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Old 01-23-2013, 11:16 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,287,770 times
Reputation: 4766

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Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Agree with Jet! This is why I hate online dating. I think if you have even a halfway decent time with someone you should see them again. But a lot of people if they have ANY doubt will just move onto the next person. Saying I'm just not ready to date is one of the lamest cop out excuses I can think of. What in the hell are you doing on a dating website if you're not ready to date? I'd delete her number and move on to someone who doesn't text you lame excuses.
And that's why decent people end up in BAD relationships. Look for the perfect specimen and get dooped. It's happened to me before.
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Texas
5,012 posts, read 7,877,175 times
Reputation: 5698
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Agree with Jet! This is why I hate online dating. I think if you have even a halfway decent time with someone you should see them again. But a lot of people if they have ANY doubt will just move onto the next person. Saying I'm just not ready to date is one of the lamest cop out excuses I can think of. What in the hell are you doing on a dating website if you're not ready to date? I'd delete her number and move on to someone who doesn't text you lame excuses.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And I do owe you an apology for the way I treated you, so I'm really sorry
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Old 01-23-2013, 11:23 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,210,990 times
Reputation: 29088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
Now:
We've been texting back and forth since the date, just things about how our day has been and stuff. She's been very receptive.

All of a sudden today, we are texting, and:

she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.
Could be genuine, could be that she met someone else she likes more, could be anything.

But I will say this: Maybe it's because I'm a bit older (mid 40s) and didn't grow up with cell phones, but I wouldn't like a whole bunch of texting with someone I only went out with once. We go on a date, great. We have a good time and want to do it again, great. Call to set up the next date, great. In between, one email or one text, okay. But I would not want to text back-and-forth over several days, nor do the "how was your day" thing. It would be just too much content-free speech and too many interruptions to my day for no real reason but to have contact, and it would stress me out, too. Like it or not, but a text, like a call, is a request for attention, and a barrage of requests for attention would make me feel both suffocated and irritated.

I wouldn't do that with a boyfriend, either, come to think of it, even if I had a cell phone--which I don't, and meaningless chit-chat from friends and family is one reason why. If you want to share something, send an email. If you want to make plans, call. But don't make my phone buzz all day long over inconsequential stuff.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
2,186 posts, read 2,922,771 times
Reputation: 1807
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.
I would imagine she is telling you the truth. (It sounds like an honest confessional to me.) You're not stressing her out, but she gets stressed out, which has everything to do with her and nothing to do with you. It could be a unique excuse, but I kinda doubt it. Either way, if she doesn't want to go out again, you can't do anything about it. You were wise to make communication less frequent. Is she responding to your texts? If not, you probably want to stop texting her entirely.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
2,186 posts, read 2,922,771 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sound_of_Reason View Post
This is aggravating, She is 30 years old! She is not a child..
Meh...Anxiety is anxiety, and can happen at any age. She's not being "a child," she's being pretty open and direct about it. 30 is still pretty young these days, anyway, for better or worse. Plenty of 30-year-olds aren't ready to settle down yet.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:40 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
2,186 posts, read 2,922,771 times
Reputation: 1807
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Dinner and drinks came to $15? Wow. Where the heck did you go?
Ha, I had the same thought, too, but I imagine it was just an appetizer and two drinks. That's still cheap (especially with tax and tip!?), but not unheard of. Maybe it was happy hour.

The more relevant part of it to me was that she insisted on paying more. That could be an anxiety thing ("oh no, I ate more of the mozzarella sticks than he did, I'd better be sure to pay my share!") that could help explain why she gets so stressed out by dating.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
2,186 posts, read 2,922,771 times
Reputation: 1807
Quote:
Originally Posted by garonick View Post
She liked you then she thought it over and stupidly/dumbly thought "If I can hook this guy then I can do better".

Let the idiot go, with that kind of warped mind, her picture'll be on the singles wall of the dating site till 2053.
That's more than a little bit of a leap.
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,155,448 times
Reputation: 5704
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
I considered this, too.

I wonder why. We were laughing the whole night and stuff. Oh well.

Possibly your laughing and having a good time is mainly due to the fact that you both were drinking. For most of the date she had lower inhibitions, which made her probably say and do things she might have questioned. However, even having said that, in the end she still would not kiss you. Sounds to me like she just wasn't feeling you like that. She probably did have a genuine good time (not alot of stress when you realize that they aren't going to be the one), but she's looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right now.

I would add, you only paying five bucks on a date is pretty cheap. Texting so much is a major turnoff to some people. I personally don't know what I would do if my gf and I don't work out. I've invested so much time in it. I still to this day have never texted anyone. I would like to say it's an age thing, but my sister is over forty, I am almost forty, yet she text's allt the time, and I know how, but have never. I don't even have text on my phone. I think I"m the last man standing. But I remember a few years back, I was driving this young kid to work. He was like 23-24. During our conversations he was always looking down at his phone to see who texted him/ called/ whatever. It annoyed the sh t out of me. Of course I'm from the old school of giving people my undivided attention when it comes to talking. It annoyed me so much that I told him about it. It wasn't long after I stopped giving him rides. I guess some old dogs (like me) don't want to be taught new tricks. I'll stick with calling. It's always worked for me in the past and is still does. Again though, if my gf and I broke up today, I have a feeling I'd find dating very frustrating just for the fact that I hate texting/ people who text non stop. I can imagine me having ten dates in two weeks all ending the same way. "Sorry, I don't do the texting thing!"
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Old 01-23-2013, 12:58 PM
 
Location: In The Thin Air
12,566 posts, read 10,627,259 times
Reputation: 9247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badger55 View Post
First, the date:

On Saturday I had dinner/drinks with a cute 30 year old on POF. (I am 24). She was a little quiet at first, but after a beer and some appetizers, she was very talkative, interesting, and pretty funny too. She has a career and everything. No kids.

She is super indie and has a lot of tattoos. Listens to hipster music and chit. Before we met, we were talking to get to know each other and I told her to watch Parks and Rec, and she loves it now, so +1 for me there.

I walked her to her car, gave her a hug. Went in for the kiss, and she laughed and blushed. Kinda turned away so I went for the cheek. After a quick peck on her cheek, she pulled me in again for another hug.

I had a nice evening. Bill came to 15, I paid 5. She insisted she pay more.

We planned that night to meet again on Friday (this coming Fri):

Now:
We've been texting back and forth since the date, just things about how our day has been and stuff. She's been very receptive.

All of a sudden today, we are texting, and:

she says, "I'm not very good at this."
And I say, "what?"
"Dating, and communicating. I get really stressed out."
"Well, I've only met you once, but I think you're good at dating. I had a lot of fun."
"Right, but it SHOULDN'T make me stressed out, you know what I mean?"
"Yes, I know. Maybe we can talk through it?"
"I just don't know if Im ready to date in my life right now"


What do I make of this? Am I the one stressing her out? I try not to text her to often, only like once a day since our date.
Blow it off. You have three other women you are dating.
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Old 01-23-2013, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,477,498 times
Reputation: 10809
I've had plenty of great first dates that never resulted in a second date. One or both of us didn't see the potential for more. Oh well, indeed. Next!

It helps to date with the idea of enjoying the date itself, with no other expectations. Then, you get out of it what you put into it, and aren't disappointed if that one date is all you have. I almost always still enjoyed it and learning about someone new is almost always interesting.
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