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Some women like to be physically and/or mentally abused. According to them, abuse = LOVE. Just look at JenniWoww and Roger on Jersey Shore. He has punched her, broke her foot, and cussed her out any chance he has, yet, she begs for his marriage proposal. I think it comes from a dysfunctional childhood.
Are you serious? I thought Roger seemed like a decent guy. I don't really follow the gossip outside the show though.
Are you serious? I thought Roger seemed like a decent guy. I don't really follow the gossip outside the show though.
Yes the gang had a fight at club BAMBOO. Jenni kept coming at Roger to break it up and BAM, he hit her and she fell and sprained/broke her foot. You should watch some of last season's reruns. Then she chased after him, saying how much she loved him. But he just cussed her out and dumped her for a few weeks.
It's called the cycle of abuse. It's horrible and sad. It's also sad being the "rescuer" who is waiting in the wings hoping she'll leave him for you, so I would suggest stopping that. That is what you're doing, right? You're trying to change her like she's trying to change him. Neither is likely to happen until the person is ready to change. If and when she does leave him, she's not likely to end up with you, because you're not the type of guy she's into.
Why would you think anyone would ask you to stop being nice? That's silly. You should stop being a "rescuer," though, if you want to have healthy relationships, or you're in for a lifetime of disappointment.
We could have guessed that.
No, that's not why. Just "being nice" doesn't entitle you to have a girlfriend, though.
It's sounds like you were creeping her out, not just "being nice."
Thats also a problem some girls will assume you're a creep, just because a guy is nice. I was raised in a family with nice people. I don't understand why being nice would creep a girl out, that is just silly, and not fair for a "guy in general." The minute they see a guy is nice they usually have 5 words in mine, which is: " He wants to date me." Which thats so not true, because there are still some guys out there that rather wants to be a friend, then a boyfriend to that girl. She knew I was nice, I knew she had a boyfriend, but she still sent me to security. However, I still was friends with her for a little while longer till she stopped going to the church. She told me the church was too big thats why she left. However, I wish things weren't so complicated these days. <<<<<,, Off topic.
Last edited by hellomikie92; 01-19-2013 at 05:58 AM..
I understand your frustration. But, it is unfair to generalize Christian girls. I grew up in church and found myself in an abusive relationship. It didn't take him but a few weeks to show his true colors and I left him. I have more self respect than that! Most girls don't know they deserve better especially if this is their first real relationship. For some, the good outweighs the bad in their eyes. Also, they are so manipulated into thinking that this is love that they don't think they could ever "love" another guy. Blah Blah Blah.
Basically, a girl won't walk away until she has had enough of the abuse/cheating. Unfortunately, it takes a while for some girls to wake up and realize, "AW HALE NO!" and leave.
I wasn't trying to generalize Christian girls. I'm just saying that I was shocked to see stuff like that happen in a church. Before my experience's I never thought it would happen in any church, but I proved myself wrong. Sorry for you thinking that. Didn't mean to sound so bare.
If someone tells you "your no good" long enough, you start to believe it. In other words, most girls who date abusive guys have been abused as a child. They do not possess confidence, nor to they believe they deserve any better...and one more thing...
if a person has been abused as a child, if something good comes along, they are uncomfortable with it, b/c they don't know it, and how can you miss something you've never known?
Some women like to be physically and/or mentally abused. According to them, abuse = LOVE. Just look at JenniWoww and Roger on Jersey Shore. He has punched her, broke her foot, and cussed her out any chance he has, yet, she begs for his marriage proposal. I think it comes from a dysfunctional childhood.
I kinda don't watch reality TV. lol However, that is terrible! I think you might be right. Sounds like a good portion of females has that type of childhood am I right?
