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Well I would never date a person with kids. A long term relationship is very likely not to succeed. This is based on statistics. If you add other peoples kids to that then the relationship is doomed from the start. There may be rare exceptions but in most cases the kids will go to extreme to destroy the relationship.
Too much hassle. If you date a single parent, you will never be on the same level of love.
Very much this. From my experience (which I posted about a while back somewhere on here) I wasn't treated like a equal, more or less as an employee. It got worse after my topic, but that is a story for another time.
What I never get are parents who will not date other parents. I had so many dads try to date me because they don't date single moms. Why would they think I'd want them?
I don't get it either. I personally think they're deranged. I can't imagine dating someone who wouldn't date people like themselves.
I wouldn't date a single dad, I had the opportunity to date one a few months ago but it's always the ex that I think of. Is there any lingering feelings on either side? How did it end? Who's fault was it and is there any resentment left from it? Stuff like that. Other than that, I don't like children.
I am curious about something. Except for online dating (where they ask "how many kids" in your profile), no one has ever asked me if I am a single mom before dating. I suppose it might not matter to those men and that's why they didn't ask. But for those of you who won't date single parents, do you even ask first or just find out later? And what do you do if you ask later, but then really like the person you are dating?
EDIT: The post below mine got me thinking... I wonder if part of this is an age thing too. Most of the men I am dating are like me, divorced, and also have kids. Seems like the whole having kids is more of an issue for men who have never been married and haven't had kids of their own yet. So maybe that's why it never really comes up until after we start the date (and then it's usually us talking about each of our kids).
Last edited by jillabean; 05-21-2014 at 09:00 AM..
I wouldn't date a single mom either. As crude as it sounds and on a very raw level, them already having a child is verification that another man has not only planted his seed but taken it to the very highest next level.
As a man, particularly if one wanted to have his own children, a woman that already has a child (to me), on a purely biological level is the ultimate turn off.
Now on an emotional and relationship based level there is simply no benefit to going out with or being with a single mom when I can just be with a completely single woman. There is also very often an ex husband hanging around whether either of you like it or not.
I was pursued very aggressively by a single mom some time ago but she found it very hard to believe my stance. Her ex husband was always hanging around creating drama and she kept on trying to get me involved with her kids.
She also made it very clear concerning her sexual talents but after she noticed I wouldn't go there, her makeup, nice hair styles, cleavage, leather boots and anything else aesthetically pleasing quickly vanished. She even admitted that there was no longer any point bothering because it wasn't working on me.
Think about that for a second and realise what it means in the long term.
Three or four kids is a hell of a lot for a guy to take on. A lot of them won't want to, and I agree with them. YMMV.
Sorry, I don't believe in super duper special snowflakes (or "unicorns" as they're called elsewhere on the web). People are people, there is no woman with qualities and attributes desirable enough for me to want to get into a 3 or 4-child situation.
Aha. Emphasis on "for me." Your personal preference is your own. I couldn't give a rat's a$$ about a random individual's preference. The above applies to you, but it doesn't apply to all others. When you apply your personal preference to a certain number of people is where it becomes erroneous.
I can say I don't see the attraction to men who don't fall into X or Y category. I like "free-thinking," educated, intellectual, artistic, and nerdy/geek men with very specific interests. But it would be erroneous to claim that a good chunk of women or even "other women" feel the way I do. It would be erroneous because it is simply untrue without knowing their preferences. Since I don't know what all or even most women like then I can't make a claim based on assumptions.
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Well, there's no telling why your SO sold himself so short, only he can answer that.
It simply could be that he didn't sell himself short. You see a partner's child(ren) as a burden or obstacle that shouldn't be tackled. You falsely assume that all or even most men feel the way you do. Such is fallacious.
It's a multilayered problem. The end goal of dating is relationships. suddenly throwing a random guy in to the household and saying "here is your new not daddy kids!" Doesn't work very well.
Marriage is just a legal definition attached, it's not what defines long term commitment.
Yeah... no. This situation is very unfamiliar to me. It wasn't done in my parents' situations when they remarried or any other relative, and certainly not the situation when I remarried.
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Originally Posted by jillabean
Why would kids need a new daddy when they already have one? Unless you are talking about women who got pregnant and don't know who the father was... or a deadbeat dad who abandoned his own child. But most fathers aren't like that. Most fathers are good men and love their kids and stick around.
+1.
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