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One of my exes got scammed by a woman just like this. Like you OP, my ex was insecure about his looks and fearful of being alone so he met this woman online who insisted because she was a "real woman" that he should pay for everything. He did and once his money started ending so did their "relationship". He's now a bitter 45 year old man convinced all women are gold diggers.
In all modesty, overall I think I'm a great guy. Like most others on this board, though, I know what I want but don't exactly know how and where to go about finding it.
But I truly do need the "click" thing. It's hard for me to stay focused otherwise. I simply don't have the personality type where I can sit and make polite, boring conversation all night. I kind of need to be engaged and kind of entertained (not the right word but somewhat along these lines) and that has always been hard for me to find.
I'm not like most other people. I'm a little out there on the bell curve myself so it isn't that easy.
And this is where compromising comes in. You already know that finding a woman that you click with is hard. Finding one you click with is going to be even harder. I will tell you this and anyone else that reads this comment. Don't always buy into the comment of there's someone else better out there for you. There may very well be someone better, but if you live in Florida, and she lives in Washington, the chances of you crossing paths is VERY minimal.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this lady is attractive and can keep you on your toes intellectually, but she's using you so BADLY. Don't fall into this trap just because she's what you're looking for. In the end, I think she's likely trying to fleece you.
If you are really concerned with meeting someone, start looking at areas that you can bend on, but not break. If you prefer blondes, but you are open to brunettes or red heads. If she's a little husky, but is actively losing weight. If you are truly looking for someone, you have to learn to bend on certain issues. No ones perfect, and even the couples that seem perfect, have their ups and downs as well.
Don't stay in this if she continues to fleece you. Be alone and reevaluate what you are looking for and take a stab at it with another woman. Just because she's good looking and can keep up with you intellectually, still doesn't equate to a good match for you long-term.
I dated someone who wasn't spoiled when it came to money, but she was very controlling of my whereabouts. I also ended up getting used in the sense of I bent my schedule for her, but she would never bend for me. This was three years ago, and I vowed that no one will ever treat me like that again!
But I truly do need the "click" thing. It's hard for me to stay focused otherwise. I simply don't have the personality type where I can sit and make polite, boring conversation all night. I kind of need to be engaged and kind of entertained (not the right word but somewhat along these lines) and that has always been hard for me to find.
I'm not like most other people. I'm a little out there on the bell curve myself so it isn't that easy.
I'm confused by this. Obviously you don't want someone who bores you to tears, but do you want someone who thrives on drama and takes advantage of you? Plus, some women are absolute masters of manipulation to get what they want including pretending to be someone they really aren't to be appealing to you. Given the red flags you already know about from your reserach on this chick, the parking ticket would have been a deal breaker for me. If she feels okay asking you on your very first date for 25 bucks and pouting that you didn't ask to see her again as soon as she would like, imagine what she'll ask for and how controlling she'll be if she's actually your girlfriend. Do you really want to go there?
I'm confused by this. Obviously you don't want someone who bores you to tears, but do you want someone who thrives on drama and takes advantage of you? Plus, some women are absolute masters of manipulation to get what they want including pretending to be someone they really aren't to be appealing to you. Given the red flags you already know about from your reserach on this chick, the parking ticket would have been a deal breaker for me. If she feels okay asking you on your very first date for 25 bucks and pouting that you didn't ask to see her again as soon as she would like, imagine what she'll ask for and how controlling she'll be if she's actually your girlfriend. Do you really want to go there?
That is definitely unusual.
But the OP is a big boy, I guess, he can figure things out. I'm settling in with popcorn for the longer haul; I'm waiting for the sequel to this.
I'm confused by this. Obviously you don't want someone who bores you to tears, but do you want someone who thrives on drama and takes advantage of you? Plus, some women are absolute masters of manipulation to get what they want including pretending to be someone they really aren't to be appealing to you. Given the red flags you already know about from your reserach on this chick, the parking ticket would have been a deal breaker for me. If she feels okay asking you on your very first date for 25 bucks and pouting that you didn't ask to see her again as soon as she would like, imagine what she'll ask for and how controlling she'll be if she's actually your girlfriend. Do you really want to go there?
I have to agree with you on this one. The last sentence I marked was the best point of the evening and I never thought of it before.
Like I said, I am kind of out there on the bell curve as to what my personality needs to keep me engaged. Sometimes that personality type does come with major character flaws, sometimes without them. Obviously we want to weed out those with severe character flaws and try to find those without them.