I mean I am 21 years old, and a lot of females my age has problems with a lot of guys. They will stay with him no matter how many times, he has hit her, or he has cheated on her. A lot of times these guys says this. " I am sorry sweety I will never do it again! 2 hours later she catches him with another woman. I mean come on He probably has cheated on you 30 times within the last few days! Thats what a lot of girls my generation and below doesn't get! Below as in 16-20. I mean they always say Oh he will protect me, and I want a challenge, and I can change him! A challenge? They got one! Changing him!? That rarely happens if it does. Protect me? Sure, then that guy will beat on her later on. If not maybe close to one? But she will probably get a yelling. Instead of saying " It's okay hun he won't harm you anymore. If you think about it, more and more females today are being mistreated by their boyfriends, or husbands since the caveman ages. I don't know if its because he tricked her into thinking he is a nice guy, or she just dislikes nice guys.
Its like this in a lot of Christian girls too. I have met many Christian girls that has, or had abusive boyfriends. The church I go too now, I'm not sure. They seem to have never dated at all, but I can't just assume because they go to a church. I mean shouldn't I have no problem getting a girl I me come on.
Before you guys go asking me, I will not stop being a nice guy. I will never hit a woman, or cheat on a woman, and I will protect her if I ever date a girl. Yes I have never dated a girl in my life probably because of me being a nice guy. I read on a lot of articles They will get pushed into the friends zone, which is soo true. Its happened to me many times. So Yeah I will not stop being a nice guy, even if it gets me nowhere in life. I am soo serious, but I still never had any luck with a girl. I have my pretty eyes, my pretty smile, and the rest of my looks, but I always get shoved into the friend zone. It has happened to me since 6th grade. Heck a few times I was being nice to a girl at a church, and she reported me to church authorities. I just wanted to be friends, but it seems like she assumed I wanted to date her, no I wanted to be friends.
I have known this girl for a while I used to hang out with her, and her boyfriend, and she told on me to a church security guard, because I was trying to be nice, by asking her whats wrong. Some of these girls even at church's takes it the wrong way. I I knew she had a boyfriend, I would never try to date a girl with a boyfriend because that is just wrong, but she didn't know that. And at another church, I was going to the same location as this other girl and she thought I was stalking her, even though I had bible study in the same room. I do not know whats up with females these days. The above happened to me 1-4 years ago.
There's a lot to unpack here, so let me just make a couple of points:
1) States with the largest numbers of self-identified "strong Christians" (e.g. Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee) have among the highest rates of domestic violence, teenage pregnancy, divorce, and STD transmission. More liberal, secular states tend to have lower rates of all of the above. This doesn't mean that Christians are more prone to these problems than non-Christians. But it does suggest being Christian doesn't make much difference in people's actual behavior.
2) A lot of women who reject "nice" guys do so for a very good reason. They sense, often accurately, that many "nice" guys are just passive-aggressive types who secretly feel their niceness entitles them to get women. It doesn't.
3) Men, especially younger men, almost never go out of their way to befriend women unless they have a romantic and/or sexual motive. Almost never. Women are justified in being cautious about men who seem overly friendly.
4) The image of the swaggering, macho jerk is a powerful image of what it means to be a "real man" in our culture. It is not the only image of masculinity out there, but it is probably the most dominant one. That means that a lot of women are going to respond to men who act this way. Even if women don't always like this behavior, it is still burned into their minds that this is the way "real men' are supposed to be.
5) Men are at least as bad as women in this regard, and often much worse. Generally speaking, do men chase after the nicest, sweetest, smartest, funniest, most supportive women they know? No, they don't. They often ignore these women, and instead chase after the leggy "bad girls" with the giant breast.
Thats also a problem some girls will assume you're a creep, just because a guy is nice.
I think it's probably more common that some guys will assume they're nice just because they're creepy.
Or, as RogersParkGuy more eloquently put it:
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy
2) A lot of women who reject "nice" guys do so for a very good reason. They sense, often accurately, that many "nice" guys are just passive-aggressive types who secretly feel their niceness entitles them to get women. It doesn't.
9 out of 10 cases of domestic abuse result in the abused party even with intervention returning to the abuser.
to answer your question, the change happens when the woman sees that they dont have a thug problem but that they have an attraction problem. women are programmed from childhood to be attracted to this type of man and behavior. counseling and 12 step can turn it around.
Are you serious? I thought Roger seemed like a decent guy. I don't really follow the gossip outside the show though.
"Decent guy" and "Jersey Shore"?!? Am I missing sarcasm here?
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