is not that you do not have a lot to offer; it's just that you haven't found the right person for an LTR and there's nothing wrong with that. IMO, the 'problem' is with the guys that have had the opportunity to date you and don't make full use of it.
A couple months ago I was complaining about dating and a coworker brought me this book called "The Rules" as a joke. Feeling frustrated a few days ago, I decided maybe I should give it a read. According to the Rules I've been doing everything wrong. The Rules say women don't ask out men first, they always let him pay, they don't have sex too quickly, they don't return his calls right away. Basically they say you let the man pursue you and you always leave him wanting more.
I laughed and rolled my eyes at this, but what I've been doing isn't working, and I'm thinking maybe there is something to the Rules. When I'm dating someone I try make sure our communication is equal. I will text or call him first, I'll make suggestions for dates, I offer to pay, I try to be open and honest and make it clear that I am interested in him. According to a lot of guys here this is what men want - they don't want to play games and they appreciate women who make an effort. I try never to be smothering. If I call or text I wait for his response. I have my own life - friends, family, hobbies, etc. I have a good stable job, a nice apartment, little debt or drama...I work out and take care of myself and I know I'm decent looking.
Maybe trying to be equal doesn't work because men and women aren't really equal. Maybe I should be more aloof, less available, harder to get. I don't think I've ever had so many issues with dating and guys flaking out, not being ready for relationships, guys with their lives not together until I started online dating, so maybe my problem isn't my behavior, but the type of guys I'm meeting on Match...I don't know. Should I follow the Rules? Can it work? Is being available and open a turn off to guys because there's no challenge?
If you are trying to get a guy that won't pay attention to you or a player then I'm sure it works fine. For guys who are tired of the games and don't want to deal with that or the unnecessary drama, then I wouldn't suggest it. Keep doing what you are doing, someone will come along eventually that will value who you are as a person.
Is this the same guy who was trying to find employment and a place to live? You definitely do not need to wait around for him. If you have decided he's not the right person for you, then you should notify him of that (sooner rather than later).
For every guy that wants a girl who plays games, there are many more who appreciate women that do not play games. Please do not become a 'game player' b/c you think it will help your chances of meeting the right person. Besides not being true to yourself, it will not help your chances.
The problem is not that you do not have a lot to offer; it's just that you haven't found the right person for an LTR and there's nothing wrong with that. IMO, the 'problem' is with the guys that have had the opportunity to date you and don't make full use of it.
Cheer up!
Oh no!! I gave up on that guy. I finally asked him what the heck was going on and he told me he just couldn't get into something right now.
I think it's just online dating...maybe they think there's something better, maybe they don't actually want a relationship and when after a month or two it gets to the point of asking what this is they'd rather move onto the next casual thing instead of trying a relationship with me.
I don't text. Period. Maybe I am very old, which, I am, but texting seems sort of stupid. If you want to talk to someone, you call them.
Never make the follow up move. This is not "playing games", this is giving a man the opportunity to decide if he wants to pursue you. Why chase a guy, who is not that into you? He may just string you along until something better comes up.
Really, Strawberry, I worry about you. You seem so desperate to have a relationship. I suggest chilling on internet dating for awhile.
I don't text. Period. Maybe I am very old, which, I am, but texting seems sort of stupid. If you want to talk to someone, you call them.
Never make the follow up move. This is not "playing games", this is giving a man the opportunity to decide if he wants to pursue you. Why chase a guy, who is not that into you? He may just string you along until something better comes up.
Really, Strawberry, I worry about you. You seem so desperate to have a relationship. I suggest chilling on internet dating for awhile.
I feel kind of insulted being called desperate. I just wanted some perspective. My subscription is almost up so maybe I will chill for awhile.
I don't text. Period. Maybe I am very old, which, I am, but texting seems sort of stupid. If you want to talk to someone, you call them.
Never make the follow up move. This is not "playing games", this is giving a man the opportunity to decide if he wants to pursue you. Why chase a guy, who is not that into you? He may just string you along until something better comes up.
Really, Strawberry, I worry about you. You seem so desperate to have a relationship. I suggest chilling on internet dating for awhile.
On the flip side, why would a guy want to waste his time pursuing a woman who doesn't show any interest in him?
On the flip side, why would a guy want to waste his time pursuing a woman who doesn't show any interest in him?
Because television and movies tell us it can happen, like magic! It worked for Urkel didn't it?
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