I am in a relationship with a Distants...now what? (friend, definition)

[criminaljusticegrad]

Distants have difficulty with issues of personal trust and certainty. Developmentally, distants are at an earlier stage of emotional development than others. ---patterns emerge early in life, generally within their first few years. They usually have had a disruption is appropriate early nurturing. Distants usually have experienced loss circumstances such as loss of a parent, frequent moves, traumatic illness, loss of a close friend or cherished pet. They fail to establish mutual trust in building lasting relationships. They are often preoccupied with, yet frightened of, situations that entail trust. Uncertainty for them is especially difficult. Broken trust is the key factor for ---. Having had their trust broken they experienced traumatic emotional pain. Distants do not want to be hurt again, so they avoid closeness, making themselves emotionally unavailable. They withdraw from emotional contact and "distance" themselves from others on an emotional level.

To protect themselves from the uncertainties of human relationships, Distants may focus on solitary pursuits, withdrawing from the social mainstream. Doing this diminishes the possibility of rejection and allows them to more closely control and predict their environment. Changes in their closely controlled environment are often seen as a threat. Their solitary activities define consistent boundaries for them in which they can experience a consistent identity. Because of this Distants often avoid relationships or limit them to a superficial level. This is a protective strategy to avoid being emotionally hurt.

Distant discussions tend to be analytical and abstract. Actually, Distants are lonely, distrustful, and have a intense fear of personal abandonment. Because they are emotionally immature, their relationships and interactions often focus heavily on their own needs rather than mutual needs. They have low frustration tolerance, often acting impulsively, erratically, and without appropriate regard for consequences. Often reacting immaturely, Distants fail to express themselves in productive ways. They seek immediate gratification and do not generally understand the concept of sacrificing now in order to meet later goals. The attitudes of Distants often lead to social isolation, school problems, premature job transitions and short-term, superficial, relationships. Distants are often unduly influenced by others, even thought they are not in the social mainstream. It is as if they are on the "outside," but trying, unsuccessfully, to imitate those on the "inside." Substance abuse, as an attempt at self-medicating their inner turmoil, may be their eventual response to their unhappiness.

Ending the relationship. What would you do????

[Betsy84]

This post would be more meaningful if you framed it in your own word with real life examples, rather than using a textbook definition.