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First, are you SURE you even have her real last name? You said you only exchanged a few e-mails. I'd never give out my last name and if pressed I'd make something up. No need for some random dating site person to have that information before I met them in person. If I met them and decided they weren't nuts then I'd share but not before
I understand most people's trepidation when it comes to meeting strangers, but I work for myself so I'm used to meeting people all the time. In fact, still wish I had that same anxiety because everything feels so much like business these days. Any apprehension I might have had has been put through the rinse cycle by virtue of the fact that I am forced to meet people or I can't have a living. I also do have enough information that matches what she told me, including the sister being a doctor and a picture of my prospective date on her sister's website. You have to be a pretty sneaky person to set up fake Linkedin accounts, and even fake Facebook accounts for a fake sister if you're trying to scam.
I may be in the minority here, but I think that giving people a far chance and being open minded is the right way to approach this situation.
Not many of us live a perfect, squeaky clean life....In fact, none of us.
I don't disagree at all. Lots of people make bad decisions. But there are bad decisions, and really, really bad decisions that affect you the rest of your life.
I once read a book called "The Millionaire Mind", which was the sequel to "The Millionaire Next Door". Great book about the next level of wealth - the 8 figure wealthy and up. There were interesting sections about their habits and one of those sections detailed how they are very selective when it comes to picking a spouse. I don't have 8 figures, but I have always been this way with dating and relationships but that has more to do with the way I was raised than anything else.
My biggest fear is the alcoholic/substance abuser angle. I have friends in this category and I love them to death, but they are sometimes flaky, unreliable and will lie to your face. I tend to keep people like this at arm's length. For friends, I can handle a flaky person. But when it comes to my inner circle, I don't need that kind of thing around me.
I typically like flaky women when it comes to personality type, but there is a difference between women who are "fun-flaky" and those who are flaky in how they handle their daily lives.
Not sure where you live, but I'm confused as to how someone can be "underemployed" while earning anything close to $150K. Did she "exaggerate" her income or did she just tell a big fat whopping LIE about it?
Obvious exaggeration. I don't want to share what she does, but if she cracks $30k she is going to be lucky. I don't really care about either the income or the exaggeration. I do care about the potential golddigger aspect.
To me, these cons are pretty much all deal breakers, except the underemployed.
Sounds like you are dealing with a SHADY person here.
Ok ok, a lot of people drink and drive. So not a total deal breaker, as long as she learned her lesson.
And the 150K/year, I think most people lie about income, especially online.
But the other stuff, and the fact that she IS busted lieing, makes for a horrible start for a relationship.
On the other hand, you digging as hard as you did would turn me off somewhat, but such digging wont uncover anything on me. Where as your digging found some pretty big issues in this person.
Also, Im so glad someone mentioned the Saturday night thing. I dated someone who completely didnt understand that concept.
Honestly, I think that's an issue of personal style. If you met through normal circumstances, I wouldn't feel so compelled to screen someone because I would have family, friends or coworkers to rely on to give me the scoop. Meeting someone from the internet has none of that comfort level, so I don't feel bad about screening people at all.
Drinking and driving doesn't bother me. God knows how many times over the years I would have been considered legally drunk. But for the grace of God, I was never caught. But when someone also tells me they don't drink? The potential substance abuse problem light flips on.
The previous poster had it right. You can tell a lot about people in person. It's also good to be armed with information ... as Reagan used to say about the Russians: Trust but verify.
To me, these cons are pretty much all deal breakers, except the underemployed.
Sounds like you are dealing with a SHADY person here.
Ok ok, a lot of people drink and drive. So not a total deal breaker, as long as she learned her lesson.
And the 150K/year, I think most people lie about income, especially online.
But the other stuff, and the fact that she IS busted lieing, makes for a horrible start for a relationship.
On the other hand, you digging as hard as you did would turn me off somewhat, but such digging wont uncover anything on me. Where as your digging found some pretty big issues in this person.
Also, Im so glad someone mentioned the Saturday night thing. I dated someone who completely didnt understand that concept.
Honestly, I think that's an issue of personal style. If you met through normal circumstances, I wouldn't feel so compelled to screen someone because I would have family, friends or coworkers to rely on to give me the scoop. Meeting someone from the internet has none of that comfort level, so I don't feel bad about screening people at all.
Drinking and driving doesn't bother me. God knows how many times over the years I would have been considered legally drunk. But for the grace of God, I was never caught. But when someone also tells me they don't drink? The potential substance abuse problem light flips on.
The previous poster had it right. You can tell a lot about people in person. It's also good to be armed with information ... as Reagan used to say about the Russians: Trust but verify.
Obvious exaggeration. I don't want to share what she does, but if she cracks $30k she is going to be lucky. I don't really care about either the income or the exaggeration. I do care about the potential golddigger aspect.
I'd rather someone just not list their income than lie about it.
Beacon of Truth said [/quote]My biggest fear is the alcoholic/substance abuser angle. I have friends in this category and I love them to death, but they are sometimes flaky, unreliable and will lie to your face. I tend to keep people like this at arm's length. For friends, I can handle a flaky person. But when it comes to my inner circle, I don't need that kind of thing around me.
I typically like flaky women when it comes to personality type, but there is a difference between women who are "fun-flaky" and those who are flaky in how they handle their daily lives.[/quote]
I was seriously worried about that too. My heart goes out to people with substance abuse problems but I also keep them at arms length due to some of the drama that can unfold. If it is not your gift to deal with such individuals than you certainly shoudn't date one, let alone marry one. Yet some people can handle a spouse with those special needs.
I dated a man who was a reformed, and had been for over 15 years, alcoholic. The thought never crossed my mind that he would slip back into it but I do like to go out for drinks sometimes and we were just not compatiable. Now he was an exception to the general rule of a lot of drama with substance abusers, he had no drama and was a wonderful human being. I ended up marrying someone else so it was never meant to be anyway.
I wouldn't put stock in anything someone puts on a internet dating site. Go out and have a good time. You're not putting a ring on her finger. Get to know her in person. If she is what she says she is, great. If not, you're out dinner not a house, kids...
The cons are all similarly themed. I would say NO. Gross misrepresentation of income means you have a liar on your hands.
Could be, but we'll see how things work out tomorrow.
I sometimes misrepresent things on my profiles, but it's more from the standpoint of dialing things down from where they actually are. Income I never answer.
I have mixed feelings on this issue of money. On one hand, it "might" be an indicator of intelligence and success and the kind of high-level person someone wants. On the other hand, someone making $40k or $50k with a graduate degree working in social work can also have some of those same attributes but isn't in a field that compensates well.
This is my gut reaction based on just what I know. She has lived in the upscale areas of town, probably had the looks when younger (still cute) trying to attach herself to someone professional and who makes good coin, but doesn't have a pot to **** in. If she had spent her younger years focussing on her career instead of positioning herself to ride someone else's coattails, she might have been better off. Just an educated guess based on all the poser debutantes I've known over the years.
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