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Have you spoken with the man in question about your feelings? Just briefly because you can't talk him into continuing to date you, but make sure he knows you still would like to continue dating? Anything is possible.
Why would he want to date a cheater? He hit it and quit it because he has no respect for the OP. "If she would cheat with me, she would cheat on me" is exactly what he thinks of her.
Why would he want to date a cheater? He hit it and quit it because he has no respect for the OP. "If she would cheat with me, she would cheat on me" is exactly what he thinks of her.
There's no question that she did the wrong thing morally in cheating on her boyfriend and I don't dispute that for a second. What's significant about the coworker's behavior though is that as soon as the OP did break up with her boyfriend (and at least she did do the right thing there and apparently as soon as she allowed the relationship with the coworker to go much further) the guy just dropped her. Says more about him than her in my opinion. She made a mistake in allowing her fantasy to override reality and needs for her own sake to see him for what he is and take the rose-colored glasses off. It's her self-esteem which needs to be addressed and I really don't think she either needs or deserves to be automatically lectured on the "you made your bed so lie in it" mantra to the tune of defending the coworker's complicity in treating her like a bag of dung.
I'm sure that you (like most of us) have made similar mistakes and aren't the paragon of virtue in this respect. I'm all for lambasting someone who acts churlishly but the OP is looking for something constructive by coming onto a forum.
There's no question that she did the wrong thing morally in cheating on her boyfriend and I don't dispute that for a second. What's significant about the coworker's behavior though is that as soon as the OP did break up with her boyfriend (and at least she did do the right thing there and apparently as soon as she allowed the relationship with the coworker to go much further) the guy just dropped her. Says more about him than her in my opinion. She made a mistake in allowing her fantasy to override reality and needs for her own sake to see him for what he is and take the rose-colored glasses off. It's her self-esteem which needs to be addressed and I really don't think she either needs or deserves to be automatically lectured on the "you made your bed so lie in it" mantra to the tune of defending the coworker's complicity in treating her like a bag of dung.
I'm sure that you (like most of us) have made similar mistakes and aren't the paragon of virtue in this respect. I'm all for lambasting someone who acts churlishly but the OP is looking for something constructive by coming onto a forum.
Well let's just say that I don't believe the spin in the OP's story. When cheaters tell their tale of infidelity, they spin it in such a way to do the least damage to their own reputation. You believe it, I don't, so we have differing points of view and that isn't going to change unless we hear from the co-worker himself.
There's no question that she did the wrong thing morally in cheating on her boyfriend and I don't dispute that for a second. What's significant about the coworker's behavior though is that as soon as the OP did break up with her boyfriend (and at least she did do the right thing there and apparently as soon as she allowed the relationship with the coworker to go much further) the guy just dropped her. Says more about him than her in my opinion. She made a mistake in allowing her fantasy to override reality and needs for her own sake to see him for what he is and take the rose-colored glasses off. It's her self-esteem which needs to be addressed and I really don't think she either needs or deserves to be automatically lectured on the "you made your bed so lie in it" mantra to the tune of defending the coworker's complicity in treating her like a bag of dung.
I'm sure that you (like most of us) have made similar mistakes and aren't the paragon of virtue in this respect. I'm all for lambasting someone who acts churlishly but the OP is looking for something constructive by coming onto a forum.
I second this post. I think it's a great learning experience for this person and that she dodged a bullet. She wasn't married, so maybe this affair is exactly what she needed to get her out of what would have been a doomed marriage. There's usually more to a story than any of us presents. She came here asking for advice on how to make the most of a bad situation, so as decent posters, it's only fair that he offer her something positive. We all make mistakes, so let's not judge.
For the record, I have an ex who I WISHED I had cheated on with a guy I really liked. I had the opportunity and should have taken it - that relationship was doomed, but I tried to do the honorable thing by not cheating. I so regret that! Wanting to cheat on him was a sign that I was in the wrong relationship, but I didn't realize that I wanted to cheat because I didn't love him. When I was in love with my last ex, I had no desire to cheat on him. Live and learn.
You had a perfectly fine b.f, why would you drop him for some office romance, especially if you were questioning how it would work with him having kids.
See, I think perhaps this is why some guys have a hard time trusting women in geneeral. As the OP, they act strictly based on their emotions, and never really bother with logic and common sense. The problem with this, is that women are very emotional creatures and their emotions are very volitile as well, which in turn makes them very unpredictable.
You had a perfectly fine b.f, why would you drop him for some office romance, especially if you were questioning how it would work with him having kids.
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Originally Posted by behindthescreen
So now that you scratched your ITCH, when are you getting back with your EX?
Are you waiting for him to desperately "win" you back by wining and dining you and promise he will be a better bf?
If one of you could point out where the OP said she wanted to get back with her ex boyfriend I'd certainly appreciate that as I see nothing to indicate that at all. In fact, she said, "My family and friends think that I am hurting over my recently ended relationship, but I am not."
I'm sure glad all you people being nasty to the OP never made any mistakes or stupid choices. OP, this is why I always say greener grass is fertilized by bullsh*t. Unfortunately you made a lot of bad choices here and now you are dealing with the consequences. Consider this man for nothing but professional purposes from now on. It won't be easy, especially since you still want him. In time it will get easier, though. And, please, if he starts acting interested again, don't go there. As for the ex, let him be. You need some time to figure out yourself and reflect on why you made these choices and how to learn from them anyway.
Probably not good. But you see how women have all these rules that can be conveniently forgotten when the right guy makes them feel good. In the OP's case she wasn't too keen on getting involved with a man with children but...
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