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Hello, I'm about 33 years old, and I recently got out of a Friends with benefit situation with a woman 22 years old (11 years my junior). I'll try to make it as concise as possible. Basically I have been living in Seattle for about 7 months, and since that time I have been carrying on a very hot sexual relationship with a much younger woman. I was lonley, she was there, it happened, it was never meant to be seriously. But over time I started to evaluate my life, and I realized that the relationship was unhealthy. I also realized that we started to develop incredible chemistry. Looking at the situation I realized that I may be getting a little too attached, so last Friday I decided to break it to her that I wanted to stay friends, but didn't want to continue doing what we've been doing. My reason was that I wanted a deeper relationship with someone. She somewhat agreed and took it very well. She also revealed to me she had been on and off with her daugher's father, and she's getting to the point in her life she's tired of waiting for him, and she felt I was a great alternative to her baby's father. The breakup date went very well, and I was looking forward to our continued friendship.
Unfortunately though I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. The bottomline is that she makes me happy, despite her being very young, and in a shaky situation with her child's father. I know it can't work, but knowing it can't work doesn't seem to be enough of deterrent. I simply think about her all the time. I text her the other day and asked if she would like to get together in March (as a bit of a status update to touch base) and she said that's fine. But she also said she would love to see me before then. I really do think she's heavily entertaining me for a relationship, and I'm sure I could have one with her if I wanted to go there. But I don't because she's just too young. How do I stop from thinking about her? I really want to text or called her. It's like I love her company, but it's only going to make things worse. Any suggestions?
Hello, I'm about 33 years old, and I recently got out of a Friends with benefit situation with a woman 22 years old (11 years my junior). I'll try to make it as concise as possible. Basically I have been living in Seattle for about 7 months, and since that time I have been carrying on a very hot sexual relationship with a much younger woman. I was lonley, she was there, it happened, it was never meant to be seriously. But over time I started to evaluate my life, and I realized that the relationship was unhealthy. I also realized that we started to develop incredible chemistry. Looking at the situation I realized that I may be getting a little too attached, so last Friday I decided to break it to her that I wanted to stay friends, but didn't want to continue doing what we've been doing. My reason was that I wanted a deeper relationship with someone. She somewhat agreed and took it very well. She also revealed to me she had been on and off with her daugher's father, and she's getting to the point in her life she's tired of waiting for him, and she felt I was a great alternative to her baby's father. The breakup date went very well, and I was looking forward to our continued friendship.
Unfortunately though I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. The bottomline is that she makes me happy, despite her being very young, and in a shaky situation with her child's father. I know it can't work, but knowing it can't work doesn't seem to be enough of deterrent. I simply think about her all the time. I text her the other day and asked if she would like to get together in March (as a bit of a status update to touch base) and she said that's fine. But she also said she would love to see me before then. I really do think she's heavily entertaining me for a relationship, and I'm sure I could have one with her if I wanted to go there. But I don't because she's just too young. How do I stop from thinking about her? I really want to text or called her. It's like I love her company, but it's only going to make things worse. Any suggestions?
First, props on dating a much younger woman.
Second, the best way to get one girl out of your mind is to meet ten others.
Hello, I'm about 33 years old, and I recently got out of a Friends with benefit situation with a woman 22 years old (11 years my junior). I'll try to make it as concise as possible. Basically I have been living in Seattle for about 7 months, and since that time I have been carrying on a very hot sexual relationship with a much younger woman. I was lonley, she was there, it happened, it was never meant to be seriously. But over time I started to evaluate my life, and I realized that the relationship was unhealthy. I also realized that we started to develop incredible chemistry. Looking at the situation I realized that I may be getting a little too attached, so last Friday I decided to break it to her that I wanted to stay friends, but didn't want to continue doing what we've been doing. My reason was that I wanted a deeper relationship with someone. She somewhat agreed and took it very well. She also revealed to me she had been on and off with her daugher's father, and she's getting to the point in her life she's tired of waiting for him, and she felt I was a great alternative to her baby's father. The breakup date went very well, and I was looking forward to our continued friendship.
Unfortunately though I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. The bottomline is that she makes me happy, despite her being very young, and in a shaky situation with her child's father. I know it can't work, but knowing it can't work doesn't seem to be enough of deterrent. I simply think about her all the time. I text her the other day and asked if she would like to get together in March (as a bit of a status update to touch base) and she said that's fine. But she also said she would love to see me before then. I really do think she's heavily entertaining me for a relationship, and I'm sure I could have one with her if I wanted to go there. But I don't because she's just too young. How do I stop from thinking about her? I really want to text or called her. It's like I love her company, but it's only going to make things worse. Any suggestions?
Eleven years isn't that much if you get along and enjoy each others company. I don't know that I would want a relationship with a woman who is involved in a lot of drama with her ex-baby daddy if I were in your shoes, but I certainly would not let 11 paltry years make a difference for me.
