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Zentropa, seriously... I don't know what you're trying to achieve but I suggest you stop wasting your time trying to lure me out. I'm not going to entertain you or defend myself. When you make a valid point that's not focused on making me look like some kind of obsessive rapist I'll bless you with a rebuttal.
Sonic_Spork, first off all thank you for your feedback. I've enjoyed reading them.
It's clear to me now that the whole "hitting on her at work" thing has been perceived completely out of context.
Did I tell her stuff that could get me fired? Yes, absolutely.
Would I have continued pursuing her hadn't she given me very clear positive signals that she was intrigued? No.
Yes, let's bring on the hate-storm lol ... "how would you know what women like!!! you're a child!!" ..... ok
moving on: I was working in Spain at that time, and to give you an idea of how things work around there... people would drink beers during lunch.. every Friday at 3 management would break out about 20 bottles of Cava (champagne) and we'd start getting drunk at the office.. needless to say I wasn't exactly worried about getting sued, and if I had... well... that would've made for a great story.
I appreciate you looking out for me though, you actually come across as a nice person not strictly interested in making me feel bad about myself. That's the funny thing, lots of people here seem to feel the need to shoot down me and my huge ego when in reality I'm already a miserable piece of human just looking for some answers.
@Virgode: I wouldn't say I'm in denial. I'm not denying the fact that weed is definitely not the way to go, I'm merely pointing out I had these exact same feelings and struggles long before my first joint. I wouldn't know what I could replace weed with if I stopped smoking since I already don't drink. My safest bet would be porn, but I'm already hooked on that lol.
@RockJock: thanks for that, you made some very valid points. I was especially intrigued by you saying I "checked out" when she left for Australia. Can you please elaborate? Also I must applaud you for finding out we're a bad fit with such little info. This is very true but not something I wanted to fixate on.
Few examples:
Money: I'm the type that likes to save money, carefully consider my expenses and never spend money I don't have.. meaning I'll only feel comfortable buying a 400 euro smartphone if I've got enough money to buy 10 of those. She was the exact opposite. She always needed the most expensive and latest stuff when it came to electronics. At one point she owed me over 400 euros and she still found it a good idea to buy a new Samsung SII worth 500 euros. Me personally, I couldn't sleep knowing I was still in debt with someone while just having spent that amount of money on a luxury product.
This is just one isolated example, one of many. In hindsight I've realized just how bad we differ, and still, I love her. These were all things I was happy to accept as long as she continued to accept me and my many imperfections. Money is one thing, but at the end of the day when I felt down or bad she was always right there offering me a shoulder to cry on. Someone to talk to who actually understood. I trusted her with my life, more than anyone else in this world. And even though she loved to blow money, it was never in a "malicious" way (meaning she wasn't trying to use me or whatever). She loved buying other people presents and seeing them happy. Last Christmas she almost didn't have a euro to her name and still she bought me the most expensive headphones in the store just because I once said "I liked them" ..... and here I go again dwelling on how good she was to me.
Your rebuttals are a "blessing"? Lol!
Do me a favour, go through your posts and count how many "I".s and "me"s you have.
Then count the references to others.
Then MAYBE you will be able to figure out why you appear so narcissistic, not only to us but to women all over the world as well, apparently.
Or, more likely, you will just dismiss my advice because I'm not "getting" you.
Last edited by MsAnnThrope; 12-28-2012 at 02:34 PM..
I'm glad I'm coming across as intended, OP, because I often get misunderstood. Indeed I wasn't being critical of your workplace approach, simply pointing out that it might have been a big problem in a different country/culture. I have the feeling that your life and career could take you far one day. You should know these things.
Frankly I don't like to reject people outright or be harsh to them because I don't think it accomplishes much, and I try to avoid poisoning my heart with negativity. And even someone with issues or negative traits is not a total loss, instead of saying "your personality sucks, you need to totally change your entire outlook" I'd rather try and give specific advice on a course of action that might help accomplish a positive change--not just to you, but for you. And ultimately it's not because your character offends me, after all, I don't even know you...it's because I do generally wish people well, and it would be nice for you to find a path that leads to a more meaningful and happy future.
As for entitlement, and the apparent fact that you haven't had to struggle to survive and are "like a spoiled child" to others here...I'd rather see it is a person with the potential to give a lot to the world if you so chose. But it's your journey. Ultimately, you'll make of it whatever you do and live with it one way or another, no? It's what we're all here on this planet doing, for better or worse.
Zentropa, seriously... I don't know what you're trying to achieve but I suggest you stop wasting your time trying to lure me out. I'm not going to entertain you or defend myself. When you make a valid point that's not focused on making me look like some kind of obsessive rapist I'll bless you with a rebuttal.
If folks get frustrated on here and seem "mean," it's only when someone has blinders on and doesn't get that they are hearing real, honest truth. OP, no one here cares if you are perceived as an "obsessive rapist." Those are YOUR words, and you don't even understand that you're getting, like $500 worth of therapy here.
Raffael, you seem to think your situation is somehow unique. But it's not. It's just the breakups and heartaches that come with them.
All those composers of songs and poems and movies about love gone wrong and being dumped by someone they loved were written by people who went through the same thing.
Grieve, weep, get it out so the wounds are bled clean. Time will heal you. Really.
The way you two started out was disingenuous, which doesn't make for a good outcome or a healthy relationship. Intense? Yes. Emotionally charged? Yes. Healthy, lasting and loving - in the true sense? Nope. You only pursued her because your other co-workers struck out with her and you wanted to be the winner. That's disingenuous. Continuing to pursue someone who constantly shuts you down isn't very smart. If you have to hound them until you wear them down, then you should move on to find someone else. I don't think she miraculously changed her mind and wanted you. I get the impression that she wasn't that in to you and when no one that she liked better came along, she figured she'd settle on you since you were so insistent and persistent. That's disingenuous on her part.
It seems like you did end up caring about her and now you genuinely feel a loss without her. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep it moving. You had intense feelings for her, so it will take quite a bit of time for you to heal. This is normal so don't judge yourself too much when she pops into your head. Make every effort to focus on something else. And don't let those emotions control your every move.
Also, going forward, you should learn from this experience and understand your own characteristics, actions and judgment that need improving. This is just a part of life - everyone on the planet has scars. Good luck.
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