Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with LS Jaun. Not all women are stimulated by PIV sex. A lot of guys don't realize that and just drill away. It doesn't mean that anything is wrong with the woman..she just doesn't find stimulation with that typical type of sex. People seem to think that PIV intercourse is "sex" in its entirety when it's not. When you're in a committed relationship, it's always a two way street and if that means that the guy has to stimulate the clit and/or use a toy to achieve the result, then what's wrong with that? She can have intercourse to help get him off and then he can finish her with the methods that are known to work for her. Women aren't one size fit all caricatures. Each woman is different and requires different things to derive pleasure. Now if she absolutely didn't want any intimacy at all or derived no pleasure at all, then maybe there's a "problem". I don't see any problem with a woman not getting off on penetration.
Have you ever thought that maybe she'd have fun having sex with some other guy? Or maybe you just need to open it up to her so that you can talk about trying out things to make it more interesting. Spicing it up a little.
With the exception of redberry and Doll Face and a few others I think most are pretty not-accepting.
Lilac especially offended me. I considered all the possibilities including frustration in personal relationships as she posited, as the reason for my lifelong lack of sexual desire and none of them make sense. You could say that I was a paraphiliac, but the effect is the same thing. In most other respects besides this I am perfectly normal. I consider myself perfectly capable of loving, and seeking a romantic relationship with another person, that goes beyond being "buddies", and I know a lot of older couples who have been married for decades who are now platonic and it seems incredibly offensive and dismissive to call these people "buddies" as Lilac does. Since Lilac is so concerned about the academic and psychological communities, where is your citation that platonic marriages have devolved into two people being "buddies"? Please cite the academic source.
As to everyone else: What is so special about sexual desire, that you can't have a relationship without it? Isn't it just another physical sensation? Who really cares? Is this what love is really based on? So if your wife for whatever reason was in an accident and her clit was horrifically destroyed, you would stop loving her? I must have never understood what love means.
With the exception of redberry and Doll Face and a few others I think most are pretty not-accepting.
We were talking about choosing a partner. When choosing a partner, being accepting is not the point. The point is to find someone that is compatible.
Quote:
Lilac especially offended me. I considered all the possibilities including frustration in personal relationships as she posited, as the reason for my lifelong lack of sexual desire and none of them make sense. You could say that I was a paraphiliac, but the effect is the same thing. In most other respects besides this I am perfectly normal. I consider myself perfectly capable of loving, and seeking a romantic relationship with another person, that goes beyond being "buddies", and I know a lot of older couples who have been married for decades who are now platonic and it seems incredibly offensive and dismissive to call these people "buddies" as Lilac does. Since Lilac is so concerned about the academic and psychological communities, where is your citation that platonic marriages have devolved into two people being "buddies"? Please cite the academic source.
I guess, FOR ME, that is no different than a friendship with tax benefits. I would be curious what constitutes a romantic relationship then?
Quote:
As to everyone else: What is so special about sexual desire, that you can't have a relationship without it? Isn't it just another physical sensation?
No, it is not just another physical sensation. It is a form of bonding and intimacy, of fulnerability and trust building.
Quote:
Who really cares?
Apparently, quite a few people in this thread.
Quote:
Is this what love is really based on?
Certainly not SOLELY.
Quote:
So if your wife for whatever reason was in an accident and her clit was horrifically destroyed, you would stop loving her? I must have never understood what love means.
I married my husband till death do us part. We have had the pleasure of many great bonding years. If he were to suffer some illness or accident that caused him to be incapable, I would continue to love him forever. But it would be difficult.
But that is not what we are discussing. We are discussing choosing a mate in the first place.
We were talking about choosing a partner. When choosing a partner, being accepting is not the point. The point is to find someone that is compatible.
I guess, FOR ME, that is no different than a friendship with tax benefits. I would be curious what constitutes a romantic relationship then?
No, it is not just another physical sensation. It is a form of bonding and intimacy, of fulnerability and trust building.
Apparently, quite a few people in this thread.
Certainly not SOLELY.
I married my husband till death do us part. We have had the pleasure of many great bonding years. If he were to suffer some illness or accident that caused him to be incapable, I would continue to love him forever. But it would be difficult.
But that is not what we are discussing. We are discussing choosing a mate in the first place.
i guess i should just join a convent. women like me are not deserving of a committed relationship. i'm just broken damaged goods
We were talking about choosing a partner. When choosing a partner, being accepting is not the point. The point is to find someone that is compatible.
I'm not saying you have to be accepting, I'm just stating it as a fact.
Quote:
I guess, FOR ME, that is no different than a friendship with tax benefits. I would be curious what constitutes a romantic relationship then?
To me, a romantic relationship is inherently above friendship. Like, if you had to choose between your friend or your spouse, most people would choose the spouse. Also, friendships don't make families, whereas spousal relationships do. Like, you could move to another country and it would be sad to say goodbye to your friends, but most people wouldn't think it's abnormal. But if you moved away from your family permanently then most people would think you're abandoning them. To me, family is paramount. Friends may or may not be there for you in this world, but family always should. Maybe part of it is just being culturally Asian, family is super important to me.
As to the rest of what you said, I accept it.
However I would say I can have bonding and intimacy, and even still engage in most of the motions of sex, but just not get any sexual pleasure out of penetration. But I could still get other forms of pleasure, like the pleasure of touching another person and exploring their body. But I don't see what's so special about sexual arousal in the context of penetration specifically.
Quote:
i guess i should just join a convent. women like me are not deserving of a committed relationship. i'm just broken damaged goods
No you're not. That's just silly... I think you know that already.
I'm not saying you have to be accepting, I'm just stating it as a fact.
To me, a romantic relationship is inherently above friendship. Like, if you had to choose between your friend or your spouse, most people would choose the spouse. Also, friendships don't make families, whereas spousal relationships do. Like, you could move to another country and it would be sad to say goodbye to your friends, but most people wouldn't think it's abnormal. But if you moved away from your family permanently then most people would think you're abandoning them. To me, family is paramount. Friends may or may not be there for you in this world, but family always should. Maybe part of it is just being culturally Asian, family is super important to me.
As to the rest of what you said, I accept it.
However I would say I can have bonding and intimacy, and even still engage in most of the motions of sex, but just not get any sexual pleasure out of penetration. But I could still get other forms of pleasure, like the pleasure of touching another person and exploring their body. But I don't see what's so special about sexual arousal in the context of penetration specifically.
No you're not. That's just silly... I think you know that already.
No, it's not silly. I tried being honest by telling the last few partners this, and it pretty much ruined the relationship. The vast majority of men want to be with w/ women who are highly orgasmic. Once they realized that my vagina is numb, they leave. I could lie, and make them believe I'm normal..b/c telling the truth sabotages things
No, it's not silly. I tried being honest by telling the last few partners this, and it pretty much ruined the relationship. The vast majority of men want to be with w/ women who are highly orgasmic. Once they realized that my vagina is numb, they leave. I could lie, and make them believe I'm normal..b/c telling the truth sabotages things
You said "women like me are not deserving of a committed relationship"
It has nothing to do with what you deserve, this is just the way you are, unless you can somehow fix it. But that's not guaranteed to be possible.
You said "women like me are not deserving of a committed relationship"
It has nothing to do with what you deserve, this is just the way you are, unless you can somehow fix it. But that's not guaranteed to be possible.
there's nothing to fix it. no such surgery exist. i guess i'm not meant to be a committed relationship. i'm damaged goods
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
