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Exactly. The CS payment more than covers what she actually spends on the kids in most cases, AND dad usually adds to it by directly buying the kids clothes, food, gifts, etc.
It's all true. My friend pays over 1000k a month in CS PLUS extra money spent on food, gifts, and taking his kids to various entertainment venues that does not count towards CS.
So I haven't read the whole thread. But one thing I have found increasingly common, there are men who want to be dads, and have a timeline/plan in case they don't find the "one" to birth their kids. I can thing of at least half a dozen men I know that are like this. Some are a little older (like my age) and others are in their mid 20s.
I think thats the attitude of a lot of younger men. I know I don't want to get married because that's basically signing my life away to a woman. Guys NEVER benefit from divorce, the woman gets the kids, the house and alimony. I understand a lot of guys are losers and may want to not lose the only woman they ever got (reminds me of my brother) but its a losing game for normal guys.
That is not true at all. My ex kept our house, most of our cars, boats and whatever. I got the kid with no alimony and child support for a year, before he had his rights terminated.
After a little research, it appears my situation was more legally a joint custody agreement. I think a 50/50 custody agreement would wreak havoc in a kid's life if the parents live in different towns.
I'm not a fan of the term "joint custody" because it gives the impression that both parents are getting something close to equal than what is the truth.
I'm not saying 50/50 is for everyone, but I'd prefer that it were offered upfront. If I were in this scenario, I'd be willing to move into the same area, school district, etc to ensure equal custody is not a stress on daily life.
You haven't explained what 50/50 custody has to do with the ability of each parent to contribute to expenses. If there is to be no money transfer that means the wealthier parent needs to be putting in a lot of work to engage in each and every activiy related to the kid so he can pay. Even in married families women typically take kids clothes shopping etc. more than men y do. Are you saying that the wealthier parent is going to conduct all of these transactions so that there is no need for money transfer......I doubt it.
Yes, that is what I am saying. With equal custody comes equal responsibilities. If a parent isn't willing to buy clothes for their child to use during their time at his or her house, or to pay for the activities they enrolled their child in, that can be used against them in a case for changing the default 50/50 custody to something different. Wealth doesn't matter, as both parents can work during the 50% time the child isn't with them and use those funds to pay for clothes, activities, etc. Also, for most kids over age 4, there's school for the majority of the work week anyway.
I'm looking for 50/50 custody as the upfront presumption, I'm not saying it's set in stone and I'm not saying it can't be changed if a parent is acting in an "unfit" manner.
Last edited by Freedom123; 01-07-2013 at 01:59 PM..
I know right? If I wanted to call her "Wife" then I would marry her. She is my girlfriend or partner. That is it.
Ugh.. I am the girlfriend. We get weirder looks when we say boyfriend/ girlfriend as opposed to husband/wife. We have been together well over 5 years, he is the bio dad to my youngest and has helped raise my oldest. He is the only dad she knows. I think marriage is a deeper commitment to each other as oppose to just playing house.
Who knows when we will get married. He proposes and one of us changes our minds. Now he says we do better not getting married tax wise.
LMAO. You guys are unbelievable. Why should a woman agree to live with you for a number of years, even if she wants to be married.......oh that's right because it's much more beneficial to you & we all know that's what's most important here.
And why do women want to get married? Because it's more beneficial to them. Beneficial as in, a man agrees to sign a legal document that binds him to his wife, and if she should leave, she gets a severance package on the way out the door.
And why do women want to get married? Because it's more beneficial to them. Beneficial as in, a man agrees to sign a legal document that binds him to his wife, and if she should leave, she gets a severance package on the way out the door.
Unless he marries a woman who is more successful and makes more than he does, then HE would be getting the severance package on the way out.
The ONLY reason I would ever get married? If I found someone I couldn't live without. It has nothing to do with money, and I actually prefer separate accounts but managing money as a couple.
Plus, the WOMAN is also signing this binding agreement, why do you think only the man has anything worth giving up?
And why do women want to get married? Because it's more beneficial to them. Beneficial as in, a man agrees to sign a legal document that binds him to his wife, and if she should leave, she gets a severance package on the way out the door.
I'd be surprised if you can get women (and male marriage supporters) to admit this.
The real argument here is not marriage vs cohabitation, it's the risk of divorce vs. a non-marriage breakup. Marriage is perfectly fine for men as long as it doesn't end in a devastating divorce.
I think there will be more respect for each sides' positions when marriage supporters accept that the ending of a marriage is just as beneficial to women as the ending of a non-marriage/cohabitation is beneficial to men.
These lopsided benefits are why many men are opting not to marry or taking longer to pull the trigger. It's also why women push for marriage, they know it benefits them more than an unmarried LTR. People respond to incentives, and right now marriage isn't giving men the same incentives it had in the past.
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