Did her bf rape her? (girl, feelings, acquaintance, relations)
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I can't believe I'm parsing it to this degree, but how long did he keep going? Two seconds? Ten minutes?
She told me that she kept screaming for him to stop, but he kept on for close to 5 minutes. I believe her because she's changed a lot in such a short time. She rarely goes out after work, she also stopped wearing makeup and she rarely smiles at all.
I met the guy at a party before the incident occurred. He seemed so polite and well spoken. Not to mention, he's tall and very handsome, with very striking hazel eyes.
I would have never imagined that he was like that.
It's not that "everyone else considers this rape." It's that it is rape. Period. I'm sorry to come off as pompous, but I was more than a little shocked and appalled that somebody could possibly say it isn't rape when she says no and the guy doesn't stop. If it was a subject less serious than rape I'd say that I should have tempered my reaction a bit, but I'm not going to say that here.
Were you there? Part of me wonders if the friend is actually the OP, but I think this situation is more complex than the "no means no" standard. It seems like this could have been a sexual game between the two but there were no clear boundaries and no safe words to distinguish between real and fantasy. But, I wasn't there and I only have as much information as everyone else.
Has the friend been in counseling? Has she talked to a professional about her feelings?
Were you there? Part of me wonders if the friend is actually the OP, but I think this situation is more complex than the "no means no" standard. It seems like this could have been a sexual game between the two but there were no clear boundaries and no safe words to distinguish between real and fantasy. But, I wasn't there and I only have as much information as everyone else.
Has the friend been in counseling? Has she talked to a professional about her feelings?
I thought the same thing when I read then description, a lot of passion for a second hand story.
She told me that she kept screaming for him to stop, but he kept on for close to 5 minutes. I believe her because she's changed a lot in such a short time. She rarely goes out after work, she also stopped wearing makeup and she rarely smiles at all.
I met the guy at a party before the incident occurred. He seemed so polite and well spoken. Not to mention, he's tall and very handsome, with very striking hazel eyes.
I would have never imagined that he was like that.
Thank you for providing more context. Has your friend talked to a counselor?
She told me that she kept screaming for him to stop, but he kept on for close to 5 minutes. I believe her because she's changed a lot in such a short time. She rarely goes out after work, she also stopped wearing makeup and she rarely smiles at all.
I met the guy at a party before the incident occurred. He seemed so polite and well spoken. Not to mention, he's tall and very handsome, with very striking hazel eyes.
I would have never imagined that he was like that.
In that case, then he's just a slimy bastard. But my wife volunteers for groups that help victims of these kinds of crimes. Unless they are reported right then and there with physical evidence, they are extraordinarily hard to prosecute. However, I think your friend definitely needs some kind of counseling. And, to be honest, I think word needs to spread about the guy in question. Let loose the information that this guy enjoys date rape and he'll begin to feel consequences for his actions.
To clarify: The situation as described by the OP is rape. I assumed it was understood that none of us were there, and we were operating with the information presented by the OP. Sorry, I didn't realize that part needed to be spelled out.
Rapists tend to be. Many of them don't even believe that they're rapists, which is why I have such a strong reaction to men who don't know the basic definition of rape, and people who blame the victim rather than the perpetrator. It's frustrating, for sure.
The counselor question is a good one. A qualified counselor can determine if there's evidence of PTSD. If there is PTSD, then, obviously, there has to be a cause. Presence of PTSD could be considered to be a type of evidence. PTSD can't be faked. It sounds like the woman in question is exhibiting signs of trauma. If she has a counselor to testify for her, it could help. She should see a counselor anyway, for her own mental health, (and do so before she files any charges), and also consult with an attorney.
She told me that she kept screaming for him to stop, but he kept on for close to 5 minutes. I believe her because she's changed a lot in such a short time. She rarely goes out after work, she also stopped wearing makeup and she rarely smiles at all.
I met the guy at a party before the incident occurred. He seemed so polite and well spoken. Not to mention, he's tall and very handsome, with very striking hazel eyes.
I would have never imagined that he was like that.
He should have stopped, but she should have not let herself get into a situation where this could have happened.
Females need to be more vigilant about not letting themselves end up in precarious situations.
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