Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am gay. I have always known I was gay. While I admired women and loved their clothes/hair/shoes, I wanted to be more LIKE them than date them. I had a few girlfriends growing up-- it was a matter of survival in a poor black urban neighborhood to seem straight-- but I wasn't ever fooled. I knew I was attracted to guys. I just had to get out of my environment to act on it. My mama always knew, too-- so much so that there was no need to come out to her or my sisters. My brother had a harder time with it, but we are all cool now.
I also believe in the Kinsey scale. But the simplest way to put it, I think, is that we cannot help being heterosexual. The same applies to the rest of the world. Denying it to avoid being shunned or discriminated against doesn't mean they didn't always know it was there. Even when they fight it and hate themselves for it, it is because it is there. I can make myself not like men any more than they can stop wanting what they want.
Exactly!
...which is why I asked if they always know. It seems like they should know, especially if something is always bothering them.
Interesting reply, and I understand. I am not sure that makes you or anyone truly "bi" if they have a crush, or attraction to a particular person of the same sex which is outside their normal preference. I think to really be bi you would need more of a general acceptance and desire for both sexes.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith
I am gay. I have always known I was gay. While I admired women and loved their clothes/hair/shoes, I wanted to be more LIKE them than date them. I had a few girlfriends growing up-- it was a matter of survival in a poor black urban neighborhood to seem straight-- but I wasn't ever fooled. I knew I was attracted to guys. I just had to get out of my environment to act on it. My mama always knew, too-- so much so that there was no need to come out to her or my sisters. My brother had a harder time with it, but we are all cool now.
This, coupled with the fact gay men have brains more similar to women, makes me think that homosexuality might just be a milder form of transsexuality, although some would disagree.
I'm asking because I was thinking about people who are gay in the closet, especially the ones who get married to someone from the opposite gender, have kids and then later come out. I wondered if some of them had not ever acknowledged that they were gay to themselves and that is why they didn't "come out".
Yes, it is true that gay people who grow up in a homophobic culture (geographically, religiously, family, etc.) often have internalized homophobia, and may therefore fight their orientation in an attempt to conform, to the extent of not even admitting it to themselves. This has been in the news in recent years with some conservative politicians, religious leaders, etc. experiencing this. I have a close friend from childhood who didn't fully acknowledge his orientation to himself until his mid-20's or so. Fortunately he didn't already have a wife and kids by then as some do.
I see you're in the Bay Area, where this is probably less common than most places due to less heteronormative pressure in the overall culture, but it's still pretty common elsewhere.
Yes, it is true that gay people who grow up in a homophobic culture (geographically, religiously, family, etc.) often have internalized homophobia, and may therefore fight their orientation in an attempt to conform, to the extent of not even admitting it to themselves. This has been in the news in recent years with some conservative politicians, religious leaders, etc. experiencing this. I have a close friend from childhood who didn't fully acknowledge his orientation to himself until his mid-20's or so. Fortunately he didn't already have a wife and kids by then as some do.
I see you're in the Bay Area, where this is probably less common than most places due to less heteronormative pressure in the overall culture, but it's still pretty common elsewhere.
Speaking of, there's an essay going around by the poet who read at the inauguration about growing up gay with a homophobic grandmother: Richard Blanco: Making a Man Out of Me
It's pretty easy to see how in that situation many gay people would be pressured to hide their true selves.
If someone identifies as gay, but also has children or a spouse from a prior opposite gender relationship, doesn't that technically make them bis*xual, though?? At least that is kinda what I had always assumed...otherwise why have a child, with a previous opposite-gender partner or spouse?
No. Sexual Orientation is determined by attraction, not behavior. Lots of closeted gay men pursue relationships with women to meet society's expectations of how things should be and to avoid discrimination.
I've seen this, or heard of this, happening in Southern California.
The wife typically never remarries, the kids are sometimes messed up by it unless they are really self-disciplined and can push it down, and the previous husband goes on to do what he pleases. In one case, the husband who started batting for the other team was a DOCTOR. The wife was a high-society Italian sophisticate (at least in Italy) who was always arrogant when she called our house, so as far as it happening to her, I couldn't care less.
I'm asking because I was thinking about people who are gay in the closet, especially the ones who get married to someone from the opposite gender, have kids and then later come out. I wondered if some of them had not ever acknowledged that they were gay to themselves and that is why they didn't "come out".
My first crush was in elementary school on a girl named Janice. If your first crush was on a girl, then chances are you're not gay. If your first crush was on a guy, then chances are you are.
If you are gay and married (e.g. John Travolta), what's wrong with that? Male parts and female parts were made to work together. To me it's like ADD and dyslexia ... you're wires were crossed somewhere and you are doing what it takes to overcome your "disability", so to speak. To me getting married and having kids is still preferable to living the gay lifestyle, if you can do it.
If you can't do it, the gay lifestyle is more acceptable these days.
I don't think this stuff is black and white ... I think there are varying degrees of sexuality sometimes. I think there are some people who are so homosexual they could never be married. There are probably others who are more marginal and can be in a married situation.
Different strokes.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
At least that is kinda what I had always assumed...otherwise why have a child, with a previous opposite-gender partner or spouse?
