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Old 12-29-2012, 07:42 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,041,166 times
Reputation: 12818

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I'm stealing this from another post on this board...

When people show you who they are, believe them! There ya go, simple as that!

//www.city-data.com/forum/27533024-post1.html

This guys actions scream "loser" to me. No way I'd give him a second chance.
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Old 12-29-2012, 07:45 AM
 
11,113 posts, read 19,480,313 times
Reputation: 10174
Quote:
Originally Posted by kito42 View Post
Thanks for the replies. I am glad I am not the only one who felt this was not kosher. Other than the initial ex wife story right up front which I was willing to overlook as a case of nerves maybe making him spill all that... he was very interesting and I really thought it might be going somewhere. That is of course, right up until the check/bill part of the evening. But, I have learned over the years that anyone can "talk a good game" but it is your actions that count and this showed me right up front what the future probably held with him. I guess better to bow out now than waste time and energy and emotions on a guy that is willing to behave that way. I am sorry for how his wife treated but no need to punish other women for that. oh well...

The way his wife treated him was only his side of the story. Some guys have a line you could hang laundry on.
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Old 12-29-2012, 07:52 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,041,166 times
Reputation: 12818
Quote:
Originally Posted by QuilterChick View Post
The way his wife treated him was only his side of the story. Some guys have a line you could hang laundry on.
Yes indeed! Take it with a grain of salt.

He was cutting her down to build himself up. Not a very noble trait in my opinion. It would be different if you had known him for a long time and he's wanting to vent about a situation or get a different perspective on something....but someone you just met? That is such a turn-off.
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Old 12-29-2012, 07:54 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,565 posts, read 2,446,833 times
Reputation: 1647
Reverse the roles and nobody would think twice about it. I always pay for the first date but if the woman doesn't offer to pay for her own drinks/coffee/meal I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker, but it's a huge turn off. A lot depends the woman's situation as well. If she's a student or a recent homemaker coming off of a divorce, then I probably wouldn't give it too much thought but if she's a professional that makes just as much as I do then I expect her to offer, or at least reach for her wallet. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth when I go out with a woman with no kids, that tells me she's something like a CPA or a physical therapist and doesn't offer to pay half the bill on a first date.
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Old 12-29-2012, 08:01 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,947,658 times
Reputation: 11706
The ex wife story was inappropriate for a first date. That said, anyone with a prior marriage is bound to be carrying baggage from it too. So although airing some of the baggage in a first date is not something I would want to happen, I would not let that fact alone rule someone out either. (I assume you knew he had an ex wife prior to the date).

The business with the bill was odd, but I bet it was precipitated by the disparity in what the two of you drank. Still, he should have at least insisted on paying his share, and not just let you pay it, then half heartedly offering to throw a couple dollars your way after the fact.

Call me an old fashioned guy, but I really think the guy should offer to pay on a first date. Especially when it is just a couple drinks! Honestly, if you cannot afford to buy your date a drink or two, you should be out getting a job and not out dating!
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Old 12-29-2012, 11:03 AM
 
681 posts, read 616,992 times
Reputation: 374
Quote:
Originally Posted by kito42 View Post
I have been reading this forum for a while and enjoyed it tremendously.


Soooo...I have decided to try out online dating for the first time ever. I talked with a guy who seemed really interesting for a week or so online, then last night we decided to meet for drinks at a hotel lobby bar near his office. He showed up, looked like his photo, so far so good, but literally within 5 minutes of us sitting down he started to tell me about how his ex-wife had used him as nothing but a meal ticket then cheated on him with his boss. okeydokey... but the conversation turned to other things and we seemed to share many similar views on many topics and got on well I thought. I had had a couple glasses of wine and he had a soda and after an hour or so I started feeling hungry so said "well, I haven't had dinner so maybe I ought to get something to eat" I figured he would motion the server for the check but he just sat there. I looked around for her and got her attention and she brought the check and laid it on the table between us. He made no motion to get it, so I threw in my CC and she came back and got it. My wine was $10 and his soda was $3, I added a $5 tip and afterwards started to get up. He finally said "can I give you a couple bucks for my soda"? but made no move to actually pull out his wallet. I said "no thanks, I've got it" and we walked out to my car. He said something about when we could get together again and I said, "why don't you just email me"

Now, if he had grabbed the check I would have tried to give him $10 for my part and if he turned me down I would have absolutely insisted on at least leaving the tip. He however, seemed more than happy to not have to pay for his soda. I suppose he might have been testing me or something ? but anyway, I have a really bad taste in my mouth about the entire thing and don't really think I will see him again.

So, am I being unreasonable and old fashioned to expect for the man to pay, or at least pay his part? Yes, his was $3 versus my $10 but again, If he had picked up the check I would have offered to pay my part and at minimum insisted on leaving the tip..

