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Yes, a random older gentleman who comes up behind me, sticks his nose in my hair and says 'mmm you smell nice' isn't creepy at all. I should have asked him out!
In addition, it seems many of those 'great guys' aren't actually great or even good. It takes experience to tell them apart and you can't get experience without making a few mistakes
I don't generally do silences though, I'm pretty chatty and like asking questions. Silence has never been an issue for me.
My parents will be celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary, they were married right out of high school. I know what to look for in a mate, unfortunately finding a decent man is harder than it seems. Finding one who likes me in return? Very difficult indeed. Many men are VERY good at pretending they're nice.. I have known quite a.few men over the years who are master manipulators. They can be difficult to spot.
That depends. The men I seem to be drawn to have very low earning potential and it doesn't bother me at all. I have my own money so the amount he makes is pretty irrelevant.
I'm a big question guy too. I'm an analyst for a living, so I have to be very comfortable asking questions with my job. When silence comes from my end, or their end, I know that something is not working out as it should. It just happened to me very recently as well. Hit it off with a lady and then all of a sudden the conversation just died. I ultimately had to decide that she was no longer interested in chatting and I let the chips fall as they may. I have a really sickly accurate gut feeling, so when it kicks in, I know what's about to happen.....
In my area, at my age, it's really hard to find a woman that is single and hasn't been divorced. I have no issues with divorced women; however, I'm always on the fence about dating a divorced woman with a kid or two. I'm leery about the drama from the past relationship. I'll just continue to remain positive and hopefully things will work out in the long run. It's a good thing that I have goals for my own life or I would drive myself crazy. My only fear is the more I accomplish on my own, the less I will want to share my life with someone else. I don't really want to be alone forever, but it's scary to let someone in on your life when you did all the work to get your life there.
Maybe theyre not ugly, but you simply have unreasonable standards as to what is attractive.
I've been to NYC twice in the past 2 months and didn't have a single man approach me, much less throw himself at me.
Nope. They were total butterfaces, but some had big boobs, others a big butt, others fat, some beanpoles. They'd get catcalls depending on which neighborhood they were in, and men were always staring them up and down.
Obviously, you wouldn't get that kind of attention on Wall Street, but in the residential neighborhoods, of course.
Nope. They were total butterfaces, but some had big boobs, others a big butt, others fat, some beanpoles. They'd get catcalls depending on which neighborhood they were in, and men were always staring them up and down.
Obviously, you wouldn't get that kind of attention on Wall Street, but in the residential neighborhoods, of course.
Catcalls and staring isn't 'approaching'... you do realize there's a difference, right? Men do that to every woman regardless of how attractive she is. It's not flattering and it can be downright dangerous, especially if they decide to follow you and harass you.
I've had to call out my guy friends for being creeps because they really didn't realize what they were doing were making some women uncomfortable.
Your friends. I.e., they're reasonable guys who aren't going to rape any woman and aren't dancing around with their weiner tucked under at home (it rubs the lotion on its skin) or masturbating to roadkill or whatever. Just regular guys. Point proven.... lol, unless you're friends with weirdos like that.
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and why is that? I'm more than happy to hold the conversation for a while as I understand that it may take a.shy man a while to become comfortable and open up.
It's not a matter of shy, it's just I don't have much to say, especially one-on-one with someone, and especially if I don't know that person well (as in, I'm starting to get to know them). Conversely, I can talk endlessly about actual, real topics. People overestimate how easy conversation is because half the time they're in groups, they forget how groups end up holding conversations a lot better, but it doesn't carry over into one on one. And more generally it's just a basic fact men aren't that talkative. My god, there was even a transexual who explained that after the hormone therapy she couldn't barely even talk anymore (compared to before) and he/she was amazed (I saw this on a show... on I can't remeber which channel).
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So, no kids for me.
Didn't you say once you're looking forward to having your own kids?
Would you be open to adoption? If you're already having trouble finding dates, not wanting kids is only going to make things worse. But more generally, dang, don't you want to raise some kids?
Last edited by Peanuttree; 01-29-2013 at 02:28 PM..
The opposite of feminist isn't chauvanist. One is a belief that the sexes are equal, and the other is the belief that one sex is superior to the other.
The fate of humanity is in the hands of women, therefore women are the superior sex.
The problem isn't that no woman would want this guy. The problem would be that the man doesn't want the kind of woman he can get with no car making $8/hour. He can find a woman but it's not going to be a beautiful young woman with a great body...good job and a lot of common sense. Why is that? It's because common sense would tell a woman like that..that she can do better and she will. Now, that guy may find a pretty woman...a woman with a great figure...a woman with a good job and all three of those types of women may have a lot of common sense but don't expect the total package unless you too are the total package!
I mean that's like me getting mad because guys like Dwayne "the rock" Johnson...George Clooney or Jaime Fox would step over me like I was invisible. Damn them for being shallow! Maybe I should head over to the nearest college campus and try to pick up 21 year old guys and then want to be mad when they reject me. Damn them!
