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I'm 2 months into a relationship with a woman I met online (she's 33, I'm 31) and everything has been going great. We get along really really well, our sex life is awesome, she lives only a couple miles from me so I spend almost every night at her place, and I've never laughed so hard in my life with someone.
She recently has been getting paranoid that things are going to end with us. Just recently we had a slight argument over nothing (I wouldn't even call it a fight) and she got really upset and shared with me that this is right around the time that her relationships typically have ended and she really likes me and doesn't want that to happen. Things have moved fast and I've been meaning to take some more private time to myself these next couple weeks but I assured her that has nothing to do with how I feel about her and I really like her and that it hasn't even crossed my mind to end our relationship. I see us together for a very long time. I told her all of this.
The other part of this is that my last breakup about 2 years ago was very very hard on me. I dated on and off a little bit but felt very emotionally numb. I wasn't feeling it with anyone and didn't even feel like dating. I met her and I'm happy and I care about her, but I still feel that numb feeling a little bit. Things have moved very fast with us so far and we've talked about the future a little bit (nothing serious) but I don't know if I feel as strongly about her as I have with past girlfriends. I'm wondering if it's because I'm just not as into HER, or if it's because I am the one with the problem connecting and feeling that emotional crazy-in-
love feeling. I like everything about this girl and I've never had a girl treat me so well. I'm super attracted to her physically and to her intelligence, sense of humor, her lifestyle, everything about her is everything you want in a great woman. I just get that feeling still sometimes of carelessness.
What does any of this mean? How can I reassure her I'm not going to drop her? Is my random feelings of emotional numbness something I should be worried about or will it continue to fade with time?
" I spend almost every night at her house". Man it's good to give her some space, give her a chance to miss you. I understand what you saying though.
I hope the both of you really do go to counseling. This is how my ex and I were going in. We had a bad break up. I had an appointment with a therapist about 4 months in and I cancelled it because I wanted to be available for his phone call. That's how attached we were. He grew out of it, didn't want to be in love. And the more he had space, the more I became a clinger. I think of that day and cancelled appointment and I guess it wouldn't have worked anyways because he is perfectly happy with his issues (we both needed help) which I think are getting worse after the break up though I couldn't say because I had to go strict no contact. I've gotten better , much better because of the break up ironically. I love that you are seeking help. I hope she does the same. I think the poster who said show her this thread had the best idea. But counseling for the both of you is a suggestion too. I wouldn't want her to go through what I did, though I can clearly see you are not a douchebag like my ex could be at times.
I'm 2 months into a relationship with a woman I met online (she's 33, I'm 31) and everything has been going great. We get along really really well, our sex life is awesome, she lives only a couple miles from me so I spend almost every night at her place, and I've never laughed so hard in my life with someone.
She recently has been getting paranoid that things are going to end with us. Just recently we had a slight argument over nothing (I wouldn't even call it a fight) and she got really upset and shared with me that this is right around the time that her relationships typically have ended and she really likes me and doesn't want that to happen. Things have moved fast and I've been meaning to take some more private time to myself these next couple weeks but I assured her that has nothing to do with how I feel about her and I really like her and that it hasn't even crossed my mind to end our relationship. I see us together for a very long time. I told her all of this.
The other part of this is that my last breakup about 2 years ago was very very hard on me. I dated on and off a little bit but felt very emotionally numb. I wasn't feeling it with anyone and didn't even feel like dating. I met her and I'm happy and I care about her, but I still feel that numb feeling a little bit. Things have moved very fast with us so far and we've talked about the future a little bit (nothing serious) but I don't know if I feel as strongly about her as I have with past girlfriends. I'm wondering if it's because I'm just not as into HER, or if it's because I am the one with the problem connecting and feeling that emotional crazy-in-love feeling. I like everything about this girl and I've never had a girl treat me so well. I'm super attracted to her physically and to her intelligence, sense of humor, her lifestyle, everything about her is everything you want in a great woman. I just get that feeling still sometimes of carelessness.
What does any of this mean? How can I reassure her I'm not going to drop her? Is my random feelings of emotional numbness something I should be worried about or will it continue to fade with time?
You could very well dump her so I'm not sure that you should try to reassure her.
Directed towards the OP…
I would be very honest with her and state that you have some issues and this is not her fault but something you need to figure out.
State to her that you have been honest with her and will continue to be honest and you will do your best to keep those open lines of communication ongoing with her..
I feel that she needs to be aware that there are never any solid guarantees to anything in life with the exception of dying and she needs to be focused on how the present instead of “what could happen†This to me hinders one from truly enjoying life period.
