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Old 01-01-2013, 10:54 AM
120 posts, read 188,311 times
Reputation: 32


Ok this may be long but it needs to be in order for people to understand my situation and provide proper feedback. And so that this doesn't happen to anyone else.

I met this woman online a couple years ago thru working ( not a dating site ). We did some work together and eventually became really cool with each other on the phone, talking about many things other then work. We were in different states ( I was in NJ, she was in South Carolina, but originally from NJ ) so meeting up anytime soon wasn't an option.

Even when conversating with her I could tell she was spoiled. She was a couple years older than me I was 24 at the time. But she was still nice to me and honestly I had just got out of a bad relationship a couple months before talking to her. I didn't think it was possible but I was actually starting to fall for her as I seen we were staying up very late talking to each other.

But part of me was saying to myself there is no way this would actually work out especially us being so far apart and never having met. And how i felt about women at the time wasnt the best. We did exchange pics and she was gorgeous, and she felt the same way about me. I ended up telling her how I felt and to my surprise she felt the same and we decided to be together and eventually meet up when she came back to nj and go from there. Now lets fast fwd to the bad parts.

Since we started talking, she has been in situations where she has needed my help financially. I've given her over 20k since we have been together. When i need money from her, i get an excuse about how she cant or she would say she will do it tomorrow and something always came up and she couldnt spare the money. There have been times I was so broke I started selling things just to have some money and to help her. But she never did the same for me she only sent me money a couple times. But the money part isn't what bothers me.

Over the period of the 2 years we have been together she has broken up with me at least once a week, cursing me out calling me a loser and that I don't have anything going for me and that all of her ex boyfriends had money and careers and she refuses to settle with a loser. For some reason I put up with this kind of behavior from her all this time. She has also hacked into my email accts, my Facebook all of that and read my messages from past relationships. Somehow she broke up with me and we would always end up getting back together with me calling her constantly and trying to be the adult and fix things. My guess is she is bipolar because one min she will be in love with me and the next she will hate me. But this isn't the worst of it.

AFTER TWO YEARS OF GOING BACK AND FOURTH ON THE PHONE WE HAVE YET TO MEET IN PERSON!!! I know you guys are going to think I'm a fool and to be honest I am. It's not that I haven't tried to meet her she won't meet up with me for some reason. It's always an excuse about money and how she wants us to be financially set before meeting in person. I told her I dont care about all of that but she does. She has even had phone convos with my family without my permission. Do you kno how frustrating it is to claim to have a gf and nobody ever sees you with one? And the sad part is she recently came back to nj but she broke up with me about a week ago and said she doesn't feel the same about me anymore because I have nothing going for me and that I get on her nerves. She then tells me she knows she is a ***** and doesn't care that she is.
Just my luck right?

I haven't had the best childhood growing up my parents were pretty controlling and abusive to me. I ended up having really bad anxiety. I have had only a handful of good relationships the rest have been bad but not like this one. I really thought this would work out she even had me wanting to commit suicide at one point. I'm just thinking how could someone be so cruel? All I've tried to do was help her even though I don't have much. I haven't spoken to her since she last broke it off with me and don't plan to no matter what.
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Old 01-01-2013, 10:58 AM
120 posts, read 188,311 times
Reputation: 32
This was her last text message to me when I asked he why she wouldn't be with me

"Its just that ur ugly.. Broke.. Not a pot to **** in or thro it out of...no car.. Cant get credit.. Catch ***** ass attitudes. Do weird ****..no job ..successful career ..etc..other than that ur great..."

This isnt the first time she has gone off on me about this but ut will be the last. she doesnt even have money herself. My response was me telling her that she was right and ill go and kill myself. That was a couple days ago and I haven't heard from her since.
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Old 01-01-2013, 10:58 AM
41,264 posts, read 28,129,648 times
Reputation: 67721
Yes, she's using you. I'm sorry, this is not a relationship, and you should stop talking to her immediately IMO.

THIS is what you need to put your focus on: "For some reason I put up with this kind of behavior from her all this time".
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:08 AM
1,697 posts, read 4,142,180 times
Reputation: 3923
You have to realize that your past / childhood is the reason you seek out and accept relationships like this. If you do not deal with the pain you have over your past, your entire adult life will be hurt and drama, just like your childhood was. Are you open to really confronting the pain and its sources? And then working to become a person who will not accept abuse in relationships?
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:09 AM
Location: Eastern Oregon
153 posts, read 193,771 times
Reputation: 432
I think I might see a red flag or ten....
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:17 AM
21,093 posts, read 19,120,117 times
Reputation: 49911
LOL this is the guy who gave his virtual girlfriend $20,000 over 2 years. This is the third thread he has posted about it.

OP, I think you should ask her to marry you!
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:20 AM
Location: NYC
1,033 posts, read 1,559,655 times
Reputation: 420
Ask yourself how you can learn from this and move on.

Good luck to you, remember, suicide is never a good thing to do.
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:21 AM
21,093 posts, read 19,120,117 times
Reputation: 49911
Originally Posted by WestCoast8 View Post
My response was me telling her that she was right and ill go and kill myself. That was a couple days ago and I haven't heard from her since.
LOL, why would you expect to hear from her if you told her you were going to kill yourself? You are supposed to be DEAD. Dead people do not respond to texts. Waste of time.
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:21 AM
662 posts, read 1,190,437 times
Reputation: 689
Wow!! twenty thousand wtf
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Old 01-01-2013, 11:25 AM
21,093 posts, read 19,120,117 times
Reputation: 49911
I am sorry. OP, you sound like you have a lot of emotional problems and I feel sorry for you. But I--and most people--have no patience for individuals who threaten suicide as a way to manipulate and control others. It really is the lowest form of interpersonal behavior.
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