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I’ve never heard anyone say they can’t put any finger on their attraction to someone it’s strictly some sort of spark or jolt they can’t explain lol..
If you're expecting love and sex and attraction to be entirely quantifiable, that might explain the problem you have making romantic connections. Like Sonic said earlier, people don't make a spreadsheet about what draws them to other people. It's a gut feeling. It's not that different than trying to explain what's funny or why something is your favorite food. Your description might dance around and hint the actual feeling, but it's something you just know and sense and feel.
Just to provide my update. I’m not a nice guy, I’m an a-hole and proud of it. I think being your true honest self leaves you better off than pretending to be a nice guy if that ain’t what you truly about. Think women respect honest guys who make no secret that they are rough around the edges more than a nice guy who is putting on an act and thinks he is fooling people.
For me...
I'm not a nice guy. I'm polite, reasonable, could be an a-hole when I need to be. And am not proud of it when I am. Nice, jerk, better to be your true self no matter what your personality is...as long as you live and let live...
Do you feel falling in love is quantifiable as well? Have you ever fallen in love within a romantic relationship? What items on the list of tangible attributes caused the falling in love?
To me it was just wanting to be around that person but there were reasons why I wanted to be around them..Like the fact that you can talk to that person for hours bonded with them showed affection to each other etc it wasn’t this unexplainable thing
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
To me it was just wanting to be around that person but there were reasons why I wanted to be around them..Like the fact that you can talk to that person for hours bonded with them showed affection to each other etc it wasn’t this unexplainable thing
So if you can talk to someone for hours and show affection to them, you will fall in love?
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
If you're expecting love and sex and attraction to be entirely quantifiable, that might explain the problem you have making romantic connections. Like Sonic said earlier, people don't make a spreadsheet about what draws them to other people. It's a gut feeling. It's not that different than trying to explain what's funny or why something is your favorite food. Your description might dance around and hint the actual feeling, but it's something you just know and sense and feel.
Yup. If someone asks me why I am attracted to them, I can tell them reasons... but those are attributes I like about them. It's not the real 'reason' I feel chemistry with them, or am attracted to them. Those aren't quantifiable.
If you're expecting love and sex and attraction to be entirely quantifiable, that might explain the problem you have making romantic connections. Like Sonic said earlier, people don't make a spreadsheet about what draws them to other people. It's a gut feeling. It's not that different than trying to explain what's funny or why something is your favorite food. Your description might dance around and hint the actual feeling, but it's something you just know and sense and feel.
Of course it not a spreadsheet but it’s also not totally unexplainable..
Like you have no reason or something to point to or explain why you love them..Like they have no personality traits you admire or never were there for you or cared for you it’s simply this unexplainable things lol.
Of course there’s tangible traits you love about them and can explain part of the love is my point otherwise you could fall in love with a mass murderer because it’s simply a feeling baes on nothing u can explain lol
To me it was just wanting to be around that person but there were reasons why I wanted to be around them..Like the fact that you can talk to that person for hours bonded with them showed affection to each other etc it wasn’t this unexplainable thing
JBT, this is how I feel about my children and my sister.
And it's probably never actually explainable. We think of it that way because it's more or less impossible to bring all the many subconscious factors into the forefront of our beta-wave (fully awake/conscious/directed) thinking at the same time. We'd likely explode.
So you probably will never be able to "explain" it all consciously as one neat little package. But yes, that combination of factors we can't quite consciously identify DO have to be there. That's natural.
So if you can talk to someone for hours and show affection to them, you will fall in love?
Yup. If someone asks me why I am attracted to them, I can tell them reasons... but those are attributes I like about them. It's not the real 'reason' I feel chemistry with them, or am attracted to them. Those aren't quantifiable.
No but those have to be there..I don’t know why those bonding reasons I listed to you are such a goofy reason to be in love but you’re unquantifiable reasons by some signal in your brains or pheromones that makes you attatched to someone is much better.
To me it was just wanting to be around that person but there were reasons why I wanted to be around them..Like the fact that you can talk to that person for hours bonded with them showed affection to each other etc it wasn’t this unexplainable thing
I'm not doubting your word but this, too, can be a story we tell ourselves.
I've seen people say the above - "Oh, I can talk to her for hours, etc." - putting that down to why they want to be romantic with the woman and feel "a connection," yet they can talk for hours and be fully understood by a not quite as pretty woman, or a woman who's not very young, or whomever, and they don't feel a romantic connection.
It IS more than just the logical factors (at least, it's more than the story you're telling yourself as far as the logic behind the attraction).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,957,550 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBT1980
No but those have to be there..I don’t know why those reasons I listed to you are such a goofy reason to be in love but you’re unquantifiable reasons by some signal in your brains or pheromones is much better.
The point is, people do not CHOOSE to fall in love. It too is not quantifiable.
We can't fall in love on demand, and it isn't in our control.
You can meet someone who you get along with, have shared goals, great communication, talk for hours... or not talk for hours, find them physically attractive and even have good sex... and not fall in love with them.
You can meet someone with little of the above and fall madly in love with them.
Love and chemistry aren't equations or results from specific inputs.
I'm not doubting your word but this, too, can be a story we tell ourselves.
I've seen people say the above - "Oh, I can talk to her for hours, etc." - putting that down to why they want to be romantic with the woman and feel "a connection," yet they can talk for hours and be fully understood by a not quite as pretty woman, or a woman who's not very young, or whomever, and they don't feel a romantic connection.
I).
Well that’s why I’m saying it’s tangible..the physical mental and emotional have to be there..If i I had a bond with a women I found unattractive then it’s just a friend..same with if it was just physical attraction and nothing else.
If one is missing most people aren’t gonna have that “spark” that is supposedly the magic to attraction..
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