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But for this woman in particular... well, if she wanted children with her husband or her inability to conceive was a great source of grief, your refusal to consider women with children as partners might seem particularly distasteful. She would likely give her eyeteeth to be stepmother to a child and likely takes an active role in her nieces/nephews' lives. And given you expressed "(I would have had a great last laugh if I left her at the restaurant, having her Daddy come fetch her)." your stance may have contributed to general vibe of misanthropy that did not bode well in her eyes.
That internal sentiment was only generated by the snide "Oh, reeeallllyyy" retort. I incorrectly assumed that, as a child free woman, she wouldn't care. I also wanted to say what I thought, since it would be voiced eventually. I certainly did not have the "Daddy come fetch her" attitude earlier in the day.
I accept this as a combination that was never meant to be. Unfortunately, after her, I have met a lot more of the educated but "punch in the arm, let's get a beer" (figuratively, not literally) types and I have backed out of all of those situations. Dating is something I don't do much of anymore.
Same people. I've told this story before, but got NO answers. So NOW, I am soliciting answers.
I went on a date with a woman I grew up with who was widowed at 33. She never had kids when married and I don't believe she could have them due to some health issues.
She asked about dating and this and that, and I said "I haven't dated single moms. Eh, I don't think I'd have that much in common with them." She retorts "Oh, REAALLLY." Her sister, a veritable Suzie Sorority (in fact, her sister's name WAS Suzie) had married a guy from college, and they set up a household in a nice part of Orange County where he worked, had two kids, and then divorced - then on to living with her two kids.
The date went downhill. When we got to the restaurant, she said "I'll pay. You paid last time." I said "Sure." I knew it was the end of the line. (I would have had a great last laugh if I left her at the restaurant, having her Daddy come fetch her).
At any rate, why would this anger a childless woman (who to date has never had a child) in this manner? I'd like to hear from both women and men.
Because an awful lot of men not only refuse to date single mothers, but actually look down on them. Just look at some of the comments on this forum. Lots of men see single mothers as stupid and irresponsible, as inferior partners who bring nothing but hassles and drama, as "damaged goods" who ought to settle for any man. I am not saying you feel this way, but a lot of men do. She probably saw your comment as a red flag..
Maybe she was reacting to your perceived attitude more than your words. If you were really dismissive and made it sound like you felt ABOVE single moms, she may have been reacting to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
All sorts of things can be read into by your saying: "Eh, I don't think I'd have much in common with them." When a simple -- "I have never dated a single mother" would do just the same.
So I assume she didn't like the way you said what you said, although I saw no reason for her to really get mad about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey
This is what I was thinking... it sounded a lot like OP was passing judgement, even if he didn't think he was.
I don't know her sister, so I didn't pass judgment on her. I just know of her and some snippets of information about her. I wanted to ask how her sister's "marriage of equals" fell apart, but didn't. To this day, I wonder why that happened.
Stating you (indirectly) wouldn't date her sister because of the way her household is set up is not an insult. It's a preference.
Same people. I've told this story before, but got NO answers. So NOW, I am soliciting answers.
I went on a date with a woman I grew up with who was widowed at 33. She never had kids when married and I don't believe she could have them due to some health issues.
She asked about dating and this and that, and I said "I haven't dated single moms. Eh, I don't think I'd have that much in common with them." She retorts "Oh, REAALLLY." Her sister, a veritable Suzie Sorority (in fact, her sister's name WAS Suzie) had married a guy from college, and they set up a household in a nice part of Orange County where he worked, had two kids, and then divorced - then on to living with her two kids.
The date went downhill. When we got to the restaurant, she said "I'll pay. You paid last time." I said "Sure." I knew it was the end of the line. (I would have had a great last laugh if I left her at the restaurant, having her Daddy come fetch her).
At any rate, why would this anger a childless woman (who to date has never had a child) in this manner? I'd like to hear from both women and men.
Did you say it in an offensive manner like it was the silliest thing you've ever heard?
If she's not a single mother, then why would she be so offended by what you said?
My take is that she may have felt you pre-judged a whole segment of people while admitting you know nothing about them, putting yourself in the class of narrow-minded people.
My take is that she may have felt you pre-judged a whole segment of people while admitting you know nothing about them, putting yourself in the class of narrow-minded people.
No, I said I'd rather not date a segment of people, not having been a parent. Again, she was child free. I'm sure that other guys felt that way and she might have been appealing to some because of her status.
So far, this thread is pretty amazing, in that most all of the women respondents paint me as the "bad guy." For all the women answering this way, I should have made this a poll to see if they themselves have kids. Those claws come out when it comes to kids, don't they?
Look, from you I'll take it with a grain of salt, since you are the most defensive poster on Relationships about your child and your lack of a husband. As new as you are, that seems to be your mantra.
No, I said I'd rather not date a segment of people, not having been a parent. Again, she was child free. I'm sure that other guys felt that way and she might have been appealing to some because of her status.
So far, this thread is pretty amazing, in that most all of the women respondents paint me as the "bad guy."
For all the women answering this way, I should have made this a poll to see if they themselves have kids.
You asked for feedback as to why she felt that way. Many people have replied, and your responses are to invalidate what they're saying. No one has to be part of a group to feel offended on that group's behalf. And the fact that you lumped all single mothers together as a collective, instead of the individuals they are, does speak to a narrowmindedness that not everyone finds appealing.
If this happened so long ago, why are you clinging to it still?
No, I said I'd rather not date a segment of people, not having been a parent. Again, she was child free. I'm sure that other guys felt that way and she might have been appealing to some because of her status.
So far, this thread is pretty amazing, in that most all of the women respondents paint me as the "bad guy."
For all the women answering this way, I should have made this a poll to see if they themselves have kids.
So you could have a non bias opinion?
Hmm you should. And make sure every women doesn't know or are related to a single mother. Or is opinionated of them before they even know them. Stereotyping comes in all forms. Yes everyone is entitled to their preferences. But class comes along way.
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