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Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.
They can as long as there is no desire for a relationship between the two. Women love the idea of having male friends. But no self respecting guy keeps a lot of platonic female friends. Gay guys do but not straight men.
So much fail in the bolded statement. People can be friends with whoever they want, no matter who they are or what they do.
I've tried it in the past with some women, and at some point everyone of them has said "Don't think this is going to be more than going to watch a movie." or anything that sounds similar to that, when all I wanted to do is go with someone to watch a movie and she was in front of me, and there was no vibes of interest whatsoever on my part.
So nope. I'm not keeping female friends unless they're married, and even then they aren't much more than acquaintances.
I've tried it in the past with some women, and at some point everyone of them has said "Don't think this is going to be more than going to watch a movie." or anything that sounds similar to that, when all I wanted to do is go with someone to watch a movie and she was in front of me, and there was no vibes of interest whatsoever on my part.
So nope. I'm not keeping female friends unless they're married, and even then they aren't much more than acquaintances.
These women sound like they think they are god's gift to man. You're better off.
These women sound like they think they are god's gift to man. You're better off.
Different types of women, all basically said the same thing to me at some point in the relationship.
Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to bang my friends. I don't know why those women wanted to say that, but after they said it, I dropped the conversation and the friendship. It didn't sit well on my mind that she felt the need to re-establish what our relationship was when there was no need to, which was probably all based on me being single and all men will bang anything that has a willing hole.
So my friend John, who I have known for 5+ years, and has been a good friend to me, asked me to hang out this evening. Which seemed like a good thing at the time - I was studying most of the day ...
A brief scope: I used to like him, for one reason or another, he didn't feel the same back then when I had feelings so we stayed friends, grew close, and he suddenly liked me, a year later, only, my feelings then changed. I just have different priorities now and can not commit. He's a great guy. A bit more closed-minded, and conservative for me, but a good guy in general. I'm an altruistic, compassionate, out-to-save-the-world liberal. Not that it should matter, unless you're constantly voicing your harsh opinions.
Anyway, I'm working FT, going to college at night FT, and hope to relocate South when I graduate ... I have 20 more months, but who is counting ... I tell him this all the time. I'm setting myself up for a new and stable career in a growing industry (nursing) so I can move away from NJ.
So today, he calls me, "you want to hang out- get a New Years drink together?" I replied, "Sure, but something casual, I'm not in the mood to get dressed up" and he responds, "come here and get real casual". I said, "I'll meet you at 7:00pm.
I felt uncomfortable with his response, thought about it, called him back, and said, "You know, I've never been not honest, you know how I feel, if we were meant to be, it would have happen long ago. I think I'll cancel for tonight - you deserve better than me - you're a great guy, and I have other priorities, and it's not dating or getting involved right now"
He got nasty ! "Good luck with with all those priorities". I said, "I'm not sure why you're upset, or sarcastic, I have always been honest with you-". A few seconds of silence went by, and I said, "You know, it's a new year - you should put yourself on Eharmony, or Match and put yourself out there- you're a good guy. I'm not for you. I think maybe it's time we end this friendship - you're holding onto something that will never happen - I'm not the girl for you" ....
I feel bad, but mad at him at the time same for being sarcastic and mean.
Can men and women EVER be JUST friends ?? I never lied to him ....
Rejection hurts. Anyways, it is indeed possible to be platonic friends with a member of the opposite sex, but it has to be made clear early in the friendship that it's all that's ever going to happen. The problem is that feelings can make things very messy, even if they're old and buried- they can be stirred up again with the right stimulus at the right time.
Good luck to you, and don't take it personally- this isn't an uncommon thing to happen and hopefully he'll come around eventually. His rudeness was likely just the only way he felt he could respond to you turning him down, even if you did it fairly gently (but bluntly).
I have a handful of close guy friends. Never had issues with them.
Speaking for the heterosexual male world, it's possible but really difficult to maintain a strictly platonic relationship with an attractive female.
I'll give 2 personal examples where I was friends with ladies and in the first case, the lady (who was incredibly attractive and had a bf) wanted to become fwb. I hesitated because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. As time went on, the sex was great but she eventually decided to end the fwb relationship becasue her bf was jealous (not sure if he knew how far our friendship had gone). Now we no longer have any relationship which was what I was afraid of at the start.
In the 2nd case, I was friends with a lady from work and jokingly asked if she wanted to become fwb and she surprising said yes. In this case, she became madly in love with me and I had to end the relationship.
Surprisingly to me, the women that I'm best able to maintain friendships with are a couple of ladies that I formerly had a sexual relationship and later broke it off. Over time, you do remember the good times and friendship and can keep it from getting back to sexual....then you have a chance for platonic frienship. At least, that's been my experience.
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