A lot of men are delusional.
But wait, there's more! He has a college degree and he KNOWS he is NEVER going to find a woman who went to college. So yeah, he knows he's never going to find the kind of woman he hopes to find. The ones I've found to date have all been quite middling to below average (think of a range from about 3 to 6), including some porkers. So maybe not so delusional after all.
Your friends. I.e., they're reasonable guys who aren't going to rape any woman and aren't dancing around with their weiner tucked under at home (it rubs the lotion on its skin) or masturbating to roadkill or whatever. Just regular guys. Point proven.... lol, unless you're friends with weirdos like that.
It's not a matter of shy, it's just I don't have much to say, especially one-on-one with someone, and especially if I don't know that person well (as in, I'm starting to get to know them). Conversely, I can talk endlessly about actual, real topics. People overestimate how easy conversation is because half the time they're in groups, they forget how groups end up holding conversations a lot better, but it doesn't carry over into one on one. And more generally it's just a basic fact men aren't that talkative. My god, there was even a transexual who explained that after the hormone therapy she couldn't barely even talk anymore (compared to before) and he/she was amazed (I saw this on a show... on I can't remeber which channel).
Didn't you say once you're looking forward to having your own kids?
Would you be open to adoption? If you're already having trouble finding dates, not wanting kids is only going to make things worse. But more generally, dang, don't you want to raise some kids?
Well, a woman doesn't KNOW if a man is going to stalk her, or harass her or rape her...all we have to go on is physical clues and the way he acts. One of my guy friends was perfectly nice, but he would walk up to girls, stand really close to them and try to put his hands on them. Then, he would come crying to me about rejection. He thought he was being flirty but I had to let him know that a strange man standing too close and trying to touch them was weird and made women feel uncomfortable. He stopped doing that and his luck improved.
I'm really not interested in someone who sits in silence and doesn't have anything to say. I'm talkative and outgoing and know a lot of men who are similar to me. My best friend is a man and we can talk for hours about random stuff. In fact, most of the men I know can't shut up If you have nothing to talk about with me, I'll assume you're not interested.
As for kids, I thought I wanted them, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I may not be cut out for it. I'm just not a big fan of kids and while I don't mind babysittibg my friends kids, it's such a relief when they're gone.
When I was told I probably wouldn't be able to concieve, I was surprised at how much it didn't bother me. Kids aren't for everyone and maybe if more people thought a bit more about reproducing, more children would be born into happier families. While I realize this may shrink my already dismal pool of romantic possibilities, a woman should not be shamed simply because she doesn't want kids.
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Originally Posted by Peanuttree
What were you doing? Of course it's not going to happen while you're shopping or doing business.
I was bar hopping on NYE and wandering around different parts of the city.
Well, a woman doesn't KNOW if a man is going to stalk her, or harass her or rape her...all we have to go on is physical clues and the way he acts. One of my guy friends was perfectly nice, but he would walk up to girls, stand really close to them and try to put his hands on them. Then, he would come crying to me about rejection. He thought he was being flirty but I had to let him know that a strange man standing too close and trying to touch them was weird and made women feel uncomfortable. He stopped doing that and his luck improved.
Further proof you really oughtn't write off guys who may be a little awkward here and there. Do you understand what's happening here? You're literally giving me an example of what I'm saying. You know guys who are awkward, but not rapey-stabby.
And it's not like any rapists or murderers were ever charming and good with people. (Hint: sarcasm). Heck, last I checked, isn't that how the real serial offender freaks get their victims? Or ever heard the stereotype of the prep school popular jock who isn't used to hearing the word no.
I promise you this habit is only going to hurt you. You think you can keep it reasonable, but you can't, because it's based on some deep-seated fear. You're always going to jump to calling guys "creepy".
Want to avoid trouble? Just do the usual of creating a network of safetues; meet with the guy using your own transport, tell people what you're doing, tell him you told your friends (sneak it into conversation), etc. Maybe add in that you have brothers (that in the worst case scenario you could threaten woud kick his ass if he continues his whatever worst-case-scenario shenanigans)
Or God forbid stop being such a scared victim and grow some cojones, and learn to punch a little - most women really could fight off a rapist when he doesn't have a weapon. Hell, aren't you like 6'3"? Punches, nut kicks, gouging eyes, biting of his nose, he'd be pretty close so his eyes and face would be close to.
Or carry some protection with you. It's doable.
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I'm really not interested in someone who sits in silence and doesn't have anything to say. I'm talkative and outgoing and know a lot of men who are similar to me. My best friend is a man and we can talk for hours about random stuff. In fact, most of the men I know can't shut up If you have nothing to talk about with me, I'll assume you're not interested.
Again, conversation can be difficult one-on-one, guys with other guys or girls. Especially when you don't know someone well, i.e. during a first "hang out". And, like with me, it could be that you're not talking about the right thing. I could talk endless about "smarter" topics, inane conversation bores me. You'd be surprised how much conversation out there is completely inane, and how far it goes. I'll bet half the guys out there who are really good with women pretty much never talk about ANYTHING of ANY substance.
