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Maybe you need to talk someone about it. Despite what some people want to believe, defeating those negative views is not something that's going to happen by snapping your fingers.
Yes, I agree. This is why I hate platitudes like "be confident," because if it were that easy everyone would do it, and no one would have any issues. The mind is plastic but it is not a program you can switch on or off with a single keystroke.
Therapy can help, there's no shame in it. There needn't be anything "wrong" with you to use therapy. Think of it as a tool in your toolbox to manage life.
In this case I would recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
I don't mean having negative attitude towards the other gender (I'm not a misogynist at all) but I tend to have very negative view of my dating options. Whenever I see somebody I might be interested in, I make myself believe that they're not single and even if they were single, they wouldn't be interested in me. If I meet somebody and start interacting with them, I give up right away the second I feel like they are not responding to my attempts to engage them in some sort of pleasant conversation. This causes me to become even more pessimistic
Anybody else in the same boat as me? What causes this?
The only negative attitude I always had about dating is you have to be fake and pretend your life is so great. After a while that becomes mentally draining and causes some to view dating in a negative way.
The only negative attitude I always had about dating is you have to be fake and pretend your life is so great. After a while that becomes mentally draining and causes some to view dating in a negative way.
I agree with this. I'm not really an "upbeat" person by nature. I'm a realist. I know that all these people who claim to have everything together in life that are single, if you really started looking, you would start seeing the warts. I don't have a problem with people having issues. In fact, I expect it! But these days it seems that so many want perfection served to them and in a timely manner. Dating does seem to be like a fantasy land for some people.
But I can see why nature demands dating to be positive because dating is supposed to lead to relationships, which in turn are supposed to lead to children. And all of that is supposed to be positive and life-affirming. So I guess there is a biological reason that people don't like to date Gloomy Gus or Debbie Downer. Dating and relationships are about hope for the future.
It always comes back to procreation and keeping the species going!
I don't mean having negative attitude towards the other gender (I'm not a misogynist at all) but I tend to have very negative view of my dating options. Whenever I see somebody I might be interested in, I make myself believe that they're not single and even if they were single, they wouldn't be interested in me. If I meet somebody and start interacting with them, I give up right away the second I feel like they are not responding to my attempts to engage them in some sort of pleasant conversation. This causes me to become even more pessimistic
Anybody else in the same boat as me? What causes this?
People will try their damnedest to get you to think the way they have deemed is appropriate where these matters are concerned. Half of those methods have been tried on here, to no avail, shocking as that may be . As it turns out, you cannot control what other people think, feel and say. Go figure.
I never known any so called decent men to show an interest in me, but if I suspected they did, I stop liking them immediately and want nothing to do with them. This is my own problem and who cares if other people like it or not?
People aren't obligated to respond to your 'attempts to engage them,' not sure why you think they would be. Maybe you're trying to engage people who are way out of your league in the first place (looks, status, etc) or maybe they are 'off the market.' I'm not saying other people aren't a problem, they definitely are a huge problem in general. Personally I see the same patterns in people, verbatim, despite what they will claim where these matters are concerned.
Yes, I agree. This is why I hate platitudes like "be confident," because if it were that easy everyone would do it, and no one would have any issues. The mind is plastic but it is not a program you can switch on or off with a single keystroke.
Therapy can help, there's no shame in it. There needn't be anything "wrong" with you to use therapy. Think of it as a tool in your toolbox to manage life.
In this case I would recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
It's not about just "being confident" , it's about living your life in a way to allow you to be a more confident person.
I sure wouldn't have the same confidence if I lived my life in my apartment, didn't socialize with anyone and just played video games all night.
Do things you can be proud of, live your life the way you want to be lifting and being "a confident person" is the last thing you'll have to worry about.
I don't mean having negative attitude towards the other gender (I'm not a misogynist at all) but I tend to have very negative view of my dating options. Whenever I see somebody I might be interested in, I make myself believe that they're not single and even if they were single, they wouldn't be interested in me. If I meet somebody and start interacting with them, I give up right away the second I feel like they are not responding to my attempts to engage them in some sort of pleasant conversation. This causes me to become even more pessimistic
Anybody else in the same boat as me? What causes this?
Cowardice, low self-esteem, and self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, you're your own worst enemy, and only you can fix it.
Keep doing what you're doing, and you'll keep getting what you're getting. It's really that simple.
Yes, I agree. This is why I hate platitudes like "be confident," because if it were that easy everyone would do it, and no one would have any issues. The mind is plastic but it is not a program you can switch on or off with a single keystroke.
Therapy can help, there's no shame in it. There needn't be anything "wrong" with you to use therapy. Think of it as a tool in your toolbox to manage life.
In this case I would recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
why would you even start a negative thread like this? Well misery loves company I guess. To answer your question, it's because you have a low view of yourself because you don't value yourself and have low self esteem...No woman likes negativity or pessimism
I think your a bit harsh, I understand what your saying but not everyone has the confidence you clearly have lol mr being a little sensitive towards someone feelings goes a long way
I tend to give up very quickly because I hate that feeling of when you're trying to engage somebody in conversation and you start to feel resistance (like they're not all that interested in you). I feel like you're fighting an uphill battle and tend to give up right away
As far as my negative views go, I guess I've always had that
Don't try so hard, maybe they aren't responding well because they're picking up on you being uncomfortable
Try to do things to help build your confidence and self esteem then try dating again and see if its made a difference
As mr says you can't please everyone
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being a little sensitive towards someone feelings goes a long way
