Advice on meeting up with the ex.... (man, children, call)
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LONG story short, he broke it off with me about 3 weeks ago after a 5 year relationship because his feelings had changed, and said he didn't think we would be happy together 5-10 years down the road. We have had several conversations with one another, all that he has started, and have been very friendly and respectful towards one another. He seems to be finding excuses to call me (some of the calls were to ask a simple question, whereas he could have very easily just texted me), and it happened again yesterday. He called to ask if it was okay that he stop by the apartment to pick up a few more things. I said of course that's fine, I'm not there anyway. So he again started chit chatting away, giving me updates on his dad blah blah blah. So again, we were chatting away on the phone for a good 10 minutes, light friendly talk. Then, I had to ask. I needed to know what our boundaries were, as in: when should we attempt to pursue some sort of friendship? Because at the moment, I was feeling great and totally over it all (even though I know I'm still riding the roller coaster). He said we have to wait until a time where we think we can hang out with one another and not feel a pressure or awkwardness about asking questions about the breakup/possibilities of reconciliation etc. I told him that a part of me right now feels that way (again, will probably fade in a day or two). He said he definitely didn't feel ready for that yet. So, I started asking more questions....do you still feel like this all feels right.....have you had any second thoughts.......do you still feel like your decision was final. And he answered all of my questions with the same answers as before: right now yes, he feels he is where he needs to be and that this is the best decision for the both of us. As for finality? Right now how he feels is yes, this is final. As for the future.....who knows, but I am not waiting around and already had told him that (he said he didn't want me to anyway).
So it definitely seems clear he's made up his mind. Will it change somewhere down the road? I think it will, but again, not waiting around. We agreed to meet up on the last saturday of the month for lunch, just something light and casual, just to see how we interact with one another face to face to see how close we are to being able to actually hang out with one another as friends. I suspect it will go smoothly, every phone conversation has been lighthearted and friendly. But last night I was talking to friends about this, and started having seconds thoughts as to whether or not this meeting is a good idea. I DO want to see him, but at the same time, have we given eachother enough time apart? Probably not. Has anyone ever met up with an ex for similar reasons so soon after a breakup? Again, it's not really to talk about the BU/possibility of getting back together kind of stuff, but just to see how comfortable we are hanging out. I think I'm going to sit on it for a few weeks, and then decide if I still feel that it's a good idea or not. Thoughts?
What's the point? Unless you have children together or a business interest, there's no reason to meet up with a man that told you he's made his decision and it's final.
I don't know. I think we just want to test the waters and figure out what boundaries need to be laid. We really have been friendly with one another, maybe he wants to see me? I still haven't decided if I'm going to go through with it
But we want to be friends in the future. We don't want to completely lose one another. I'm absolutely not putting my life on hold for him, but we really do want to be able to stay connected in some way once we're healed
He dumped you after 5 years of being together and you want to just "hang out" with him? I think you're hoping all this light and casual will make him come back to you. Walk away, you don't need to be friends with your ex, not until many years have passed and the hurt has faded. He's made his decision, move on with your life.
But we want to be friends in the future. We don't want to completely lose one another. I'm absolutely not putting my life on hold for him, but we really do want to be able to stay connected in some way once we're healed
Friends? Why? He said he saw nothing for the two of you down the road. Sounds like you are hoping he will change his mind. Then you may waste another five years. But if that's what you want, fine. Just accept the possible consequences
But we want to be friends in the future. We don't want to completely lose one another. I'm absolutely not putting my life on hold for him, but we really do want to be able to stay connected in some way once we're healed
Sounds like you already have your mind made up, unfortunately.
However, it's a bad idea. Can't you find someone else to be your friend?
Don't do it. Move on. He made his choice. There is no need at all to be be in contact with him. No need to be friends or anything.
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