YOU will never have "Real Love" until you find the truth within your own self of who and what you are and make the necessary changes to evolve and make it happen. I know from personal experience. Love and embrace who or what you are and eventually you will find yourself sharing the same path, as narrow as it might seem now with exactly the right person(s).
I like to stick with this very simple recipe to help eliminate any confusion that might start to rattle off in my head. "What's Good is Good and What's Bad is Bad" Eliminate the bad stuff and good things will start to happen. Goodness brings Happiness and Joy which is all I need in my life!
"The somewhat baffled, but never confused or needy one ~ HTH
One more thing since I feel so obliged to comment here. I was rereading your post Delta-SSiPP and it occurred to me that you sound like your intuition and foresight may be blocked if you are having emotional numbness. I know from personally experience that, emotional insensitivity is very bad for a relationship because it leaves gaps where free-flowing connection should take place. Whether there are glitches or bumps or even black-out periods. There has to be some consistent flow going back and forth or the other person will more than likely continue to be fearful as this is a "red flag". Speaking for you as you are the poster and the other person isn't here to defend them self. I highly suggest you look into the possibility of professional advice or help just to see maybe what the cause may be from or why you continue to have this intermittent numbness. It could be a defense mechanism that keeps you at a distance for your own personal protection so it may not be a bad thing. You never know until you dig deep.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things, so I wish you both luck and lot's of good vibes to bring into the new year!
I'm 2 months into a relationship with a woman I met online (she's 33, I'm 31) and everything has been going great. We get along really really well, our sex life is awesome, she lives only a couple miles from me so I spend almost every night at her place, and I've never laughed so hard in my life with someone.
She recently has been getting paranoid that things are going to end with us. Just recently we had a slight argument over nothing (I wouldn't even call it a fight) and she got really upset and shared with me that this is right around the time that her relationships typically have ended and she really likes me and doesn't want that to happen. Things have moved fast and I've been meaning to take some more private time to myself these next couple weeks but I assured her that has nothing to do with how I feel about her and I really like her and that it hasn't even crossed my mind to end our relationship. I see us together for a very long time. I told her all of this.
The other part of this is that my last breakup about 2 years ago was very very hard on me. I dated on and off a little bit but felt very emotionally numb. I wasn't feeling it with anyone and didn't even feel like dating. I met her and I'm happy and I care about her, but I still feel that numb feeling a little bit. Things have moved very fast with us so far and we've talked about the future a little bit (nothing serious) but I don't know if I feel as strongly about her as I have with past girlfriends. I'm wondering if it's because I'm just not as into HER, or if it's because I am the one with the problem connecting and feeling that emotional crazy-in-love feeling. I like everything about this girl and I've never had a girl treat me so well. I'm super attracted to her physically and to her intelligence, sense of humor, her lifestyle, everything about her is everything you want in a great woman. I just get that feeling still sometimes of carelessness.
What does any of this mean? How can I reassure her I'm not going to drop her? Is my random feelings of emotional numbness something I should be worried about or will it continue to fade with time?
I understand what your saying, i feel the same in the sense of the emotional numbness. Im a little more closed off i can like a guy but i dont get that strong sense of OMG if you know what i mean. I worry sometimes that it wont go away and that i'll always be a little more detached . If i were you i wouldnt break up with the women or even think about it unless you really dont see a future, i think with time the feelings that your missing will be present again given some time.
Also its a bad idea to spend so much time with someone then stop it, of course shes going to worry that your going off her. try to reasure her and maybe send her a little text or something that way she'll know your thinking about her even if your not spending time together....Good Luck
Both of you need to tell yourselves it's going to be okay.
Maybe you are overanalyzing your feelings? If you're still thinking about your emotions now vs. then, you have a little baggage to put away. Dwelling on the past and allowing it to ruin your happiness now is foolish.
Do you need therapy? Since none of us know you, it's hard to tell. Maybe you can try telling yourself the past is past and focus on the here and now.
Same is happening to me,I tell her I love her and she says prove it,I do,I Open and hold the door for her, I tell her she is beautifully and she says stop lieing,but I'm no lieing to her and she thinks I'm gonna break up with her and go out with another girl ,because she's Verry funny, what do I do ,she's the most beautifully,smart,funny,and attractive person I've ever met and I never want to lose her, PLZ help
Things have moved very fast with us so far and we've talked about the future a little bit (nothing serious) but I don't know if I feel as strongly about her as I have with past girlfriends. I'm wondering if it's because I'm just not as into HER, or if it's because I am the one with the problem connecting and feeling that emotional crazy-in-love feeling.
Stop spending nearly every night at her place and slow down. I get the feeling that her relationships all burn out around the 2-month mark because they all go this fast. Talk to her, and find out if that's the case.
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