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I finally decided to step outside of the box and give the 'nice guy' a chance only to find myself miserable and low on his priorities.
I'm single, attractive, in my 30's and I am an internist. I don't have kids, my work schedule is better than most physician and I have plenty of free time to dedicate to a relationship but apparently all this isn't enough for some guys. I have the worse luck with men. I have even lower my standards to dating a guy who I found out a few weeks into the relationship still lived at home with mom, dad, siblings and one of his sibling live in boyfriend. He is short at 5'7'' and plays in a band on the weekends. His daytime job is banking. I was willing to see pass the height issues and was glad he had a full time job and even though it bothered me at first that he lived at home, I got over this. What I refused to accept was continuing 'dating him' which to him meant spending a few hours a week with me and refusing to spend the night because he had family things to do, or had to be at band practice or "insert another excuse" After two month of that I told him he wasn't boyfriend material and wasn't making any effort to proof he wanted a real relationship.
My male friends told me that I should never had even bothered offering to split the restaurant bills with him. I personally felt that it was the fair thing to do since I work and can pay for my own meals. This didn't bother me at first but when things started to go down hill it started to bother me as none of my previous dates accepted my offer to pay my share. I guess I was just pissed off at the guy by then.
Anyways, so my attempt to give the so called Mr. Average Nice guy didn't pay off. He was no better than the previous bad dates I had but on some level just left me jaded more so than others.
Honestly, most women in your position just marry other doctors or white collar professionals. Don't lower your "standards" because eventually you will resent the man more than anything.How old is this man BTW?
I finally decided to step outside of the box and give the 'nice guy' a chance only to find myself miserable and low on his priorities.
I'm single, attractive, in my 30's and I am an internist. I don't have kids, my work schedule is better than most physician and I have plenty of free time to dedicate to a relationship but apparently all this isn't enough for some guys. I have the worse luck with men. I have even lower my standards to dating a guy who I found out a few weeks into the relationship still lived at home with mom, dad, siblings and one of his sibling live in boyfriend. He is short at 5'7'' and plays in a band on the weekends. His daytime job is banking. I was willing to see pass the height issues and was glad he had a full time job and even though it bothered me at first that he lived at home, I got over this. What I refused to accept was continuing 'dating him' which to him meant spending a few hours a week with me and refusing to spend the night because he had family things to do, or had to be at band practice or "insert another excuse" After two month of that I told him he wasn't boyfriend material and wasn't making any effort to proof he wanted a real relationship.
My male friends told me that I should never had even bothered offering to split the restaurant bills with him. I personally felt that it was the fair thing to do since I work and can pay for my own meals. This didn't bother me at first but when things started to go down hill it started to bother me as none of my previous dates accepted my offer to pay my share. I guess I was just pissed off at the guy by then.
Anyways, so my attempt to give the so called Mr. Average Nice guy didn't pay off. He was no better than the previous bad dates I had but on some level just left me jaded more so than others.
A few reasons why you are still single:
*You complain this entire time about "lowering" your standards, yet you were the one who willingly lowered them. You knew up front this man lived at home (yet you give us no reason, is he in a financial pinch, is his mother terminally ill, do his parents need help with expenses, or is he just not willing to grow up)?
*You list his height as an issue. This is not an issue. This is you seeing something petty and physical as an issue. This guy was doomed from the beginning. You should have said in your head "thanks but no thanks, i'm not into shorter guys" and moved on.
*Paying for half of your meals has nothing to do with this. I'm sick of seeing this paying half and half crud on this forum.
*He seemed to not want a relationship. I'm surprised it took you more than a few weeks to see this.
*You seem to enjoy the struggle that these relationships used to give you.
*You aren't dating men who live outside of their home.
*You mention his job and your job. Are you only into men with certain jobs? Just asking since you mentioned it, so it must be relevant.
How you can find a man you are interested in:
*Only date men you have a physical attraction to.
*Only date men who see you more than a few hours.
*Only date men who pay for you/don't pay for you, do whatever you think a man should.
*Change your definition of "Mr. Nice Guy" because I really don't understand what you mean by this definition. . Nothing you posted here is remotely definitive to this.
We see this situation a lot here in NYC where there is a surplus of single women in their 30s and older. I think you have to be careful with the way you think about men now. It is easy to look at a man as being a bit "beneath" you due to superficial qualities (like height) and that you are being very magnanimous for dating him as such it will be easier to get a commitment from him. As you now see, that isn't the case. This guy had no interest in commitment (maybe with you in particular or maybe he doesn't want to commit to anyone) and men like this come in all types of packages. There probably was a sign about how far your relationship would go in the beginning, but you didn't pay enough attention to it. I have been the exact same situation, not paying attention to the obvious message! You live you learn, all you can do is move on and know what to look for next time.
Sounds like this guys's problem has little to do with him being a nice guy.
He either honestly did not have the time (which I doubt) or he did not want to make the time (which I believe is the likely situation).
Any guy who is into you, and desires a relationship, is going to prioritize making time and putting effort into seeing you and building a relationship. So good job at dumping this guy, because he did not meet these qualification!
What exactly does this have to do with the "nice guy" thing? Are you a troll?
It sounds like you dated, at best, a guy currently down on his luck or at worst, a manchild. But I don't understand why you are trashing this guy by saying you "lower(ed) your standards" by dating him.
Are you saying that you see "nice guys" as beneath you or that as an internist, you are dating below your league by being involved with a banker?
And what's with the "short" jab? You were either attracted to him or not.
Are you upset he had a life outside the relationship? Sounds like you may be a little bitter that someone "beneath" you wasn't at your beck and call 24/7. In other words you sound full of yourself.
I finally decided to step outside of the box and give the 'nice guy' a chance only to find myself miserable and low on his priorities.
I'm single, attractive, in my 30's and I am an internist. I don't have kids, my work schedule is better than most physician and I have plenty of free time to dedicate to a relationship but apparently all this isn't enough for some guys. I have the worse luck with men. I have even lower my standards to dating a guy who I found out a few weeks into the relationship still lived at home with mom, dad, siblings and one of his sibling live in boyfriend. He is short at 5'7'' and plays in a band on the weekends. His daytime job is banking. I was willing to see pass the height issues and was glad he had a full time job and even though it bothered me at first that he lived at home, I got over this. What I refused to accept was continuing 'dating him' which to him meant spending a few hours a week with me and refusing to spend the night because he had family things to do, or had to be at band practice or "insert another excuse" After two month of that I told him he wasn't boyfriend material and wasn't making any effort to proof he wanted a real relationship.
My male friends told me that I should never had even bothered offering to split the restaurant bills with him. I personally felt that it was the fair thing to do since I work and can pay for my own meals. This didn't bother me at first but when things started to go down hill it started to bother me as none of my previous dates accepted my offer to pay my share. I guess I was just pissed off at the guy by then.
Anyways, so my attempt to give the so called Mr. Average Nice guy didn't pay off. He was no better than the previous bad dates I had but on some level just left me jaded more so than others.
I would not settle. It is better being alone than with somebody you don't (can't) fully respect. I would listen cloesly to my gut and pay attention to how somebody makes me feel.
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