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Old 01-27-2013, 03:24 PM
 
7 posts, read 8,353 times
Reputation: 22

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I met this guy online and we hit it off right away. We would email each other nonstop for about a week then he asked for my number. I gave it to him and a few days after we had our first date. He was quite the gentleman opening doors for me and buying dinner. To be nice and to make things even I bought tickets to see a movie after dinner. We went back to my house and saw another movie and he kissed me. We basically made out heavily during the movie and then he went home. He did state that he liked me and found me attractive however the next day I didnt hear from him. We talked every other day the next week and then he invited me over to his house. We counted that time as our 2nd date but we had sex (protected of course). This is the 2nd time I've had sex and I told him that. The next day I didn't hear from him. I didnt hear from him until Tuesday and then nothing for the rest of the week. I told my co-workers what was going on and one of the girls told me to just straight up tell him how I felt. I told him that I was interested in being in a relationship with him and that I dont want to played. I guess now he thinks I'm a psycho stalker or something but I'm really not. He told me that the reason he hasn't been talking is because he's been busy at work and been having some problems with his family. He's also depressed because his mom passed away a few months back. He asked if "this was how I was gonna be" basically saying if I'm a drama queen, I'm really not but since we had sex I just wanted to know where we stood in this "relationship". I tried apologizing but he said now isn't a good time to forgive me.

Now I know that's he's depressed but why get on a dating site and even state that no one should talk to him if they dont know what they want. I personally dont think he knows what he wants because of where his mind is at the moment. I really do like him and I care about what he's going through. I haven't contacted him since (its only been a couple of days) and I'll let him come to me I guess but what should I say if he does start talking to me again?

Here are a couple of facts:
1) I'm 22 and he's 27 - maybe I'm just being naive about the whole situation
2) I'm black and he's white - I'm into white guys and he's into black and hispanics
3) Even though he wasn't talking to me he would still be on the dating site (the people you emailed on there their name shows up that they're online at that time). We're not official so I dont mind him talking to other girls but since we did have sex I just feel blown off. It makes me wonder who else is he having sex with on the 2nd date.
4) He told me he's been cheated on in countless occasions. I've been played on countless occasions so maybe there's a trust issue?

I dont know what to do...please help me so for future reference I dont do this again.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:30 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,289 posts, read 5,753,070 times
Reputation: 5279
Booty call, he got what he wanted, so, he has moved on to his next new 2nd date...would imagine that you were/are one of many.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:37 PM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,524,645 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by cbm90 View Post
He asked if "this was how I was gonna be" basically saying if I'm a drama queen, I'm really not but since we had sex I just wanted to know where we stood in this "relationship". I tried apologizing but he said now isn't a good time to forgive me.
If you want more than a casual sexual relationship, you need to make sure that you're both on the same page BEFORE you have sex with him.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:39 PM
 
Location: West Los Angeles
1,338 posts, read 2,008,493 times
Reputation: 1063
I doubt he thinks you're a psycho stalker, but I think that's he's going to need a little time. He's probably still exploring his options and you're one of them. I don't think he's "playing you", just that he's clearly not madly in love with you.
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Old 01-27-2013, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Ohio
177 posts, read 301,685 times
Reputation: 172
Let me just tell you that none of this is your fault. You gave your body to him its your right to want to know where you guys stand in your relationship. I'm glad you asked instead of going crazy with worries and wonders.

A man that is really into you will find some time to talk to you or at least text. I kind of agree with the one poster who said he already got what he wanted from you. On the other hand I can understand family problems as well. Just give him a little more time and if he's still acting standoffish then move on. Nobody has time for that.

if he contacts you again just tell him your there for him
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Old 01-27-2013, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,558,485 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by cbm90 View Post
I personally dont think he knows what he wants because of where his mind is at the moment.
He does know what he wants, and he got it. He was intently pursuing you to achieve a goal, and once he achieved that goal he let up.
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Old 01-27-2013, 04:02 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,847 posts, read 52,247,919 times
Reputation: 52309
Sounds like he's some wanna be player type.

Move on, would probably be the best bet.
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Old 01-27-2013, 04:40 PM
 
Location: New Haven, CT
1,030 posts, read 4,253,897 times
Reputation: 917
You probably got used.

You jumped on the sex thing way too fast.. Isnt entirely your fault though it happens...

From a guys general point of view. Once the sex has happened, theres no point in getting to know the person any more than they already do....unless the guy actually likes the girl.

he threw a "pity party" and it got the best of you. Next time dont be so open with emotions and all the personal problems, that comes when a relationship has actually developed. If a dude starts down talking himself "oh im really really sad" "my life sucks" anything to make you feel bad for him.....just forget that dude, get away....or just dont jump on the sex thing so fast.

Last edited by NewHavensFinest; 01-27-2013 at 04:53 PM..
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Old 01-27-2013, 04:45 PM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,008,344 times
Reputation: 12818
Lesson learned the hard way....

Don't sleep with someone so quickly. He got what he wanted from you and has moved on.

The job and family BS is just that...BS. He might actually have issues going on at work or with his family, but if he was REALLY into you he'd still find a way contact you.

And I leave you with my favorite quote:

If it's important to you, you'll find a way.
If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

He found an excuse.
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Old 01-27-2013, 04:48 PM
 
Location: So Cal
51,847 posts, read 52,247,919 times
Reputation: 52309
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
Lesson learned the hard way....

Don't sleep with someone so quickly. He got what he wanted from you and has moved on.

The job and family BS is just that...BS. He might actually have issues going on at work or with his family, but if he was REALLY into you he'd still find a way contact you.

And I leave you with my favorite quote:

If it's important to you, you'll find a way.
If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

He found an excuse.
I agree.

I even add, if you want a relationship, and you wanna find a good guy, don't give up the booty for a good while.

That will weed out the creeps....

Sounds old fashioned, but sometimes the old people just know what they's be talking about....
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