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Ill give you a little backround first and if I could get some advice it would be nice.
First Ive posted on here a couple of times about how Im new to the area and dont know anyone so the dating is kinda tough. So I thought Id try the online thing and see how it goes. So I met this girl went out a couple times kinda liked her thought things were going well. So a couple nights ago we were at my house watching a movie and she gets a text from her friend.
I tell you a little about her friend. Very pretty girl. She does have a habit of dressing we'll say pretty revealing when she goes out. She's the type of girl that flirts with guys to get free drinks. Ive hung out with her and the girl Im kinda dating only twice but both times Ive seen her do this and joke about it. I wouldnt say the girl is easy but she kinda is for the right guy if you know what I mean. Both times we have hung out she's gone home with a guy and had a one night stand which is none of my business but the girl Im dating told me.
So back to the other night. So her friend texts her and says she met this guys at a bar and was going back to their hotel with them to smoke weed. So the girl Im dating shows me the text and was like she is such a hoochie and I said you should tell her to be careful because that sounds like trouble. So a little while goes by and she gets another text from her friend saying that she's kinda creeped out and just wanted to smoke but the guys keep asking to hook up and touching her like smacking her ass.
So I tell the girl Im with to ask where the hotel is. Which she does and I call them and ask to send a security guard up there to get her friend. Which turned out to be good cuz she asked to leave the room and the guys wouldnt let her. So we drive down there to pick her up. Which we do and take the girl home and I kinda kept quiet and let them talk.
So earlier tonight we were talking about it and I kinda said she has to talk to her friend because she is kinda asking for it. And she was like what is that suppose to mean and I said she could have been raped. And she was like thats her fault. And I said kinda. So then she blows up and says its disgusting that I think like that and she cant be with someone like that. And says she doesnt want to date any more.
So I thought that was a pretty stupid reason and that it would have to be something else. I mean I could have worded what I said better but to not wanna see me any more just doesnt make sense. And I dont think what I said was that bad. I dont think any one should be raped but you have to look at the situation the girl put herself in.
Basically what Im asking is what I said that bad or do you think maybe she just wasnt in to me and kinda took that as a way out. We didnt have sex just kissed and hung out about 5 times and talked almost everyday for a month. Let me know.......
You did nothing wrong. I totally understood the context. She appears to be the argumentative type. But this is coming from a person with a very, very low tolerance for that.
This all started with alcohol - one of the worst drugs out there.
You're fixing a broken doorway in your home and the header falls on your head and gives you a concussion. Is it your fault?
Also, part of getting to know someone is getting to know what their sensibilities are. If I were to go out on a date with someone who insisted on eating huge, bloody steaks with me, then I would initiate a break up, not because the meat-eater is a bad person for eating meat, but because the meat-eater isn't sensitive to what I care about as an ethical vegetarian. Simple incompatibility; not necessarily anything anyone did wrong.
You're fixing a broken doorway in your home and the header falls on your head and gives you a concussion. Is it your fault?
Also, part of getting to know someone is getting to know what their sensibilities are. If I were to go out on a date with someone who insisted on eating huge, bloody steaks with me, then I would initiate a break up, not because the meat-eater is a bad person for eating meat, but because the meat-eater isn't sensitive to what I care about as an ethical vegetarian. Simple incompatibility; not necessarily anything anyone did wrong.
Fixing a broken doorway? Thats the same as going to a hotel room to do drugs with someone you just met???????
If it wasn't a fair comparison, I wouldn't have posted it. Trying to avoid its ramifications by claiming it isn't a fair comparison would indicate a reluctance to admit the reason why the OP was dumped. You can choose to see the relative culpability differently, but your discretion in that regard has no privilege; other reasonable people can assess the culpability differently from you. If you don't respect the woman you're with even that much, then better to part ways.
Quote:
Originally Posted by John13
She was impaired by alcohol and going with strangers to a hotel to smoke pot.
And in the example I provided, the person was trying to repair a doorway without adequate experience in construction. Both examples had risk, but neither example had "fault".
Quote:
Originally Posted by steve1282
Fixing a broken doorway? Thats the same as going to a hotel room to do drugs with someone you just met???????
Reasonable people, like the woman who dumped you, would see it that way, at least with regard to culpability. Which is the point: You see things differently: Be glad you were dumped.
Ill give you a little backround first and if I could get some advice it would be nice.
First Ive posted on here a couple of times about how Im new to the area and dont know anyone so the dating is kinda tough. So I thought Id try the online thing and see how it goes. So I met this girl went out a couple times kinda liked her thought things were going well. So a couple nights ago we were at my house watching a movie and she gets a text from her friend.
I tell you a little about her friend. Very pretty girl. She does have a habit of dressing we'll say pretty revealing when she goes out. She's the type of girl that flirts with guys to get free drinks. Ive hung out with her and the girl Im kinda dating only twice but both times Ive seen her do this and joke about it. I wouldnt say the girl is easy but she kinda is for the right guy if you know what I mean. Both times we have hung out she's gone home with a guy and had a one night stand which is none of my business but the girl Im dating told me.
So back to the other night. So her friend texts her and says she met this guys at a bar and was going back to their hotel with them to smoke weed. So the girl Im dating shows me the text and was like she is such a hoochie and I said you should tell her to be careful because that sounds like trouble. So a little while goes by and she gets another text from her friend saying that she's kinda creeped out and just wanted to smoke but the guys keep asking to hook up and touching her like smacking her ass.
So I tell the girl Im with to ask where the hotel is. Which she does and I call them and ask to send a security guard up there to get her friend. Which turned out to be good cuz she asked to leave the room and the guys wouldnt let her. So we drive down there to pick her up. Which we do and take the girl home and I kinda kept quiet and let them talk.
So earlier tonight we were talking about it and I kinda said she has to talk to her friend because she is kinda asking for it. And she was like what is that suppose to mean and I said she could have been raped. And she was like thats her fault. And I said kinda. So then she blows up and says its disgusting that I think like that and she cant be with someone like that. And says she doesnt want to date any more.
So I thought that was a pretty stupid reason and that it would have to be something else. I mean I could have worded what I said better but to not wanna see me any more just doesnt make sense. And I dont think what I said was that bad. I dont think any one should be raped but you have to look at the situation the girl put herself in.
Basically what Im asking is what I said that bad or do you think maybe she just wasnt in to me and kinda took that as a way out. We didnt have sex just kissed and hung out about 5 times and talked almost everyday for a month. Let me know.......
I wouldnt worry you didnt say anything wrong. the girls friend wasnt being responsible and you pointed that out anyone with half a brain could see that something bad was going to happen to her if she carried on like this......thanks to you and your advice she didnt get raped or worse so i think the girl you were dating was looking for an excuse and you provided one.
keep looking you'll find a nice girl who wont be looking for a stupid excuse to end things.
It's a dumb reason for her to break up with you, but you're probably better off. Sounds like her friend doesn't know how to make good decisions and you'd probably end up having to bail her out again.
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