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I'm asking because I was thinking about people who are gay in the closet, especially the ones who get married to someone from the opposite gender, have kids and then later come out. I wondered if some of them had not ever acknowledged that they were gay to themselves and that is why they didn't "come out".
I'm asking because I was thinking about people who are gay in the closet, especially the ones who get married to someone from the opposite gender, have kids and then later come out. I wondered if some of them had not ever acknowledged that they were gay to themselves and that is why they didn't "come out".
Sometimes it takes awhile to work all that out in the mind. I know a guy who was engaged, and suddenly realized he couldn't go through with it. It just suddenly hit him first that he was gay, then as he was working through that, he realized he needed a gender change. He agonized about it, and called off the engagement, but within a couple of months, had scheduled the beginning stages of a gender change. I knew a couple of other guys who tried to do the dating thing in college, and it didn't work out. At some point after college, they both came out as gay.
I believe it is a individual thing. I look at Merideth Baxter Birney, who came out in her 50's. I knew I like the opposite sex at a very early age. I was boy crazy. Some friends did not take a interest in the opposite sex until their late teens. All depends on the person.
If someone identifies as gay, but also has children or a spouse from a prior opposite gender relationship, doesn't that technically make them bis*xual, though?? At least that is kinda what I had always assumed...otherwise why have a child, with a previous opposite-gender partner or spouse?
I suppose it can take a while for someone to sort it out. Especially with the social stigmas and such which have typically been attached to being gay.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009
If someone identifies as gay, but also has children or a spouse from a prior opposite gender relationship, doesn't that technically make them bis*xual, though?? At least that is kinda what I had always assumed...otherwise why have a child, with a previous opposite-gender partner or spouse?
What makes someone straight, gay, or bi is what they have a preference for and what they seek out. If someone who was confused about their own orientation ended up with an unsatisfying opposite sex relationship, and then realized they were gay, that doesn't make them bi. A bi person would find satisfaction in both opposite and same sex relationships.
If someone identifies as gay, but also has children or a spouse from a prior opposite gender relationship, doesn't that technically make them bis*xual, though?? At least that is kinda what I had always assumed...otherwise why have a child, with a previous opposite-gender partner or spouse?
Bisexuals are attracted to both genders naturally. Homosexuals are naturally attracted to the same gender but may engage in relationships with the opposite sex even if it isn't their natural inclination simply because of societal expectations or because they think their homosexuality can be "fixed" if they just go through the motions.
I mean, I think most people are a little bit bi (meaning that they have at least some attraction to both genders to a greater or lesser degree), but they gravitate to one gender or another in terms of who they seek out for relationships and partners as a general rule.
As for people who "don't know they are gay," well, they may be in denial, they may not understand what exactly homosexuality is if they've been terribly sheltered, or they may just think it can be "fixed" if they try hard enough.
My one buddy says he always knew, he just kind of tried to ignore it and then to be discreet about it, because he thought it would destroy his mother. He was basically out to everyone but his mother for a long time, which made for a rather hysterical coming-out story. Surprise, surprise - it didn't destroy his mother
Bisexuals are attracted to both genders naturally. Homosexuals are naturally attracted to the same gender but may engage in relationships with the opposite sex even if it isn't their natural inclination simply because of societal expectations or because they think their homosexuality can be "fixed" if they just go through the motions.
I mean, I think most people are a little bit bi (meaning that they have at least some attraction to both genders to a greater or lesser degree), but they gravitate to one gender or another in terms of who they seek out for relationships and partners as a general rule.
As for people who "don't know they are gay," well, they may be in denial, they may not understand what exactly homosexuality is if they've been terribly sheltered, or they may just think it can be "fixed" if they try hard enough.
My one buddy says he always knew, he just kind of tried to ignore it and then to be discreet about it, because he thought it would destroy his mother. He was basically out to everyone but his mother for a long time, which made for a rather hysterical coming-out story. Surprise, surprise - it didn't destroy his mother
An interesting observation. Could you explain a little more? Do you mean that people can have an appreciation of someone of the same sex being attractive? Or that you think everyone has a bit of an actual sexual attraction to the same sex?
An interesting observation. Could you explain a little more? Do you mean that people can have an appreciation of someone of the same sex being attractive? Or that you think everyone has a bit of an actual sexual attraction to the same sex?
I think it varies. Basically, all I'm saying is that I believe in the Kinsey scale. I think anyone who is comfortable with their sexuality should be able to recognize the attractiveness of another person, but I think most people will have at least stirrings of sexual/romantic attraction to a person who is not of the gender they normally seek out for sexual relationships at least once in their life. Likely it's not enough to act on, but it's there.
LOL. For a week in college, I thought I was a lesbian. It was pretty funny.
I was in a class early in the term, looked across the room and saw what I thought was this amazingly beautiful butch lesbian. Crystalline blue eyes, smooth tanned skin with well-toned muscle, amazing lips and curly dark hair. I was instantly smitten. Which threw me off because I'd hit 19 without really feeling any noticeable attraction to women. But I could not take my eyes off her.
