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You only knew each other for six months, and you insisted to see a counselor?
You have to be careful with words, how you frame, things, words are used as weapons, sometimes you think you are using a bb gun to make a point, but the person, takes it,,as you just shot a cannon at them... shuts down, or puts a big wall up- some are real good at isolating others, tearing them down..
"without seeing a therapist, im going to take a break from you" that, is a very controlling statement
gee, I dont see how she thought that was an ultimatum??
maybe she does have issues, but who doesnt?? and you demanded she see a counselor, and you be there??
in a clinical sense, you may have had good intentions, but to see a counselor in front of someone else, you've only known for 6 months?? we all are wounded in some ways, and it's the counselor job to ask questions, of why
I wouldn't want to puke up any scars i have in front of someone I've only known for 6 months-
Looking back to my youth, some things I did back then would throw up major red flags- but seemed innocent at the time.
relationships are like a two sided mirror, you point to someone elses "faults" and issues, don't be exempting your own.
if you "love" this girl ... make her feel secure, not threatened- often people act, how they are treated
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,526,495 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman
You only knew each other for six months, and you insisted to see a counselor?
You have to be careful with words, how you frame, things, words are used as weapons, sometimes you think you are using a bb gun to make a point, but the person, takes it,,as you just shot a cannon at them... shuts down, or puts a big wall up- some are real good at isolating others, tearing them down..
"without seeing a therapist, im going to take a break from you" that, is a very controlling statement
gee, I dont see how she thought that was an ultimatum??
maybe she does have issues, but who doesnt?? and you demanded she see a counselor, and you be there??
in a clinical sense, you may have had good intentions, but to see a counselor in front of someone else, you've only known for 6 months?? we all are wounded in some ways, and it's the counselor job to ask questions, of why
I wouldn't want to puke up any scars i have in front of someone I've only known for 6 months-
Looking back to my youth, some things I did back then would throw up major red flags- but seemed innocent at the time.
relationships are like a two sided mirror, you point to someone elses "faults" and issues, don't be exempting your own.
if you "love" this girl ... make her feel secure, not threatened- often people act, how they are treated
Counselor last night, told me, that 1/2 the couples, she sees, for the 1st time, have only known each other from 6 to 8 months.
I've posted about this situation before, but, I just want to make sure, that I'm not totally crazy, since it's so bizarre.
Long story as short as possible. Ex GF, has a lot of anger issues, especially when she's drinking (even though she did show some improvement on that part). In one last stab to save our relationship, since the differences were really something I didn't feel we could fix on our own (only knew each other for 6 months, but it seemed more like 6 years and we fell in love), I said, without seeing a therapist, even if it's not mine, together, at least 1 time, I said, then I'm taking a complete break from you, until, I can control, not wanting to be more than your friend, which could me a few months or more, again key word: Control.
She thought that was an ultimatum last night and just said, "I'll deal with the consequences".
I thought, if she really was serious about us and loved me, she would have said yes to that, even if it was just one time and the therapist/mediator just told us in the end to cut our losses.
I thought, there was nothing unreasonable about that. I didn't feel that, at the point where we were, that we wouldn't have just spun around in circles, on our own, trying to come to an agreement, on differences, to save to love and relationship part of it.
One of the downfalls, even though, she didn't say it directly, was, she basically wanted me to give up a team sport I have a passion for and I've played for almost 35 years.
She was, indirectly, it was a "sport for teenagers" and "I need a man", but yet, her last text for me was a photo of her privates telling me "I hope you m******te! Last contact ever from me!"
If that's not teenage and juvenile, I'm not sure what is.
Thoughts? Was this an unreasonable ultimatum on my part?"
While there may be some who think that you're dead in the water, if you're seeing a shrink 6 months into things, but, we were still in love, so if 2 people, who aren't in love, want to see a therapist or mediator, 3 years after knowing each other, that's ok (time doesn't have much to do with it, IMO)?
I would run away form this.... Clearly the two of you have problems. If you force her to change then you will always be the bad guy no matter if this change saves her life. It will always be held against you.
You tried an ultimatum, it didn't work...move on. You both sound a bit dramatic and immature. I would say to you to get counseling for yourself, you cannot control other people...and you shouldn't be trying to. Heal yourself so that your next relationship can be healthy.
Last edited by JanND; 03-01-2013 at 03:16 PM..
Reason: edit text
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,526,495 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
You tried an ultimatum, it didn't work...move on. You both sound a bit dramatic and immature. I would say to you to get counseling for yourself, you cannot control other people...and you shouldn't be trying to. Heal yourself so that your next relationship can be healthy.
Already am in therapy. I least I faced my issues head on. Unlike her.
You're a better man than I. I would've grabbed a bottle and headed straight for her place and put it to her.
Wow
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