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I agree with selnor's post.
And one more thing for you to consider, OP: a location change isn't the key to happiness. It seems you have fixated on this move, thinking that once you get to FL you will finally be happy. Probably not. You will still be you and your husband will still be the same man. Your children will be the same. A happy person can be happy in almost any location.
Supposedly it's about the weather and to a certain degree money. I've heard what people pay in property taxes up North and can't believe my ears. That's becoming less of a factor these days after hurricanes have done there damage in recent years and insuring a FL home is going through the roof. What I don't understand is people coming here and settling smack dab in the middle of the state.
My own thought is that it's where New Yorkers go to die.
I would think the location could be an important factor for anyone. There are some people that are more affected by the weather than others but it will drag on even the most stalwart psyche given time. I see this fairly often in Puget Sound where people will move into the area and really like it but eventually want to and do leave because all the dreary days have added up and they simply tire of it.
Saying that if you loved someone enough you would be willing to accept any weather just doesn't hold water to me as a universal truth because it doesn't jive with what I see in those around me. Every long term relationship no matter how loving eventually devolves into the fundamentals of living day to day. Those things that seem acceptable in the glow of new love often enough become deal breakers given time. Cute peculiarities become annoying habits. I don't think this is a secret to anyone who has been in a long term relationship. Getting past these things usually involves compromises and some will be made by both partners or at least they will be if they hope to continue as partners and that is where this relationship is failing.
No matter how you slice it from the side of the story we have she wanted to move before the marriage and was promised one soon after. While we all recognize that sometimes you make a promise you cannot keep because of events beyond your control that is not the case here. In my mind when you make a promise there is an expectation that it be kept and her expectation that he keep his is not unreasonable to me. I would question is if he ever actually wanted to move to Florida at all because I'm thinking if he did it would have already happened given the ten years passed since the promise was made. Regardless of if he never wanted to move there or no longer does now what is clear is that he has chosen moving to Florida with the OP as being the greater of two evils when compared to divorce. That says a lot and it appears to me that the compromise that two loving people would make that allows them to remain together is not possible as things stand now. IMO this relationship has died and the move is only the argument that has brought its corpse to light.
To the OP, I urge you to consider counseling as a couple. No one here is an accredited counselor who has heard both sides of the complete story and understands the issues involved. Of those I know in the real world I have seen marriage counseling fail but I have also seen it succeed when both partners went into it trying. You, your husband, your children, you all owe it to yourselves to get the help of an unbiased professional who has the skills and training to possibly lead you out of the place you are now. Good luck.
Sorry but I think you have to suck it up and stay put. Divorcing makes no sense in this situation, as you would likely end up raising your children alone and in poverty.
Quote:
Originally Posted by selnor
As a SAHM with 4 little ones financial security is #1 priority
I agree.
You're justified in being upset at your husband. However, if you think you're miserable now, wait until you're living off child support (which is never enough, even if he pays it) and are responsible for absolutely everything in your home. No help, hardly ever a break. Also, remember how unlikely you are to find a new relationship any time soon, with four small children.
Wow i had a similar story. My wife wanted to move to a place that i did not want to live and she did not like where i want to live... We compromise and decided to buy a house where she wants to live and build a house where i want to live...then when we retire, we would spend half the year at each place.... And this works out as she wants to live up north (summer months) and i want to live down south (winter months)....
Hi!
Well, boy can I relate to this problem---except, I'm much older. My husband and I have been married for 28 almost 29 years. We have raised 2 boys. Our oldest son is an RN and doing very well in all areas of his life right now. Our youngest son is now on his 5th year of high school and still struggling. My husband retired from the military and has earned a pension. But, we are unable (at this time) to live only on his pension.
My husband accepted a teaching position at a high school in Colorado. (We are from Arizona). We had to move to Colorado. My youngest son was excited about the move and new start in a new place. There has been a lot of good that came from the move as my husband and I are getting out of debt and our youngest son is getting thru high school. (He has a learning disability and is struggling so much with algebra---but, I think there is light at the end of the tunnel and he'll graduate in May 2014. Fingers still crossed. So, my husband and son are pretty comfortable here and I would say happy and content. I, on the otherhand, am not. In fact, I hate it here and only want to move back home to Arizona. I cried all the way to Colorado. And, had that "knot" in the pit of my stomach as I did not want to move away from home. But, there was no choice when financially it was a "have to" situation.
I understand the emotional pain of being unhappy about living somewhere that you just don't want to be. But, you need to financially prepare to live where you want to ultimately live. You can't (even though your frustrated) make ultamatums (spelling?) when you don't have the finances to support those ultamatums. I would suggest starting to build up a separate "future move to Fl" savings account. You have 4 children to support and to think of their well being first. Start putting what you can into this savings account. Your husband may laugh at first---but, he will see that this savings account means that you are serious about moving back to Florida. With 4 children, you must have a huge safety net of money in this savings account in case your husband's new job does not work out for whatever reason. We have a "future move to AZ" savings account. I know it will be a few more years before I can move back to my home. But, it's exciting to save towards that future goal. It gives me hope! Best wishes to you!
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