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I pay most of the times, despite currently being poorer. But that's because it's my belief that a gentleman should pay.
It came up after I told her news of my job offer. We've been talking about moving in with each other and she's been telling me details on what she wants to look for.
So did you tell her your preferences about what sort of place you would prefer?
Sounds like it might be a bit premature to be moving in together, if you have different philosophies as far as money.
Has this never come up before, your differing attitudes toward money?
OP, is she your first girlfriend? Because I can assure you that there are plenty of smart, attractive, witty, charming women out there who aren't going to start salivating over your future salary the way she is.
At my age these smart, attractive, witty, charming, and SINGLE women have been DIFFICULT to find. While she's not my first, she's definitely the best. I've been told that the good ones are taken when young, and I wouldn't want to lose someone like her.
...She's been okay with the fact that I am still a student (graduating in a couple of months though), so I don't think she's using my for my money per se...
She hasn't exactly been taught good financial habit though, so I am wondering how I could fix that...
So did you tell her your preferences about what sort of place you would prefer?
Sounds like it might be a bit premature to be moving in together, if you have different philosophies as far as money.
Has this never come up before, your differing attitudes toward money?
My preference is a condo, but not necessarily the high end luxury that she talked about. She wants to significantly stretch the budget, and doesn't see the benefit of early retirement or saving up money. She thinks that my job will give us so many more things, while in reality I'd rather save the money that she'd spend on things for the future...
...So that the money can grow and we could have more, only later.
Yes, this is the first time EVER where I discussed money with a girlfriend.
In a few months I will be starting my career. This job will bring in a good bit of money.
My partner knows about this and has started to drop things on how we'll be able to do certain EXPENSIVE things in the future, and the expectations placed on me are unsettling.
I will be working 12 hour days, sometimes more.
I was actually hoping to live a frugal lifestyle, not that much more expensive than my current one. Reason is, I want to save for early retirement.
This relationship is serious, and I'd really like to keep it going. So how do I explain these goals without risking loss or disappointment?
Occasionally I listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio while tooling around in my car. He provides financial advice but with a little bit of a Christian perspective.
As much as I talk about the importance of Christian values in family life here and I do believe that in the context of relationships, sex and family, otherwise I'm not much of a holy roller in real life. In fact, I kind of cringed at first when I started listening to the program because he talks finances and tries to work in biblical wisdom at the same time.
Once I got used to listening talk radio with a dash of Bible thrown in, I actually started enjoying the show. Dave Ramsey is 100% correct in the money advice he gives and not only have I seen his techniques in person, but practically everybody who uses his program raves about how they were able to get their finances in order.
Anyway, get one of his books from Amazon, read it and give it to your SO. You may also want to read The Millionaire Next Door and The Millionaire Mind, two other excellent books EVERYBODY can glean valid lessons from. Dave Ramsey is for the average guy - the other two are for people who might have more grandiose visions. Both excellent.
I will say one thing: Financial prosperity typically leads to happy marriages. You might want to sell your SO on this angle of being together long term.
Don't be too cheap, though. Travel, do interesting things, enjoy life. Just keep it all in the right perspective. Moderation is key.
I also wanted to say something else, and this is from the perspective of a non-Bible guy: Whenever Ramsey throws out Biblical passages that are 100% on point, it never ceases to amaze me how much wisdom the people who put the Bible together had.
At my age these smart, attractive, witty, charming, and SINGLE women have been DIFFICULT to find. While she's not my first, she's definitely the best. I've been told that the good ones are taken when young, and I wouldn't want to lose someone like her.
...She's been okay with the fact that I am still a student (graduating in a couple of months though), so I don't think she's using my for my money per se...
She hasn't exactly been taught good financial habit though, so I am wondering how I could fix that...
I'm not sure you can "fix" it. You can certainly tell her what your preferences are though.
My preference is a condo, but not necessarily the high end luxury that she talked about. She wants to significantly stretch the budget, and doesn't see the benefit of early retirement or saving up money. She thinks that my job will give us so many more things, while in reality I'd rather save the money that she'd spend on things for the future...
...So that the money can grow and we could have more, only later.
Yes, this is the first time EVER where I discussed money with a girlfriend.
You really don't seem very sure about things....do you really want to buy a condo with her? I'd think renting would be a much better option until you are more sure about your relationship.
I think that you'd be better suited to find someone who has similar financial goals.
I'd like to retire early, but I also like to enjoy in the present. Once could justify not really doing much at all to save money so you could retire early. I certainly don't want to live life like that.
My preference is a condo, but not necessarily the high end luxury that she talked about. She wants to significantly stretch the budget, and doesn't see the benefit of early retirement or saving up money. She thinks that my job will give us so many more things, while in reality I'd rather save the money that she'd spend on things for the future...
...So that the money can grow and we could have more, only later.
Yes, this is the first time EVER where I discussed money with a girlfriend.
"The Millionaire Mind" has some pretty good advice that rings true: The guy with the 8 figure net worth typically isn't chasing the sexiest and newest McMansion subdivisions. Those places are the domain of the "fake it until you make it" and "house poor" crowd. He typically buys a house in an upscale established area. My brother did this and essentially doubled his money in less than 10 years.
Dave Ramsey has even better advice. Don't take on too much mortgage debt, pay it off as quickly as you can. If you have a $200,000 mortgage, at 4% that's $8,000 a year you pay in interest.
I don't care what you make every year, but $8,000 is a big chunk of money. If you make $80,000 a year, you probably bring home $50,000 after taxes (all taxes, not just payroll). Approx. 18% of what's left is basically being thrown away in interest. Likewise when it comes to car loans, leases and whatnot.
Better yet, get the books on tape and make your SO take these courses together with you. Most women are bored with these kinds of things and that will force her to play along with you.
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