What do you think?
The tip and money is the last thing you should be worried about. He started the conversation, talking about his ex wife? What a turn off! I don't like when women do this, let alone a guy. Seems like he was trying to see if you were going to use him though. I mean, what's 13$ to meet someone? If he wanted to go cheaper, he should have met you at starbucks! I would find someone else if I were you.
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Old 12-29-2012, 01:13 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,875,847 times
Reputation: 5946
Quote:
Originally Posted by kito42 View Post
I have been reading this forum for a while and enjoyed it tremendously.


Soooo...I have decided to try out online dating for the first time ever. I talked with a guy who seemed really interesting for a week or so online, then last night we decided to meet for drinks at a hotel lobby bar near his office. He showed up, looked like his photo, so far so good, but literally within 5 minutes of us sitting down he started to tell me about how his ex-wife had used him as nothing but a meal ticket then cheated on him with his boss. okeydokey... but the conversation turned to other things and we seemed to share many similar views on many topics and got on well I thought. I had had a couple glasses of wine and he had a soda and after an hour or so I started feeling hungry so said "well, I haven't had dinner so maybe I ought to get something to eat" I figured he would motion the server for the check but he just sat there. I looked around for her and got her attention and she brought the check and laid it on the table between us. He made no motion to get it, so I threw in my CC and she came back and got it. My wine was $10 and his soda was $3, I added a $5 tip and afterwards started to get up. He finally said "can I give you a couple bucks for my soda"? but made no move to actually pull out his wallet. I said "no thanks, I've got it" and we walked out to my car. He said something about when we could get together again and I said, "why don't you just email me"

Now, if he had grabbed the check I would have tried to give him $10 for my part and if he turned me down I would have absolutely insisted on at least leaving the tip. He however, seemed more than happy to not have to pay for his soda. I suppose he might have been testing me or something ? but anyway, I have a really bad taste in my mouth about the entire thing and don't really think I will see him again.

So, am I being unreasonable and old fashioned to expect for the man to pay, or at least pay his part? Yes, his was $3 versus my $10 but again, If he had picked up the check I would have offered to pay my part and at minimum insisted on leaving the tip..

What do you think?
I hate to say it but sounds like he intended for you to pay from the get go. He also sounds like he has a thing against women. Otherwise he would have either grabbed the bill (my most common experience)or would have handed you money for his drink.

I'd avoid this guy because next time he'll expect you to buy his dinner.
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Old 12-29-2012, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,264,049 times
Reputation: 6658
Quote:
Originally Posted by kito42 View Post
I have been reading this forum for a while and enjoyed it tremendously.


Soooo...I have decided to try out online dating for the first time ever. I talked with a guy who seemed really interesting for a week or so online, then last night we decided to meet for drinks at a hotel lobby bar near his office. He showed up, looked like his photo, so far so good, but literally within 5 minutes of us sitting down he started to tell me about how his ex-wife had used him as nothing but a meal ticket then cheated on him with his boss. okeydokey... but the conversation turned to other things and we seemed to share many similar views on many topics and got on well I thought. I had had a couple glasses of wine and he had a soda and after an hour or so I started feeling hungry so said "well, I haven't had dinner so maybe I ought to get something to eat" I figured he would motion the server for the check but he just sat there. I looked around for her and got her attention and she brought the check and laid it on the table between us. He made no motion to get it, so I threw in my CC and she came back and got it. My wine was $10 and his soda was $3, I added a $5 tip and afterwards started to get up. He finally said "can I give you a couple bucks for my soda"? but made no move to actually pull out his wallet. I said "no thanks, I've got it" and we walked out to my car. He said something about when we could get together again and I said, "why don't you just email me"

Now, if he had grabbed the check I would have tried to give him $10 for my part and if he turned me down I would have absolutely insisted on at least leaving the tip. He however, seemed more than happy to not have to pay for his soda. I suppose he might have been testing me or something ? but anyway, I have a really bad taste in my mouth about the entire thing and don't really think I will see him again.

So, am I being unreasonable and old fashioned to expect for the man to pay, or at least pay his part? Yes, his was $3 versus my $10 but again, If he had picked up the check I would have offered to pay my part and at minimum insisted on leaving the tip..

What do you think?
How would people react if the roles were reversed?
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Old 12-29-2012, 02:08 PM
 
50,510 posts, read 36,145,160 times
Reputation: 76370
Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
How would people react if the roles were reversed?
Well, for me the deal would have ended well before the check came; as soon as he started expressing how he is a victim of his ex and dissing her, I'd have written him off as relationship material. The opposite of love isn't anger, it's indifference, and IMO someone still so angry at his ex that he vents about it 5 minutes into a first date, is not yet healed enough to be dating.
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Old 12-30-2012, 03:50 PM
 
2,152 posts, read 6,783,002 times
Reputation: 1389
Just like Sonny said in "A Bronx Tale" it cost you $18.00 to get this guy out of your life forever.
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