If you assume that a guy who doesn't have much to say isn't uinterested, then you're really gonna *********rself over.
Remember, being talkative is NOT a part of masculinity. Talking too much is wasteful and frivolous and a habit men should be and are trained out of. Real men don't talk that much. Maybe this is why you can't find a guy with the requisite amount of balls to want to **** you, you're going for feeble, talkative men.
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I was bar hopping on NYE and wandering around different parts of the city
hmmmm... I guess the first obvious thing is that you're not going to find your husband at a bar, as they say. That of course doesn't explain why you still don't get attention, but maybe it's you need to find a husband-type guy; people at bars want to "have fun" first, so they're only interested in the most attractive people. Ever try going to a public park? Just do more stuff at parks, borrow a friend's dog to walk. Want to borrow my dog next time you're in NYC? you won't be able to AVOID a conversation, and I could also use an excuse to take Crystal to NYC for the same reason, too. She's seriously the cutest most beautiful dog you'll ever see, one time at a town fair I couldn't even explain to people about her because someone ELSE would walk up and ask about her again just as I started explaining.
Further proof you really oughtn't write off guys who may be a little awkward here and there. Do you understand what's happening here? You're literally giving me an example of what I'm saying. You know guys who are awkward, but not rapey-stabby.
And it's not like any rapists or murderers were ever charming and good with people. (Hint: sarcasm). Heck, last I checked, isn't that how the real serial offender freaks get their victims? Or ever heard the stereotype of the prep school popular jock who isn't used to hearing the word no.
I promise you this habit is only going to hurt you. You think you can keep it reasonable, but you can't, because it's based on some deep-seated fear. You're always going to jump to calling guys "creepy".
Want to avoid trouble? Just do the usual of creating a network of safetues; meet with the guy using your own transport, tell people what you're doing, tell him you told your friends (sneak it into conversation), etc. Maybe add in that you have brothers (that in the worst case scenario you could threaten woud kick his ass if he continues his whatever worst-case-scenario shenanigans)
Or God forbid stop being such a scared victim and grow some cojones, and learn to punch a little - most women really could fight off a rapist when he doesn't have a weapon. Hell, aren't you like 6'3"? Punches, nut kicks, gouging eyes, biting of his nose, he'd be pretty close so his eyes and face would be close to.
Or carry some protection with you. It's doable.
Again, conversation can be difficult one-on-one, guys with other guys or girls. Especially when you don't know someone well, i.e. during a first "hang out". And, like with me, it could be that you're not talking about the right thing. I could talk endless about "smarter" topics, inane conversation bores me. You'd be surprised how much conversation out there is completely inane, and how far it goes. I'll bet half the guys out there who are really good with women pretty much never talk about ANYTHING of ANY substance.
If you assume that a guy who doesn't have much to say isn't uinterested, then you're really gonna *********rself over.
Remember, being talkative is NOT a part of masculinity. Talking too much is wasteful and frivolous and a habit men should be and are trained out of. Real men don't talk that much. Maybe this is why you can't find a guy with the requisite amount of balls to want to **** you, you're going for feeble, talkative men.
hmmmm... I guess the first obvious thing is that you're not going to find your husband at a bar, as they say. That of course doesn't explain why you still don't get attention, but maybe it's you need to find a husband-type guy; people at bars want to "have fun" first, so they're only interested in the most attractive people. Ever try going to a public park? Just do more stuff at parks, borrow a friend's dog to walk. Want to borrow my dog next time you're in NYC? you won't be able to AVOID a conversation, and I could also use an excuse to take Crystal to NYC for the same reason, too. She's seriously the cutest most beautiful dog you'll ever see, one time at a town fair I couldn't even explain to people about her because someone ELSE would walk up and ask about her again just as I started explaining.
There is so much wrong with this I don't even know how to properly respond.... 'real men' don't talk? SERIOUSLY?
Having a good conversation is something I truly love and enjoy and it's something too many people are terrible at these days. Perhaps it's because of people like you who think it's not 'masculine' to hold a conversation? If you can't talk to your partner (or to your friends) then what do you have? Screwing and grunting in passing? Doesn't sound very healthy to me.
As for the 'creepy' stuff, do you have any idea how many dates I've gone on with guys I've met online that seemed 'off' or 'weird' because I wanted to give them a chance? Well guess what? They were weird and made me feel super uncomfortable. They tried to grope me in public, they made gross comments, one of them slammed a door in my face and just kept walking leaving me behind.
I'll go ahead and trust my intuition from now on, I've ignored it in the past and it hasn't turned out great. I think my issue might be that I'm not picky enough...I basically give everyone a chance which means there's no challenge and I come across as too 'easy' and eager. I'm switching it up and becoming much pickier and seeing how that goes.
For the dog stuff, I had a dog and my parents had 5 so I went out often with them. I'm no stranger to walking around in parks with dogs.
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