A paradox, regarding gender relations in relationships? (dating, marrying, women)
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Most individuals seem to accept as a given and an obvious truth that a vast majority of women tend to be romantically-attracted to confident, self-assured, assertive men, and that the opposite of these kinds of men on the emotional spectrum (i.e., men who tend to be less confident, more timid, or more shy) frequently tend to be seen as nearly-universally unattractive.
While this would seem to reflect the actual reality of attraction for most opposite-gender couples, I think that perhaps this built-in, intrinsic assumption of the nature of how human romantic relationships are formed misses one very important point. That is, the ability of a woman in an opposite gender relationship to positively influence or reshape a man's inner feelings of worth and/or importance and value, to her. For example, one might make the hypothetical case that for a man who is shyer, less assertive, or more timid in his romantic interactions, a woman who is more nurturing, more sensitive, more lenient, and less likely to judge him critically based on his less-assertive temperament alone, can greatly encourage the lessening of those feelings, in him. Or in other words, put more simply: that a woman can potentially *create* greater feelings of confidence, assertiveness, and boldness in a man, just by giving him the chance of a prospective positive, caring relationship with him...that in essence, under the right situational circumstances, women can basically "cure" male shyness...
If the hypothesis or conjecture presented above has any validity, it would seem to play into a greater paradox, regarding mainstream rules of engagement, for relationships. Women are usually very "attracted" to confidence, and seek it a desirable quality in a romantic partner. And as we have cited earlier above, they are *not* usually attracted to the lack of confidence, in a male romantic interest. And yet...if they have ability to create or enhance confidence in a man to a degree or level that they would find romantically acceptable, de novo, why do they almost never tend to exercise this option, in practice? I sincerely find this to be puzzling, since we frequently hear about the stereotypical "bad boy" that a woman hopes that she can change or reform, to suit her needs romantically. Yet, we never hear of similar situations, in which a woman has potentially taken a man that she finds attractive in all ways, save only his personal level of confidence, and changed him in a positive manner to meet her needs emotionally, in that regard (i.e., similar to what she would have done anyway with trying to reform or tame the stereotypical "bad boy")?
I honestly believe that women have the power to do this, also assuming of course that are mutually willing and they want to...why do you think they don't exercise it, more often? Thoughts?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 01-19-2013 at 11:37 PM..
Reason: Adds / Corrections
I'm not sure I understand your point about curing male shyness. A woman being accepting of a shy guy makes it easier for him to interact with her, but it doesn't necessarily translate to how he interacts with the rest of the world.
As far as what women are attracted to, that varies from woman to woman. Quieter guys are in relationships.
The attractiveness of bad boys, as mentioned in your post, is a bit overhyped in this forum I think.
Thanks for your thoughts and comments. I guess I was mainly trying to point out or suggest that if a woman is attracted to everything about a guy except just his level of confidence (if she is finding it to be lacking), she might want to reconsider, before eliminating him as a romantic prospect. Why reconsider? Because she has the power and the capability, to potentially nurture and bring forth more confidence in him, through her positive romantic interaction with him. Hence, bringing about the "curing" of his earlier lack of confidence, and/or his shyness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betsy84
I'm not sure I understand your point about curing male shyness. A woman being accepting of a shy guy makes it easier for him to interact with her, but it doesn't necessarily translate to how he interacts with the rest of the world.
As far as what women are attracted to, that varies from woman to woman. Quieter guys are in relationships.
The attractiveness of bad boys, as mentioned in your post, is a bit overhyped in this forum I think.
Thanks for your thoughts and comments. I guess I was mainly trying to point out or suggest that if a woman is attracted to everything about a guy except just his level of confidence (if she is finding it to be lacking), she might want to reconsider, before eliminating him as a romantic prospect. Why reconsider? Because she has the power and the capability, to potentially nurture and bring forth more confidence in him, through her positive romantic interaction with him. Hence, bringing about the "curing" of his earlier lack of confidence, and/or his shyness.
You don't really say how you define confidence, but different people perceive it different ways. Someone who does a lot of chest puffing might be perceived as attractive to one, but not to another.
Just merely meeting someone you really can't know that they are shy either. They just might be reserved and quiet, not necessarily the same as shy, not sure if this makes sense. I think quieter people are often misunderstood. That being said, if you are quiet, it isn't necessarily someone else's job to bring you out of your shell, whether you are male or female.
I don't know about other women, but I don't want a "project" and I don't want to find a man that is "almost" perfect for me, and then hope that he will change into the perfect partner because I like him.
Part of the attraction is the fact that he IS confident. It's hard to manufacture attraction. It is either there or not.
I will not even state “In a perfect world” nor
Perfect in theory”.
Confidence not to be confused with cockiness is attractive due to the person having a in tact ego, not super inflated nor sorely lacking but just right,
As well as natural assurance..How can this not be attractive..
There is no need for constant “nurturing” which in fact is constant validation and this can be cumbersome and taxing on a person.
Shyness can be attractive in the sense that the other person has the other attributes in place just lacks the gusto to approach at times unless they are rely motivated to get to know another person..This can be flattering that one can be a motivator..
However there should be no need for “nurturing” one is not marrying their mother or a co-dependant individual out to set this person right or “fix” them.
This is not balanced and because one person is setting forth exerting so much effort to bring this person out of their shell and boost their confidence? What is this person gaining in return? The mere satisfaction that they “did this”?
There always needs to be balance in a relationship even from the beginning, there does not need to be coddling, nurturing, we are adults are we not?
This may sound harsh to you but I assure you that it is not.
When I think of settling down with someone? The last thing I want is to be coddling, validating a man constantly in order to feed his ego and get him to come out of his shell and be confident..that is too much work and I have not come this far in life to fall back in a role like this.
I feel it is up to every individual to work on themselves and be comfortable in their own strengths, abilities and what they have to offer another person.
A relationship that is unbalanced to me? Makes me feel odd and in control of making all decisions and this is not the natural order of things, a relationship consists of 2 people that are fit for one another and can move forth together not one leading and one behind…
You don't really say how you define confidence, but different people perceive it different ways. Someone who does a lot of chest puffing might be perceived as attractive to one, but not to another.
Just merely meeting someone you really can't know that they are shy either. They just might be reserved and quiet, not necessarily the same as shy, not sure if this makes sense. I think quieter people are often misunderstood. That being said, if you are quiet, it isn't necessarily someone else's job to bring you out of your shell, whether you are male or female.
By lack of confidence, I largely meant expressed personality characteristics such as male timidity, excessive meekness, bashfulness, feelings of nervousness or shyness, etc., but especially with regard to female romantic interests.
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