I then spent the next week re-examining my sexuality and wondering why this had come out of the blue like this. I knew next to NOTHING at the time about "being gay" so I was wondering if it was just a random epiphany people had as they reached adulthood or something. I was wondering how I was going to tell my parents that I was suddenly into chicks and I was thinking I was going to have to punch at least a few people who were going to smirk and say that they always knew a woman who loved Doc Maartens and flannel as much as I did would have to be a lesbian.
Then, back in class a week later, I was checking out my crush surreptitiously. Yep. Still hot. Then my crush raised "her" hand to ask a question. And out comes this decidedly masculine voice.
Turns out, my crush was just a really beautiful guy. I mean REALLY beautiful, with really great skin. I asked him if he wanted to have lunch at the end of the term, but he was already transferring schools to one that was less academically rigorous (he was pretty but not the brightest bulb in the chandelier). I was just relieved that my life wasn't going to get more complicated than it already was - I wasn't that freaked out about being gay, but the logistics of coming out seemed rather overwhelming to me back then. I could totally see where someone might stay in the closet out of sheer emotional laziness.
I've had mild attractions to women on very specific occasions since then, but nothing I'd want to act on or have acted on. I can say pretty confidently that I identify as straight and likely always will. 1) My attraction to men is far greater and far more consistent. 2) Vaginas that aren't my own are pretty scary, from my perspective. I don't know why straight men and lesbians like them so much. I can totally see the appeal of boobs though.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector
I think it varies. Basically, all I'm saying is that I believe in the Kinsey scale. I think anyone who is comfortable with their sexuality should be able to recognize the attractiveness of another person, but I think most people will have at least stirrings of sexual/romantic attraction to a person who is not of the gender they normally seek out for sexual relationships at least once in their life. Likely it's not enough to act on, but it's there.
LOL. For a week in college, I thought I was a lesbian. It was pretty funny.
I was in a class early in the term, looked across the room and saw what I thought was this amazingly beautiful butch lesbian. Crystalline blue eyes, smooth tanned skin with well-toned muscle, amazing lips and curly dark hair. I was instantly smitten. Which threw me off because I'd hit 19 without really feeling any noticeable attraction to women. But I could not take my eyes off her.
I then spent the next week re-examining my sexuality and wondering why this had come out of the blue like this. I knew next to NOTHING at the time about "being gay" so I was wondering if it was just a random epiphany people had as they reached adulthood or something. I was wondering how I was going to tell my parents that I was suddenly into chicks and I was thinking I was going to have to punch at least a few people who were going to smirk and say that they always knew a woman who loved Doc Maartens and flannel as much as I did would have to be a lesbian.
Then, back in class a week later, I was checking out my crush surreptitiously. Yep. Still hot. Then my crush raised "her" hand to ask a question. And out comes this decidedly masculine voice.
Turns out, my crush was just a really beautiful guy. I mean REALLY beautiful, with really great skin. I asked him if he wanted to have lunch at the end of the term, but he was already transferring schools to one that was less academically rigorous (he was pretty but not the brightest bulb in the chandelier). I was just relieved that my life wasn't going to get more complicated than it already was - I wasn't that freaked out about being gay, but the logistics of coming out seemed rather overwhelming to me back then. I could totally see where someone might stay in the closet out of sheer emotional laziness.
I've had mild attractions to women on very specific occasions since then, but nothing I'd want to act on or have acted on. I can say pretty confidently that I identify as straight and likely always will. 1) My attraction to men is far greater and far more consistent. 2) Vaginas that aren't my own are pretty scary, from my perspective. I don't know why straight men and lesbians like them so much. I can totally see the appeal of boobs though.
That reminds me of a funny ad you may have seen. Two guys are at the beach and they happen to notice what looks like a hot topless woman sunbathing on her stomach. When they go up to chat her up they realise that 'she' is a guy with long hair wearing a speedo lol. I can totally understand straight males being attracted to transvestites or transsexuals: a lot of our attraction is based on visual cues that signal 'femininity' or 'masculinity', whether that be cultural or biological. Some of the more convincing transexuals, even pre-op, give off all those signals that typically trigger off attraction in men so they'd feel attracted. Only when they find out she is a biological male and aren't comfortable with it do they try to fight it.
I wouldn't say you're really bi, but I think you're like most people. I'm probably similar to you, I mean at few times I thought I had a crush on a couple guys (when I was a teen) who were really good looking. I wasn't sexually into them, though, it was just pretty superficial. Also feminine looking or acting gay men make me feel a bit weird. I don't find other guy's dicks scary, I'm just not really turned on by them. Actually, even random vaginas alone don't do all that much for me, I prefer the whole package, which is why close-ups in porn don't do all that much for me. I'm more turned on by the whole person.
It's one thing to deny it to everyone else (because of societal expectations, etc) but another to deny it to yourself. That is what I wonder about people who are confused. Basically, are they denying it to themselves, maybe because they badly want to be like everyone else? That must be hard.
Also, I don't believe everyone is bi.
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At least that is kinda what I had always assumed...otherwise why have a child, with a previous opposite-gender partner or spouse?
