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First off avoid alcohol, won't help. Two, I had a breakup and I cried three days straight, lost weight, didn't eat, sick to stomach feeling, worst feeling I ever had. Been married five years now. We just needed that time apart.....I mean she needed that time apart to think about things and she too was miserable also and drank which she doesn't do. Our relationship was overwhelming her and she had to take a step back. Sometimes that can be a good thing.
Don't know if you will get back together or not but if not, don't let it ruin your life. Later down the road you might realize it was for the best.
Wow thank you all for the advice (except for you, rcm)! You guys act quickly here in the Relationships forum! haha. I think you guys are all right about keeping busy. Things happen to be lighter than normal for me at work, so I spend some time thinking about things and then get in such a down mood that I end up getting NOTHING accomplished!
I know both partners in a relationship carry equal shares of responsiblity, but I take total blame for the nail in the coffin. I spend all of this time thinking about what I should've done differently and wishing I could have taken a different course. I know it isn't a productive thought process, but I agonize over it anyway.
Your suggestions are all very helpful. I'm working on getting myself more active. I'm taking a spinning class at my gym and my awesome friends are making plans for a couple of simple nights out in the city. My roommate's birthday is coming up which will be a fun distraction. So it seems the concensus is that because time heals wounds, the best thing to do is distract yourself so the time passes with less notice? There's a chance things could be salvaged, but I don't want to hold on to false hopes and thereby delay the healing process while I wait for a marginally possible reconnect. I'd rather be in a place where I recognize my strength and can assess the situation (if need be) with a clear, rational mind, without succumbing to emotional weakness. I've been through some real crap in my life. Why I'm letting a breakup like this beat me up so badly I just can't understand yet.
Thank you guys for your suggestions. I'll keep you posted on my progress!
Forgive me if there are already threads on this topic...
I'm just wondering what people have done to get over post-breakup depression. It's affecting me in a bad way currently. I cry, have an almost constant sick-to-the-stomach feeling, am unable to concentrate at work, and am just plain miserable! I've hung out with friends and made some calls to mom which make me feel better, but then when I go home and find myself alone again the bad feelings come back. Without giving too many details of the situation, I'll just say I've never felt this way after a relationship before and I'm a bit disturbed by it.
What are some things that some of you have done to get yourself "over it"? Friends have suggested getting out and meeting new people but the thought of getting back out on "the market" and talking up new people just does not interest me at all right now. I've re-organized some things in the apartment and am going to the gym more often. I haven't noticed much change in my mood as a result yet, but maybe it's coming. Has anything been particularly helpful for any of you guys? Please don't suggest drugs! lol Thank you in advance for your input!
Yes, I know the feeling. Terrible, isn't it? You don't need drugs, you need time, plenty of it. The first few weeks are the hardest and then it gets slowly easier, but it does take time. Please make sure you do not come in contact with this man while you are healing. Do not see him and even speak to him on the phone. Every time you do, it will take that much longer for you to get through this. In the first few weeks, just get plenty of rest and go on some long walks alone, by yourself. The fresh air will help to clear your mind. After a time you'll be able to go out with friends again. Don't be afraid to get on Match.com or Craigslist and start dating again. Plenty of fish in the see, but be careful with your heart next time and don't sleep with a man before you know for sure that he is fully committed to you.
There's a chance things could be salvaged, but I don't want to hold on to false hopes and thereby delay the healing process while I wait for a marginally possible reconnect.
It's normal to imagine there is a chance that things could work out. I have a theory that we let go of people in stages. If we had to lose them all at once, it would be too painful, so we imagine that things could have been different. We imagine they will float back into our lives, etc. It's our mind's way of protecting us against the full impact of the loss. It can take a long time to fully realize that it is over.
I've said it here before, and I'll say it again: Everything you need to know about life can be learned in football. This is what I tell my boy about football: You get knocked down, you get up, don't cry, and do it again. The same can be said about relationships, only it's OK to cry... if no one else sees you.
When I've had a bad day, emotions rolling, threatening to overflow, hmmmm, I'll go home and cry. The day my cat died, I wasn't supposed to cry, because I had left her with my ex anyways, I didn't deserve to miss her, I gave her up, right? I put on my Moulin Rouge movie and was bawling my heart out curled up in bed by the end of the movie when she died... not from the movie, but because of my kitty... you can put on the movie just in case anyone asks and wonders if you've gone completely nuts though.
When I've had a bad day, emotions rolling, threatening to overflow, hmmmm, I'll go home and cry. The day my cat died, I wasn't supposed to cry, because I had left her with my ex anyways, I didn't deserve to miss her, I gave her up, right? I put on my Moulin Rouge movie and was bawling my heart out curled up in bed by the end of the movie when she died... not from the movie, but because of my kitty... you can put on the movie just in case anyone asks and wonders if you've gone completely nuts though.
And, remember, red eyes are due to "allergies"...!
Avoid going to your favorite old haunts as a couple. Try new restaurants, go to a different movie theatre. Focus on anything she did that bugged you, only remember her worst moments. Imagine her looking old, fat and wrinkly just to make yourself think that it was good that you aren't spending your whole life with her. Most people have a combination of good and bad traits, so just remember her by her bad ones. Spend time with the right friends, the ones that give you good support, not the ones that try to get your drunk and want you to pick up random chicks in bars to get over her. Do you have a dog or have a friend with one? Offer to take it for walks. Sometimes, having a non-talking affectionate companion helps more than the talking kind.
Sometimes, having a non-talking affectionate companion helps more than the talking kind.
Post of the day, right there!
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