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well her moving out of state, sicing the lawyer on me 24/7 or keeping 2 or 3 boyfriends around all the time and poisoning the kid against daddy does not help.
wow! so you don't think op has any say so in this weird arrangement?! If op becomes the husband, the ex will just pop up everyday like that?
It's about what is best for the child. I think it's great that they are able to remain civil for the sake of the baby. And I think it's wonderful that the father still sees the baby so often.
I think it shows strength of character in the ex wife that she is able to move past the cheating and keep things on good terms with the ex husband.
My friend who is newly divorced has his child every other week, I think. I think it's pretty much split down the middle.
If she is civil and gets along with the ex, and as long as good boundaries exist for them and they continue to treat each other respectfully, then having him stop by to pick up the child should not be a problem for her.
In most situations, having a relationship with a single parent is going to mean having to conform a little to their child's custody schedule. This also may involve seeing or speaking to the other parent, especially in longer term and very serious relationships.
That said, do not try to get between them either! Let them work out any situations or issues!
If everyone works well together and gets along, this can go very smoothly. Or, there is that other way too.
wow! so you don't think op has any say so in this weird arrangement?! If op becomes the husband, the ex will just pop up everyday like that?
Divorce sucks for everyone involved. The dad is obviously an a-hole for cheating, but it sounds like they're better off apart. If I were the father, I'd want to see my kid as much as possible. And if the mother allowed, and I had the time, I wouldn't care how "uncomfortable" my presence made my ex-wife's boyfriend, I'd want to see my kid.
Maybe that's the best arrangement for their situation. And lucky kid, most of the young divorcees I've known, the father is out of the picture completely or he only sticks around until the kid is a teen.
And maybe it's best that she doesn't jump right into a relationship when she's newly divorced with a young child.
I want to make this short, as I don't probably have the whole story.
I met someone who is trying to start dating again.
She has 19 month old child. The ink just dried on the divorce papers (about 12 year marriage). She is civil with ex, even though he cheated (i'm sure it is for the baby sake)
I dont know custody situation exactly, but the baby stays with mom most of the time. Dad gets baby every couple weeks for 2 days.
Here's the rub, the dad takes the baby almost every day for a few hours almost every single morning during the week. I don't know if this is a permanent situation, but I would imagine with the father of the baby coming over every day, it might be difficult for the baby's mother to have a relationship ?
Any guy she dates will have to awkwardly see the babys father EVERY time he spends the night.
The babys father has a girlfriend already (woman he cheated with), and the babys mother never really sees her.
Is this arrangement of the father coming over every day normal? I have never heard of this, but I guess it may be more common than I realize.
Also, babys mom works 9-5ish from home, and babys dad is a cop, working 3pm-11pm hours.
The babys mom has family around for help and support, but it seems for the most part, she utilizes them rarely for babysitting.
I would like to stay away from the obvious observation that this may be messy for dating, and focus on divorced parents who have had similair arrangement and had success dating, or failed dating.
I see this having the potential of going all kinds of wrong for ME, dealing with ex who is cop, and constantly in the picture.
So far this woman seems like someone absolutely worth getting to know more. As everything about her has been honest, open, and on display.
I have never seen an arrangement where the non custody parent is around so frequently.
Yes it is common and its not about your comfort level its about the child and the relationship with his/her parents. Too bad more divorced couples are not able to put their petty wants aside and act like mature parents.
wow! so you don't think op has any say so in this weird arrangement?! If op becomes the husband, the ex will just pop up everyday like that?
Bolded = weird? Is me and lily the only people thinking this ?
Its like they are taking a break from the intimate relationship, but are still together day to day.
I am trying to grasp this long term.
If her and I (she isnt even gf status yet), date long term how will this unfold?
I know no one can read the future.
I just see this as a way for the ex to stay "too close" to the ex wife, and still have some 'control' over the ex, due to his continual presence.
I understand all about, "what is best for the baby." I grew up with divorced parents as far back as I can remember. Literally.
I. lived. that. life.
My parents gave each other space, and that was it. None of this every day 'help'.
You break up, and now due to children, you bust your butt providing a good life for them. And that includes some distance from the ex, so you can become INDEPENDENT again. (is that wrong)
I also know some guys get kinda crazy and try to prevent their ex from dating as much as possible.
I don't know this guy, and I don't know the whole story.
I think a large part of it has to do with the age of the child. 19 months old is really young, and dad probably wants to be a daily presence to maintain the bond he has with the child. Good on both of them for putting that need above their feelings for each other. IMO, the child is too young to have dad become an every-other-weekend parent just yet.
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Bolded = weird? Is me and lily the only people thinking this ?
Its like they are taking a break from the intimate relationship, but are still together day to day.
I am trying to grasp this long term.
If her and I (she isnt even gf status yet), date long term how will this unfold?
I know no one can read the future.
I just see this as a way for the ex to stay "too close" to the ex wife, and still have some 'control' over the ex, due to his continual presence.
I understand all about, "what is best for the baby." I grew up with divorced parents as far back as I can remember. Literally.
I. lived. that. life.
My parents gave each other space, and that was it. None of this every day 'help'.
You break up, and now due to children, you bust your butt providing a good life for them. And that includes some distance from the ex, so you can become INDEPENDENT again. (is that wrong)
I also know some guys get kinda crazy and try to prevent their ex from dating as much as possible.
I don't know this guy, and I don't know the whole story.
My aunt and uncle remained very close friends after their divorce. I don't think it's weird - just not common. My aunt's ex-husband and her next husband (he recently passed away so I can't call him her present husband) became good friends as well. My first boyfriend and I were together for 5 years and have been friends since we were 12. We are still very close and our spouses also get along well. I'm also very close to his wife. Like I said - it's not common for exes to get along well and stay in each other's lives - but I don't think it's weird. I actually think it's good. And just because you are able to remain friends with someone - that doesn't mean that you aren't able to be independent. Just because you break up with someone or get a divorced - that doesn't automatically make you enemies.
I'm not saying that her situation is totally healthy and that no harm will come from it - obviously I don't know the whole story. I'm just saying that it is possible for this to be perfectly healthy situation and one that is best for the baby.
This is why I won't date single parents. The two parents in the OP have the ideal situation for their child - ideally, a child should have daily contact with BOTH parents, not have one parent for during the week and another parent for weekends and holidays. Unfortunately, what is best for the child is not really the best for the parents' love lives.
The OP gets no say in the custody arrangements that his girlfriend has with her ex, nor any say on how his partner coparents. When you get involved with a woman with a child, the general expectation is that you will have at least some contact with her ex if you get serious. The girlfriend in the OP is doing a wonderful job of encouraging a normal family dynamic for her child - someone who finds that strange would probably do best looking for love elsewhere.
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