At a bar listening to peoples' relationship problems (guy, love, advice)

[RazorRob305]

I am naturally a person who likes knowing about other people,and thier situations in life. I find myself going to bars a lot by myself and I end up talking to lots of people all the time. I enjoy the conversations, but after years and years of being this way, I realize that nobody knows me or my situation/issues. I'm the type of guy that people naturally feel they can share things with as I absorb it, but they never ask too much about me. I feel alone and like nobody even cares sometimes. I give off a nice vibe and friendly vibe to people, but I hear their stories sometimes and wish they would listen to my advice, but as soon as I start speaking about my experiences to help them, they always cut me off because they assume my issues aren't as big. At that point I always say, "If they only knew, or spent time listening to the advice I was just about to tell them". I just think people do this because they are dealing with things and need to vent. Too bad that people like me can't vent though. People like me, naturally want to help other people, and lots of times people take advantage of that and we hardly ever get to vent or share our story. Anyone else feel this way?

[UrbanAdventurer]

Well, expecting strangers to care is maybe asking a little much. You probably enjoy chatting with new faces and like to test your conversational skills in "battle", so to speak. I get it - I'm sort of that guy myself. Most people head to the bar with friends and possibly aren't prepared (or interested) in interacting with people they don't know. With that, you possibly need a bit more of a blasé attitude about chatting with people at martini hour. If they like me, they like me. If they don't, I still like me and that's much more important.

[RazorRob305]

Originally Posted by UrbanAdventurer

Well, expecting strangers to care is maybe asking a little much. You probably enjoy chatting with new faces and like to test your conversational skills in "battle", so to speak. I get it - I'm sort of that guy myself. Most people head to the bar with friends and possibly aren't prepared (or interested) in interacting with people they don't know. With that, you possibly need a bit more of a blasé attitude about chatting with people at martini hour. If they like me, they like me. If they don't, I still like me and that's much more important.

I totally agree with you. I have no problem usually being out and getting to know people. It's natural for me, and I'm sure for you it is too. I guess I just hit a point tonight where I realize that most people aren't the absorbing types, you know the types that take it all in? I am. It's a normal thing for me to conversate in public, but I just looked back all these years and realized, "Who tha hell knows anything whatsoever about me?". No wonder nobody hangs out with me...lol...They never ask about anything. I realize people vent things out all the time. I'm good with that because I'm a taker of knowledge, experience, or anything that gives me insight on this life. I just realize maybe people are taking advantage of us giving type of people and this is why we remain alone and don't progress in life socially. Maybe we care too damn much or something...lol...I don't know if u understand.

[ImCurlybelle]

The 'gift of gab' ... either you have it, or you don't

I love it ...

[mainebrokerman]

I once read- the most important subject of strangers, is themselves

Very few people are good listeners- you learn more by listening, than talking, and if its a lady you might be interested in,,,let her talk, she will divulge alot of info about her,,red flags may go up in a hurry, and it might save some heart ache or frustrations down the road.

You actually can judge alot from others, by the words they use, how they frame the conversation,,by if, they are throwing mud everywhere (and they are ALWAYS the victim)

so, keep being the listener- you will have an edge, if you come across a lady you might like.

as for the loud idiots, who brag about themselves, or are totally arrogant,,just excuse yourself to the restroom..and sit somewhere else,,,dont waste your time, and they will get the hint

[iknowftbll]

You hang out at bars. Some people turn into motor mouths when they've had a few drinks. Few people excel in listening compared to those who excel in talking about themselves. If it frustrates you, perhaps a change of venues is appropriate. Maybe there is a book club in your area that you can join, assuming you are an avid enough reader. Maybe even start attending AA meetings, where people are looking to improve. You will still be expected to listen, but you may have a chance to share your own experiences as well. Now I recommend this ONLY if you are as genuine as you claim to be. Do not go to AA meetings to take advantage of people. Don't go to wow them with how wise you are. Go to listen and support. In that setting you are more likely to have someone ask for your story. Lastly don't get upset over people who won't listen to or take your advice. Especially strangers you just met while sitting on a bar stool. If I took the advice of every stranger I met while sitting on a bar stool, God only knows where I'd be today. People don't go to bars for life changing advice. They go for a buzz or all-out blitz. Don't be offended if they are just getting what they came there to get.

[Djuna]

You're hanging out in bars where probably most people are drunk. I don't know what you expect out of that really. You're being a bit unrealistic.

[Raena77]

What are your issues?

[intelfan11315]

I don't listen to sob stories, and if someone tries to talk to me about their problems I do what I can to walk away. Sob story people bug me.

[GINGERSNAP1963]

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

You hang out at bars. Some people turn into motor mouths when they've had a few drinks. Few people excel in listening compared to those who excel in talking about themselves. If it frustrates you, perhaps a change of venues is appropriate. Maybe there is a book club in your area that you can join, assuming you are an avid enough reader. Maybe even start attending AA meetings, where people are looking to improve. You will still be expected to listen, but you may have a chance to share your own experiences as well. Now I recommend this ONLY if you are as genuine as you claim to be. Do not go to AA meetings to take advantage of people. Don't go to wow them with how wise you are. Go to listen and support. In that setting you are more likely to have someone ask for your story. Lastly don't get upset over people who won't listen to or take your advice. Especially strangers you just met while sitting on a bar stool. If I took the advice of every stranger I met while sitting on a bar stool, God only knows where I'd be today. People don't go to bars for life changing advice. They go for a buzz or all-out blitz. Don't be offended if they are just getting what they came there to get.

Yeah, what he said. But also I wanted to add that you might want to change out, not delete, just put some in the closet for a time, your regular friends, (not bar folks)while you find friends that are not so self-absorbed. You sound rather frustrated so let me offer up our ears here on this forum. Start venting where you can be anonymous.