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Having dealt with a woman who didn't live with her mom but buckled under her every whim, I can tell you it's not worth it to deal with someone who is like that and especially not deal with their parents. Give him an ultimatum and then dump him if it's not met. Sorry to sound harsh but that's not the way you want to have a relationship.
Should but has not. You don't sound like you're going to be happy continuing in this fashion and it doesn't sound like its going to change. I see little option but telling him flat out its time to put on the daddy pants. Men love and respect their mothers but don't live in their basements. No ultimatum mind you, just that you cant do it the way it is and have no choice but to move on if he cant let go of mommies apron.
And your job is to worry about your kids ending up like that, not someone else's.
I think that's outside of the topic. Of course it isn't my job to tell his mom how to bond with her son in a healthy way. I am, however, entitled to an opinion by which I may decide whether or not I may have a chance at maintaining a healthy relationship with a man. You keep brining up my children, but just because you want to work on relationship issues with your significant other doesnt mean you care less about your children.
personally i think youre making a bigger deal out of it than it is; my bf's in his 50s & his mom lives with him because her home burned down; we have a good relationship & feel if hes good enough to not leave his mom out on the streets, hes good enough for me.
personally i think youre making a bigger deal out of it than it is; my bf's in his 50s & his mom lives with him because her home burned down; we have a good relationship & feel if hes good enough to not leave his mom out on the streets, hes good enough for me.
This is actually kind of off-topic. The OP says her bf's mom hates her, and she runs a successful business. Very different from your case.
I think that's outside of the topic. Of course it isn't my job to tell his mom how to bond with her son in a healthy way. I am, however, entitled to an opinion by which I may decide whether or not I may have a chance at maintaining a healthy relationship with a man. You keep brining up my children, but just because you want to work on relationship issues with your significant other doesnt mean you care less about your children.
How old are your kids?
If they are young, and you work full time, I can assure you (through first hand experience) that you neither have the time or the energy to deal with someone elses' overgrown kidult.
I don't even know why you would want to.
What do you think would change, if you and this guy did get more serious?
Do you think his mother will like you more, or less than she does now?
Do you think he will spend more, or less time trying to please her?
Perhaps his mother feels like me - why is a single mother with 3 little kids and a career, devoting her spare time and emotional energy to my son, instead of her own?
If the youngest of your children is 13 or over, ignore the above.
They're from Korea. They've been in the US since 1992. So I should chalk it up as a cultural difference? But I can't stand a mama's boy!
Is he her oldest son? They worship the first born son, constantly dote on them. I can see this being the end result. Anyway, he may actively want to help his mother to this extent. Maybe he likes it this way.
I think you have to accept the fact that there is nothing you can do about it. If you think his mother is going to disappear if you can find a way to assert yourself, you are wrong. And if you think she will grow to like, that is probably wrong too. The situation as-is is it. You have to take it or leave it. I would definitely leave it.
If they are young, and you work full time, I can assure you (through first hand experience) that you neither have the time or the energy to deal with someone elses' overgrown kidult.
I don't even know why you would want to.
What do you think would change, if you and this guy did get more serious?
Do you think his mother will like you more, or less than she does now?
Do you think he will spend more, or less time trying to please her?
Perhaps his mother feels like me - why is a single mother with 3 little kids and a career, devoting her spare time and emotional energy to my son, instead of her own?
If the youngest of your children is 13 or over, ignore the above.
I think someone here is very judgmental. People often bring all kinds of baggage into their relationship whether intentional or not. I met my boyfriend because he appeared to be a responsible, kind-hearted man. The more time we spent together, the more we found each other lovable. He is now mentioning marrige. Why am I sparing time to "her son"? What does this even mean? Do you mean I should go find someone who's more independent? Or do you mean I should never fall for a man? Why do you bring up my kids over and over again? Everyone I know, including myself whether three kids or no kid wants to meet someone else and settle. Everyone wants to be loved and return the love. It's different from the kind of love you give to your child. I'm the best mother I can be to my children, and I also need a partner who can join my family. What you're saying doesn't make any sense and just sounds one dimentional and harsh.
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