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The biggest reason I can think of is that the single adult dating a singe parent will NEVER be number one in their life,
In EVERY single case of a single parent their children is their single priority. There is nothing wrong in this, in fact it is biologically correct. However it is a barrier only the desperate will lose in.
You are right, you will not be number 1 in that relationship, but it will be no different if you marry and have children.
You are right, you will not be number 1 in that relationship, but it will be no different if you marry and have children.
I don't know about that.
Because you have an established strong bond before the kid ever arrives.
So while you prioritize the kid, that only strengthens your bond to each other (if you do it right).
I really don't know that any stranger out there would love and take care of my son as well as my wife does.
I was married to a widowed (husband was murdered) mom. After marriage she changed her name from Lynn Smith (*) to Lynn Smith-Jones (*) because her daughter didn't want her to change it. After a while I realized that if I happened to be drowning, and her daughter happened to ask for help with her homework at the same time, the home work would get done before I were thrown a life preserver. The daughter (age 19) wasn't too interested in going rafting with us one day and was telling her mom she didn't want to go when I said, 'You'll have fun Susan.' She said, '**** off Jeff' to me, right in front of the ex who said absolutely nothing. Divorce was swift.
I don't have a problem dating single mothers, but if they don't have the parenting skills to teach their kids respect, we won't be seeing each other for long.
Again, I am not questioning anyone's RIGHT, I am questioning their REASONS.
It is one thing to try having a relationship with a single mother and having that relationship fail for reasons related to the fact she has kids. It is quite another thing to automatically reject women because they have children. I cannot imagine finding someone with 101 great qualities, yet rejecting them out of hand because they are single parents. Yet, that is what many claim to be willing to do. To me, it is just a form of prejudice.
We men frequently, and rightly, demand women stop negatively prejudging us based on bad past experiences with other men. We ought to extend the same courtesy to single mothers.
It's not for you to question their reasons. Their reasons are legitimate to them and that's all that matters.
No one obligated to be open-minded when it comes to relationships. If they want to display prejudice then so be it.
I don't see anything disrespectful about knowing what you don't want and being up front about it. There is nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have the same lifestyle as yourself.
I have no respect for parents who have restrictions in this area. You have lost all rights to be picky, IMO.
am I to understand that if a parent becomes a single parent (for whatever reason) he/she have lost all rights to be picky...in your humble opinion? By picky, do you mean they should have lower expectations and criteria for choosing a dating partner? Seriously just curious.
My number one reason is having to deal with the ex. I have a friend who has dated a single mom. (She came on to him) The ex wanted to kill him, and almost did.
am I to understand that if a parent becomes a single parent (for whatever reason) he/she have lost all rights to be picky...in your humble opinion? By picky, do you mean they should have lower expectations and criteria for choosing a dating partner? Seriously just curious.
Best regards, sincerely
HomeIsWhere...
I meant (and I believe I actually said) that they should not be picky about dating people with children.
Why are kids a deal-breaker for you? I notice this more with men who won't date single mothers, although it can happen with women not dating single dads as well. Is it because the kids themselves drive you nuts and you don't like having them around? Or is it for financial reasons, because you fear that your significant other would guilt you into helping financially support a kid who is not yours? Or is there some other reason i have not thought of?
well speaking as a single, childless man -- i only have a certain amount of resources (time and money) to go through life with.
i'd like to spend that time and those resources on a monogamous family unit where, together, we raise our genetic offspring as the highest priority. So this is very much a biological imperative for me.
Now, even if I don't end up having children of my own, I simply do not want to raise another man's child. That's his moral responsibility. It actually makes me sick to my stomach to think about. For a man it is tremendously shameful to commit to a woman and help her raise a child that she bore with another man. I can't think of a strong enough analogy to explain my feelings of disgust toward these men.
There are exceptions, of course, but they're generally when two divorced people, who both have kids, decide to 'merge families'. Or when a man and a woman can't conceive a child, so they adopt. Or if my brother and his wife died, I would gladly raise his children. These are fine because they're making the best of bad circumstances.
Men who refuse to date single mothers have all kinds of reasons. None of them are all that compelling.
In the broadest sense, men who won't date single mothers don't want to grow up. They want what they had in their early 20s to continue forever. They want a woman to be there for them, but they don't want to have to deal with the realities of her life. Do men have a right to be this way? Yes. But I am not obligated to respect them.
???
I find men who refuse to date single mothers (as in mothers with someone else's child/ren) to be more respectable than men who "hit it" and then run off when their own baby comes.
Why should some men have to foot the bill for other men's laziness / irresponsibility?!
For me, the break point is not whether she has kids or not...
It is unwed mothers.
Poor judgement in the past, indicates a likelihood of poor judgement in the future.
How very fortunate for the unwed fathers then, no scarlet letter to identify their participation in poor judgement. Too bad there isn't a way to stamp the letter L on the foreheads of the sperm donors, what an equitable situation this would make.
Best regards, sincerely
HomeIsWhere...
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With all due respect...
