Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Men in this situation are essentially psychologically neutered.
Oh good grief, how ridiculously dramatic and pathetic. Grow a pair.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calicali01
As far as what's in bold, you're wrong because I have seen men who were shy and timid around women travel to another part of the world were the women were more open and friendly and have great success with foreign women. Guys who go to Brazil/Thailand, and other places, come back with increased confidence simply because for the first time in their lives they were treated more humanly and respected a men.
Nonsense. Most non Westernised countries are machismo and treat women like chattels and second rate citizens. It has nothing to do with women treating men more nicely at all, it has to do with a culture of non equality.
Just more excuses by you to bash Western women as per usual.
(Referring to bolded portion above.) I wholeheartedly agree. Part of the problem compounding the less-confident man is, no matter how good he might be as far as other attributes, his lack of confidence itself can be an unbridgeable deal-breaker, for the ladies. What is it that a shy or less-confident guy needs, emotionally, much like all other people? Love and acceptance -- that is why, when I wrote my original post, my thoughts were that a woman who is loving and affectionate, patient and caring, and gentle with him, could bring out the very best, in such a man. By knowing that he is loved, accepted, and cherished by her, he could gain the confidence, that he was lacking earlier. He would know that he is loved -- hence, if he was haunted in the past of feelings of being unlovable or that no one cared about him, these feelings would then be successfully eliminated. That is really what I meant, when I had referred to a permanent gaining of confidence -- by experiencing the genuine love of a kind woman, a man would know that he is *not*, in fact, unlovable, and never was.
I've been on both sides of the fence- dated: 1.) the reformed bad boy turned into good guy and 2.)the unconfident nice turned bad boy.
Shy guys I have no problem with. In fact, I rather prefer a shy guy over an overlyconfident pretend-to-be macho man.
What looks good on the exterior isn't always quite so.
Sometimes, the hardest shell to crack is the softest inside. Same goes with shy guys who feel a lack of confidence to approach women. When you get them to ease up, they have other attributes that I note and can be quite a surprise!
No one's perfect. We're not all always one way or the other. We all have our ups/downs. Depends on situational factors that bring out the most of our potentials.
If people judge one another superficially, maybe that's what they deserve- a superficial relationship.
People are much more complex. A person who's willing to see your viewpoint and to understand you and then decide afterwards if you two have chemistry is more likely to align with who you are inside because they dig deeper. Anyone worth your time will be someone who isn't quick to judge you and demonize you for whatever reason. Happy relationships based on friendships require more insight than just your typical surface level interaction.
Women are not responsible for men's behavior or self-esteem, simply because no adult is responsible for another adult's behavior or self-esteem.
And only an idiot or a potential abuser, male or female, dates someone with the intent to change him or her. Smart, ethical people take their partners as they are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dr74
This may sound harsh to you but I assure you that it is not.
When I think of settling down with someone? The last thing I want is to be coddling, validating a man constantly in order to feed his ego and get him to come out of his shell and be confident..that is too much work and I have not come this far in life to fall back in a role like this.
I feel it is up to every individual to work on themselves and be comfortable in their own strengths, abilities and what they have to offer another person.
Most of the men I know who are in relationships constantly look for ways boost the self esteem of the women they're dating. The men do it because they genuinely care.
I have never heard a successful man say, (**arrogant voice tone**) "I'm a millionaire and I have worked too hard in life to play the role of emotionally supporting a woman!"
Most of the men I know who are in relationships constantly look for ways boost the self esteem of the women they're dating. The men do it because they genuinely care.
I have never heard a successful man say, (**arrogant voice tone**) "I'm a millionaire and I have worked too hard in life to play the role of emotionally supporting a woman!"
There's a huge difference between being a loving and supportive partner and being someone's emotional crutch.
Oh good grief, how ridiculously dramatic and pathetic. Grow a pair.
See, look at you. Not only are you hostile and mean spirited, but you're also immature because you can't even discuss an issue without getting offended.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna
Nonsense. Most non Westernised countries are machismo and treat women like chattels and second rate citizens. It has nothing to do with women treating men more nicely at all, it has to do with a culture of non equality.