Second, the best way to get one girl out of your mind is to meet ten others.
I don't do that anymore. I use to keep a "team" of women around I could just call up. I've found that this is a safety net or a crutch. I've found that it just forces me to not deal with whatever pain I'm dealing with from a breakup. Similar to drinking yourself silly instead of dealing with your life problems. At 33 I just find I'm too old to do a lot of serial dating and screwing around too much. If that were the case I would I have never broke things off with this younger woman.
I also want to try to stay single for awhile. I've found jumping from women to women makes me dependent on the company of a woman. I think I need to give myself some room to breathe a little and not get bogged down by dealing with yet another personality. So I'm doing things the hard way. I just wonder if anyone else has decided to do things the hard way, and how were they able to pull it off?
I don't do that anymore. I use to keep a "team" of women around I could just call up. I've found that this is a safety net or a crutch. I've found that it just forces me to not deal with whatever pain I'm dealing with from a breakup. Similar to drinking yourself silly instead of dealing with your life problems. At 33 I just find I'm too old to do a lot of serial dating and screwing around too much. If that were the case I would I have never broke things off with this younger woman.
I also want to try to stay single for awhile. I've found jumping from women to women makes me dependent on the company of a woman. I think I need to give myself some room to breathe a little and not get bogged down by dealing with yet another personality. So I'm doing things the hard way. I just wonder if anyone else has decided to do things the hard way, and how were they able to pull it off?
To each their own.
If you're as good with women as you say, I don't understand why you would want to put yourself in a situation where you will be hurting all the time, as opposed to just relaxing and having fun.
ummm by keeping yourself preoccupied.....drawings pictures (as long at it isnt one of her), learn a different language, learn some lyrics to a rap song- that is fun sometimes.
If you're as good with women as you say, I don't understand why you would want to put yourself in a situation where you will be hurting all the time, as opposed to just relaxing and having fun.
Well I never said I was great with women. Quite the opposite. Sure I can land a woman younger than me, I can get women to have sex with me, and I can do a lot of other things with women, but that doesn't make me great with women. As I have always wanted to get married and have children, yet I'm still very much single and still just messing around. That's part of the reason why I ended things with this girl, because she's someone I got from just messing around.
I don't think a relationship with her can be fun either. We had a great sexual relationship, but there is a difference between great sex and fun sex in my book.
Fun sex is you try a lot of crazy things, you just have a good ol time. Nothing is ever serious, no emotional connection, just an amazing physical excertise.
Great sex, an insane emotional connection. And unfortuantely the sex I had with her was good for this very reason. She will never go down as one of my most experimental partners, but she will always be remembered as one of the best. Simply because of the mental aspect.
So that is why I'm in this situation now. I allowed this FWB situation to go on way too long, and now emotions are involved on her and my end. And she has a baby's father who she still like too. So she has split and mixed emotions, on top of being young. I just does not seem like calm enough waters to swim in, and from a logical perspective I think I made the 'right' decision. But this doesn't mean my feelings instantly go away. But I realize I have to move on, which is why I really feel I need to get over her.
Well I never said I was great with women. Quite the opposite. Sure I can land a woman younger than me, I can get women to have sex with me, and I can do a lot of other things with women, but that doesn't make me great with women. As I have always wanted to get married and have children, yet I'm still very much single and still just messing around. That's part of the reason why I ended things with this girl, because she's someone I got from just messing around.
I don't think a relationship with her can be fun either. We had a great sexual relationship, but there is a difference between great sex and fun sex in my book.
Fun sex is you try a lot of crazy things, you just have a good ol time. Nothing is ever serious, no emotional connection, just an amazing physical excertise.
Great sex, an insane emotional connection. And unfortuantely the sex I had with her was good for this very reason. She will never go down as one of my most experimental partners, but she will always be remembered as one of the best. Simply because of the mental aspect.
So that is why I'm in this situation now. I allowed this FWB situation to go on way too long, and now emotions are involved on her and my end. And she has a baby's father who she still like too. So she has split and mixed emotions, on top of being young. I just does not seem like calm enough waters to swim in, and from a logical perspective I think I made the 'right' decision. But this doesn't mean my feelings instantly go away. But I realize I have to move on, which is why I really feel I need to get over her.
With this new information, I'm inclined to agree with your decision.
Go out and keep dating. Meet many new women and you'll find someone that will work out well.
You really only two options:
1. Date her until you get sick of each other and can't stand each other anymore so you won't have that chemistry problem
2. Date other women and forget about her
It's too hard to just sit there trying not to think of someone. That elephant in the room problem. I don't consider the age difference that big of a deal. But the fact that she's still messing around with her ex and still likes him is a red flag. If you don't feel like dating then just talk to women casually.
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