But as I told Ruth privately, the nice thing about these boards is seeing some of the same things you are thinking said by others in print. The other nice thing about interracting with people is that when you click with someone like this, even if it doesn't pan out it reminds you what works and that there are people out there you just need to keep doing your work and trying to find the right person.
I will say this, and I do know this to be true. There is absolutely a class of 40-something golddigger out there who tries to key in on successful men. A divorced friend of mine is dating the babymomma of a former Fortune 500 CEO more than 20 years her senior. I can't go into everything here, but the situation is different to say the least.
Last edited by Beacon of Truth; 02-26-2013 at 05:36 PM..
This is just a general question that I'm throwing out to him.
Since none of us truly know her, it may be possible that she's looking for a man who can financially support her. I'm basing this soley on what Beacon has posted. Clearly, I could be completely wrong.
You know, anybody can be played. Even people who consider themselves relatively sophisticated in dealing with people. My problem in the past, however, hasn't been giving people too much of a benefit of the doubt. My problem has always been being too skeptical of people's motives.
One thing you should know about me. I have know master manipulators in my day, including a former bookie who got out of prison and tried every trick in the book to suck up to me. Unfortunately, I grew up with a father who was a lot life Frank Costanza so false flattery gets nowhere with me. Oddly enough, you can charm me with insults for some reason.
The only reason I am giving her the benefit of the doubt is because our personalities click. This may be the real thing, or she may be a master manipulator.
I will say this, my profile is pretty off-the-wall and this is by design. She actually initiated contact because she said she thought we had the same kind of sense of humor and so far that has been true. You have to be one hell of a manipulator to fake a sense of humor.
I'm confused by this. Obviously you don't want someone who bores you to tears, but do you want someone who thrives on drama and takes advantage of you? Plus, some women are absolute masters of manipulation to get what they want including pretending to be someone they really aren't to be appealing to you. Given the red flags you already know about from your reserach on this chick, the parking ticket would have been a deal breaker for me. If she feels okay asking you on your very first date for 25 bucks and pouting that you didn't ask to see her again as soon as she would like, imagine what she'll ask for and how controlling she'll be if she's actually your girlfriend. Do you really want to go there?
Couple more things I thought about to add to my online therapy session (lol):
Controlling people do tend to try to control things, but not because they are bad people, they are just basically insecure.
From the standpoint of the girl, let's say you meet a rare commodity (me), someone who is reasonably successful, a good guy, our personalities click and I'm okay with the fact that she stated up front that she's not going be putting out for religious reasons.(***)
(***) I realize this could mean a number of things, btw.
-This could be part of the game, getting me to think she's Miss Goody Two Shoes;
-She could also be one of these "born again virgin" types which is why there is such fervor; or
-She could be serious about this her entire life and that's why she hasn't been able to break through the muddle (more common than you think).
Maybe from her standpoint let's say things went swimmingly this evening and you suddenly aren't hearing it from the other guy. Kind of like me with the personality thing and thinking when is the next time I'm going to meet another bubbly chick like this? When is the next time you're going to meet someone like me?
So, yeah. I realize the potential land mines here. But there are also other explanations.
No I am not rationalizing, just trying to put things in the most optimistic light.
Oh yeah. That's what the last few pages have been about -- Debriefing everybody.
But to refocus my therapy session, I should probably emphasize how all this started.
It started with me putting up a pretty "off-the-wall" profile on Match and POF by design. The idea was that a boring profile is going to continue the endless parade of boring dates. I put up something I thought was funny and I figured if they laughed at it, I thought I might have a better chance at meeting someone who was a little more fun.
She actually contacted me and said she thought we might have a similar sense of humor and it's true. That's how this all started from.
I still say the same thing - no matter how good of a manipulator you are, it's hard to fake a sense of humor.
Oh yeah. That's what the last few pages have been about -- Debriefing everybody.
But to refocus my therapy session, I should probably emphasize how all this started.
It started with me putting up a pretty "off-the-wall" profile on Match and POF by design. The idea was that a boring profile is going to continue the endless parade of boring dates. I put up something I thought was funny and I figured if they laughed at it, I thought I might have a better chance at meeting someone who was a little more fun.
She actually contacted me and said she thought we might have a similar sense of humor and it's true. That's how this all started from.
I still say the same thing - no matter how good of a manipulator you are, it's hard to fake a sense of humor.
Okay I need to go back and read up.
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