Just more excuses by you to bash Western women as per usual.
Bash? No, all I did was voice my opinion on the differences in women based on geography. However, I know it's upsetting to you that men don't have to stay here and put up with abuse from women like you.
My question or comment actually is why would a guy have to be cured of this? Or anyone?
I am an introvert. I don't need to be cured, & neither do you, Knight.
You gotta learn to accept it; I wouldn't want to be like the extroverts I see.
I am sorry my friend; perhaps that was a poor choice of words, on my part. I never meant to imply that introversion was a bad thing (in fact, I think it is a good thing! ). When I had referred to "curing shyness", I had really meant shyness in the sense of non-confidence romantically. In my post, I had not intended to equate shyness with introversion.
That speaks about your own lack of self-confidence. Nothing wrong with being attracted to confidence, it might not be your choice or whatever, but by saying you need him to take care of you, be your protector or give you direction, it shows that you aren't developing your own confidence, your own self-reliance etc. What would you think of a guy who said he found submissive, obedient women he could take charge of attractive?
Well those guys are often the same traditional bad boys who just brim with confidence. Those who believe strongly in gender roles tend hold these views, and it goes both ways.
I can understand women who are turned off by a lack of confidence, but I sure wouldn't be attracted to a woman who felt a need for it because she's helpless or just falls to pieces when anything goes wrong.
Confidence and self-reliance - but not to the point of cockiness - should be seen as an attractive trait in both genders.
I do have confidence and am most definitely independent and not the least submissive. Being with a man who has the qualities attributed above (competence, confidence, ability to lead and protect) is almost universally attractive to women, and it's based on biology. Cocky is not confident.
My question or comment actually is why would a guy have to be cured of this? Or anyone?
I am an introvert. I don't need to be cured, & neither do you, Knight.
You gotta learn to accept it; I wouldn't want to be like the extroverts I see.
That's the reason I'm in the career I'm in actually. I prefer one on one interactions. I am not a crowd lover or a people pleaser...... Never have been & never will be.
The only difference between introverts and extroverts, is how they recharge their batteries. Introverts do so by being alone, while extroverts do the same by being around others. According to Carl Jung, we are born either introverts or extroverts, and while early on we tend to find ourselves at extreme ends of the spectrum, throughout our lives and as we get older, all of us alike, introverts as well as extroverts end up very close to the middle of said spectrum. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert, in fact it is something one should cherish.
See, look at you. Not only are you hostile and mean spirited, but you're also immature because you can't even discuss an issue without getting offended.
Bash? No, all I did was voice my opinion on the differences in women based on geography. However, I know it's upsetting to you that men don't have to stay here and put up with abuse from women like you.
Actually I'm thankful you and your ilk like foreign women, saves us from putting up with your nonsense. I wasn't being any more hostile to your whining than I usually am, so I don't know who peed in your cornies this morning.
There's a huge difference between being a loving and supportive partner and being someone's emotional crutch.
I agree that is never emotionally healthy, to have to look upon someone as an emotional crutch. At the same time though: in MHO, once a non-confident shy guy knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that a woman truly and genuinely does love him...why would he need to continue to look upon her, as a crutch? He has her love, her affection, her heart...there is no longer a need for him to feel unconfident, b/c her TLC can help restore a sense of balance of confidence in him, where it may have lacking before. Even if she and he decide to end their hypothetical relationship (i.e., in this theoretical example), it doesn't change the fact the for the relationship's duration, he knew and experienced what it was like, to be truly loved, treasured, and valued. He can carry it with him (the confidence that was gained) into future potential relationships.
I guess put more simply, my point boils down to this: a real, genuine love for someone can *create* (and improve on) a more lasting, permanent confidence. When you know that someone loves you, doesn't that naturally make you feel more confident?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
). When I had referred to "curing shyness", I had really meant shyness in the sense of non-confidence romantically. In my post, I had not intended to equate shyness with introversion.
